I keep sitting down to write and nothing comes out. It’s been the same with talking. David told me to talk the other night and I didn’t know where to begin. I guess I’ll begin here with what I said first then – I said one thing and everything else just flowed.
I hate our house. It’s too small, too drafty, too difficult to keep organized, and kills my allergies. We’d really, really like to move. We are saving like crazy in the hopes that we can buy a house next year. Meanwhile the market isn’t looking as promising as it was earlier this year (hopefully that’s just because it’s nearing the end of the year) and it feels like our savings plan could be derailed at any moment…which brings me to…
David’s job sucks. His commute is an hour each way and the job is high stress. Prior to Jack starting kindergarten, David had arranged to start working from home in the afternoons so that he could pick Jack up from school. This hasn’t been the best arrangement, honestly, since a lot of David’s work is on the phone and Jack gets bored when David can’t play with him and doesn’t like to stay quiet. But, well, we figured it was a temporary solution and there were a few changes that would be coming down the pipeline that would make it all easier. Except then a change came that said that David couldn’t work from home anymore due to asshattery by others. Arg! (We are still in limbo waiting to see if this is negotiable.)
There is an option of an after school program for Jack. That costs money, of course…and that would mean delays on house buying. It also means Jack is in school for longer during the day when he already doesn’t care to be there. (On the plus side, his homework would be done before we picked him up for the evening.)
We’ve thrown around some other options but nothing has really crystallized yet. So we wait and hope that the working from home option is reinstated.
Meanwhile, we’re still in a bit of agony over this school maladjustment. Jack’s been acting out more and his teacher always has some piece of criticism, it seems. It finally dawned on me that it might be a cultural thing, as the school is pretty strictly focused on academics (Jack’s classroom has homework 4 nights a week, and the other classroom has it 5 nights a week; I know of another school in the district that sends home activity-based homework for the weekends only). The teacher (maybe the school?) seems to have an attitude of “what skill can’t this kid do yet?” rather than “what skills can this kid build upon?” I am not the only class mom to notice some worrisome behavior with regard to self-esteem in the kids.
While I do think that Jack will learn a lot at this school, I’m wondering if emotionally this is not a good fit for him. He is a sensitive and emotional individual and that isn’t likely to change (i.e. see his parents). On the other hand, maybe he’ll learn some coping skills that could be useful later? (He has to learn them from someone other than me; I am notorious for my crappy coping skills.) And, regardless of whether it’s a good fit or not, do we even have the option to be choosy? It is public school, after all. And, really, would private school be different and different enough to be worth it?
And that’s when I go back to wanting the house like NOW. ‘Cause we’ll move out of this neighborhood almost certainly and he’ll move schools almost definitely. We’d have some sort of indication of whether this is just what a kindergarten transition is going to be like for Jack or if it’s THIS kindergarten that is the issue.
So, we’re in a holding pattern on the school front as well as on the job front. In addition to those two things…
I spoke to my mom last night. She has been dealing with ongoing health issues (the medical mystery tour, if you will). Some time ago, probably close to 10 years ago, it was discovered that my mom had a benign tumor on her pituitary gland. She was given hormones to shrink the tumor and then sent on her merry way. When other weird issues started cropping up, they were dismissed as peri-menopause symptoms; however, recent tests show she is a good distance away from menopause still at age 49. Unfortunately, she is already showing signs of bone loss and she now has a CT scan on her pancreas and an MRI on her head this week to look for tumors. Not to mention that she is going to have a hysterectomy as soon as she can because of complications from endometriosis (except she has to wait to see what’s up with her cortisol – she may have Addison’s Disease!).
Needless to say, I feel very much like I want to crawl into a hole and hide from all of life’s complications. I am young, dammit, and I don’t want to be dealing with all of this shit. I feel overwhelmed and ill equipped to handle even one of these things at a time but all of them at once? Ugh.
- Goodbye, Me Time (ewokmama.com)
- Kindergarten Readiness | Information Center | Education.com (education.com)
- At Issue: Homework (4mothers1blog.wordpress.com)