Just A Phase or Full On Mama’s Boy?

Yesterday I sat down and tried to write a post about Jack and what it’s been like since he’s turned six. I wrote a lot, actually, but it’s all very disjointed. I found it very difficult to describe Jack’s recent exploits without the cancer stuff. I honestly can’t say whether some things he does these days are just part of being six or caused by side effects of cancer and its treatment.

I decided to pare it down and just write about one that’s been troubling me lately. Perhaps I can get some insight from other parents with kids around this age as to whether this is a ‘being six’ thing or a ‘kid with cancer’ thing. And if y’all have ideas on how to handle it, I’m all ears!

Jack is seemingly obsessed with me doing things for him.

Whether it’s making his meals, deciding on an outfit for the day, or playing Scooby Doo with him…he wants me, and only me, to do it. In addition, he demands that I LOOK!LOOK!LOOK! at particular scenes of shows we’ve seen a bunch of times. I have to acknowledge every robot he makes in his iPad game and every time he feeds one of his monsters in his other games…

At first I thought we just needed to spend more time together. He’s been at his dad’s more this year, so perhaps he was just missing me? But I’ve taken fairly large chunks of time off lately to be with him and that has not seemed to lesson his need one bit.

I asked him why he needs me to do things for him. Why can’t David fix dinner? Why can’t someone else read even one of the three books we read at bedtime each night? Why me and only me and all the time ME?

“Well, mom, it’s just that I’m attracted to you.”

Um, okay. I told him he should probably use different words, but alright. I guess he has a need he can’t explain, either.

I’ve thrown around various theories from him needing extra comfort since he got sick or because of the move or maybe it’s a phase…but it has been going on for months and months and hasn’t let up. It’s nice to feel wanted and, gosh, he must think I’m pretty great, but I would really prefer it if he’d led David take care of him, too.

I miss my fearless, secure, independent little dude. I hope he comes back.

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Comments

  1. hey girlfriend. that quote made me laugh pretty hard. SOOO cute. anyway, to make you feel better, I think from personal experience, my kid is more clingy when he senses I am stressed, or when i’m not feeling well, or when i’ve been away, but since it’s been going on for so long, it could be the 6 yr old thing that my kid hasn’t hit yet (developmentally). but I distinctly remember a girlfriend of mine whose kid was 6 at the time being super clingy and wanting his mom’s attention ALL THE TIME, even though he had siblings and babysitters and other people giving him attention. I remember her saying “well, he just needs me MORE right now for some reason”…and yes he grew out of it by age 7. So it could be a stage that hasn’t much to do with the cancer. that’s my two cents. I think once things settle in with school hopefully he’ll be back to his golucky self ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Thank you! I really hope so. It’s one of those things that I worry about more because…what if the cancer treatment changed his personality? Ya know?

  2. From my personal experience with a six year old boy (he’ll be seven in a couple of months) it all sounds very, very sixish. Six was an extremely tough year for us. It’s my understanding that six year olds now realize that they are separate people and are very happy about their independence, but at the same time they want the reassurance that their mommy is still there for them and will always love them. They are pulled in two directions and it is very tough on their little psyche. Add cancer on top of that, and whoah nellie. Not a good year!

    This book saved my sanity. It didn’t have many practical solutions (written in the 70s), but the developmental theories are spot on. http://www.amazon.com/Your-Six-Year-Old-Louise-Bates-Ames/dp/0440506743

  3. It sounds VERY sixish. So combine that with the fear that’s probably in the back of his little mind, and it’s likely exacerbated. Henry goes through phases still (at almost 8) where he ONLY wants me. ME ME ME OMG ME! I figure I’ll take it while I can because I know it won’t last. At least I hope it won’t!

  4. B @ my other blog says:

    Sounds like a six thing to me too

    I swear there are days my three year old is more independent than my six year old…

  5. Sam has been REALLY into me lately, so I’m going to jump on the bandwagon and say it’s probably at least partly age-related. When you add on all the STUFF Jack has going on (good stuff included!), it’s kind of amazing that he ever leaves you alone.

  6. This is the age when REAL school starts. Pre-school and kindergarden are still mostly full of fun stuff, but first grade is starting to get serious. I can see where this would make a child want to regress a little. It’s scary being in charge of yourself for the first time in your life. Plus moving and illness? Even adults get freaked out by that. I think your kid sounds perfectly normal.

    • Yeah it sounds like it’s normal from what I am seeing on the comments here. He hasn’t started 1st grade yet but Kindergarten was pretty rough (they had two pages of homework every night) so he’s been initiated. I’m sure it will get a little bit intense once he starts back at school next month. He’s been out since January!

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