SOCS: Dreams Of My Father

Today’s topic is Dreams.

**********************

After my dad died, I had dreams about him constantly. I doubt a night went by that I didn’t dream of him. Mostly these dreams were simple – just letting me know he existed or giving me a look of love. We didn’t talk. These dreams were always vivid and in color. I don’t think I’ve ever dreamed in black and white.

Yesterday I was driving in the car with Jack. The Eagles came on the radio and I shouted, “Noooooo!” before quickly changing the station. Jack asked why I had reacted that way, so I told him the story of how my dad used to play Eagles songs on his guitar while sitting in the park. Ever since my dad died (back in 1991) I can’t listen to an Eagles song without wanting to throw up.

“These songs make me miss my dad.”

Telling Jack this brought back emotions that I haven’t felt for years. I finally made peace with my dad’s death around the time I got pregnant with Jack. This year in June, for probably the first time ever, I didn’t even think about the anniversary of his death. Still, with this one sentence, I felt his loss again.

It didn’t make me sad to access those feelings again, though. Instead, I was proud of myself for remembering him, for still feeling that connection, for being able to carry on and yet still be human.

I miss my dad, but I’m okay. I don’t need to dream about him anymore to know he loved me.

I still refuse to listen to The Eagles, though.

**********************

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
  • Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
  • Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
  • Link up your post over at Jana’s place.
  • Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.
If you enjoyed this post, consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.

Comments

  1. Oh, those songs… There are some I can’t listen to as well. I”m glad you realize you don’t have to dream of him to know how much you were (are) loved by him. ((hugs))

  2. It is amazing how music can trigger such emotions. I remember way back we studied this in high school psychology. You must have had a very strong connection with your fathers. Sorry he died so young.

  3. My parents and one grandmother are still with me, thank Goodness, but in a small way, I know how you feel. When I was a little girl, my dad was in the Marine Corps and then the Air Force Reserves. He would only leave us for a week or two at a time, but when he was gone, certain songs on the radio would make me cry – and I still can’t listen to those songs 30 years later, even though my dad is just a phone call or a short trip away. I’m getting choked up now just barely remembering a few bars of some of those songs. Music can create some powerful memories, and I kind of think those associations might be permanent.

  4. There are certain songs that always bring up strong emotional reactions for me. Music is powerful that way.

    It certainly is a sign of healing that you have been able to move forward, but still have that connection with your dad.

  5. Music is a powerful trigger, for sure. I couldn’t help but think that in this case, Bob Marley was wrong–sometimes, you do feel pain when music hits!
    I’m glad that you’re in a better place with appreciating his memory, and being able to carry on.

Speak Your Mind

*