Today’s topic is Dreams.
After my dad died, I had dreams about him constantly. I doubt a night went by that I didn’t dream of him. Mostly these dreams were simple – just letting me know he existed or giving me a look of love. We didn’t talk. These dreams were always vivid and in color. I don’t think I’ve ever dreamed in black and white.
Yesterday I was driving in the car with Jack. The Eagles came on the radio and I shouted, “Noooooo!” before quickly changing the station. Jack asked why I had reacted that way, so I told him the story of how my dad used to play Eagles songs on his guitar while sitting in the park. Ever since my dad died (back in 1991) I can’t listen to an Eagles song without wanting to throw up.
“These songs make me miss my dad.”
Telling Jack this brought back emotions that I haven’t felt for years. I finally made peace with my dad’s death around the time I got pregnant with Jack. This year in June, for probably the first time ever, I didn’t even think about the anniversary of his death. Still, with this one sentence, I felt his loss again.
It didn’t make me sad to access those feelings again, though. Instead, I was proud of myself for remembering him, for still feeling that connection, for being able to carry on and yet still be human.
I miss my dad, but I’m okay. I don’t need to dream about him anymore to know he loved me.
I still refuse to listen to The Eagles, though.
This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…
- Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
- Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
- Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
- Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
- Link up your post over at Jana’s place.
- Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.