I’ve been taking anti-depressants for a month now but I have admitted to myself and my counselors that they aren’t working as they should be. Some things have gotten better, and some things have gotten worse. I am feeling a bit afraid at this point. I’m afraid I’m going to go crazy. I’m afraid I’ll really screw up my marriage, that I had no business thinking that I could handle being a mother, that this illness will leave me incapacitated. Mostly I’m not afraid for myself, just that I will burden those I love. I feel like I’m losing my sense of self, and I don’t want to go back to the hell of 3 years ago.
I am working on getting help and getting things going in the right direction but it will take some time. I don’t know how long and I don’t know how often I’ll be able to update here in the mean time. I hope you are all here whenever I get back.