The One

Excuse me while I get all mushy on you…

Rachel at SingleMomSeeking posted an article recently asking “How do you know if he is The One?”  This question is complex for everyone, I think, but for a single parent there is extra to worry about.  I didn’t know how (or even if) I would date after Joe and I split up, but some friends encouraged me to at least see what was out there after being with the same person for over a decade.  I was nervous about introducing anyone new to Jack, so I decided that I wouldn’t introduce a man to Jack until I knew the person would be a long-term fixture in our lives.

So, before venturing into the world of dating, I spent endless amounts of time thinking and scribbling in my journal, collecting pages of ideas about what type of person I wanted beside me.  I came up with what I called “The Walking Book,” and for those of you who like mushy stuff, here it is:

My mind says his name over and over even when I’m willing it to say something else.  Every little thought that flows through my head, I want to send to him, share with him, and hear his response.  It’s not enough that he hears what I say; the important part to me is what he is going to say in return.

I don’t totally understand the draw.  Sure, we have things in common and enjoy spending time together no matter what we are doing.  But there is something else, something that causes me to wonder what he is doing at any given moment even though I know it’s probably something boring.  He tweaks things just enough to spark my interest, and he always manages to do it just right.

He teaches me and challenges me and talks a lot.  He has as many questions as answers.  He is a safe harbor during rough times, and just as intuitive as I am.

We don’t prop eachother up, but we help eachother out.  It is almost effortless, while with others it would be exhausting.

He doesn’t look like the guys I would normally find attractive.  He’s just as much a contradiction as I am – a complete surprise on the inside.  He grows on me more and more, stronger as time goes by.

Trying to protect myself because I’m in so deep, I try to focus on the bad.  But there is always something to counteract the bad, like his sense of humor and his love of animals, his work ethic and his cooking ability.  He is there when it really matters and he always puts forth his full effort.

He is multi-faceted and interesting and for every little piece of me, there is some piece of him that seems to fit.  Maybe it’s that he seems like an impossibility, that he is a million people all crammed into one, and totally unassuming.  That in itself is intriguing.

When I’m with him, it feels like time is going at a different speed and we’re inside our own little story.  And strangely, I remember more than I forget.

He is my favorite book: he has a fabulous cover, but it doesn’t do the inside justice.  He always has something new to offer that I didn’t notice before.  The well-known parts of him are a comfort and the new things are exciting.  Maybe there are some things that could have been written differently, but ultimately he’s a masterpiece and my appreciation is endless.

About 6 weeks after writing that, I went on my first date with David.

A year and a half later, I’m still amazed at how well that describes him and us together.  It feels like we’ve been together our whole lives. That’s the only way I can think to describe the level of comfort we have with one another. Meeting David was like finding a missing puzzle piece in the puzzle of my life.

On top of the strength of our relationship, David and Jack have developed a wonderful bond.  David took a lot of time to figure out what my parenting philosophies were, watch how I interact with my son, and learn what Jack was all about.  He sees the parts of Jack that are an extension of me but loves Jack as a unique little person, as well.  David is more than just a romantic partner and friend, he is also one of Jack’s parents.  Prior to meeting him, I never dared to hope that Jack and I would be that lucky.

Oh yes, he is The One.

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