I’ve been sitting here in the hospital room listening to the DING DING DING DING of Jack’s vitals monitor. Apparently the kid has a low heart rate while sleeping – it’s been hanging out in the 50s tonight and the machine is not happy at all.
Today was hard. Jack’s energy has been completely zapped and he has seemed to be in a daze. He wouldn’t even answer yes or no questions. When he passed out from the Benadryl administered prior to a blood transfusion, tears broke through. This is all very sad – my little boy of 5 years has a terrible illness and is getting pumped full of toxic chemicals – A SHITTON of them. How did this happen?? It’s all very horrifying.
Part of the way through this blog entry, the machine started freaking out and flashing EXTREME BRADY while making a higher pitched DING. The Pediatrics resident came to check Jack out – his heart rate was dropping down to the 40s – and apparently it’s fine because his O2 level is good. Every three minutes for the past hour or so, I’ve been hitting “pause alarms” so that the machine shuts up about the damned EXTREME BRADY. When I get super worried I sniff in his ear to irritate him and wake him up – his heart rate goes up a bit then.
It doesn’t look like I’ll be getting much sleep tonight. I tend to be hypervigilant due to my PTSD and these alarms are not helping at all.
As much as I want him to get out of this hospital room, I’m also nervous about taking Jack home. Having medical staff right out the door is pretty convenient (at least when you need them). I can already imagine the number of times I’m sitting at home debating whether to take him to the ER or not.
Thank goodness for friends and family. Thank goodness for an amicable relationship with my ex. Thank goodness I have a strong marriage with David. I know these things are going to get us through the next three years, even if right now things are rough.
Thank goodness most of all for Jack’s strength and bright spirit. I’m going to help him kick Leukemia’s ass.