I hate it when my child is sad. I also hate it when I’m sad, or when anyone is sad, really. Perhaps this is a product of battling depression my whole life. I just…want to make people happy. All the time. To me happiness is the best thing ever! If I can give that to others, it gives me peace.
So, it tears at my heart when Jack tells me about something that he is sad about, especially when it is not just a passing thing. He was upset when his dad went to Hawaii without him, for instance. He may be over it, I’m not sure, but we’re trying to plan a vacation to Central America and when I think of going without him, I remember how sad he was about not going to Hawaii.
He is worried about his friend moving away when her parents sell their house. He’s been friends with this little girl for probably 1.5 years now? They say they are married. It’s adorable. But yeah, she may be moving soon and Jack is going to be starting Kindergarten and so, the drifting begins.
He turned to me the other night on the verge of tears and told me I was very special to him and he hopes that I never die. I nearly broke down in tears myself hearing that. Why must my baby think about these things? Growing up is hard…on us both.
I think I do the right things when faced with sadness. I let Jack know it’s okay to be sad. I let him know when I’m sad, too, and reassure him that the sadness will pass and happiness will come again. When I tell him these things, I am often talking to myself, as well. I’m trying to be patient with sadness instead of pushing it away. Not an easy task.
Again this morning my child was near to tears…because I picked out the wrong underwear for him. Also? The note I wrote for him to take to daycare (to remember how much I love him) got bent. He didn’t want it to bend because it’s so “special” to him. Little things, really, but the sadness he expressed over these small things took my breath away.
I wanted to look at him and say, “Come on, kid! Cheer up! You’re 4!” I gave him a hug, though, and told him it’s okay if the note bends – I love him no matter what.