Truthiness Day 25: I’m Alive

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Well, I guess the short answer would be because I haven’t died yet.  DUH.  Other than that, I think there are a couple factors…

  1. I’m a pretty safe and responsible person who doesn’t engage in risky behavior.  I’ve been in one car accident in the entire time I’ve driven – and that was the other guy’s fault (he was at a stop sign, I was halfway through making my left turn when he T-Boned me).  In high school I even got a medal for my performance in my Health & Driver’s Ed class (I still find that funny).
  2. I have a kid.  I’m not allowed to die, at least while he depends on me!
  3. I don’t talk to strangers and I have a good street “don’t talk to me or I might scream at you for no reason” face.
  4. My uncle pulled me out of the pool that one time when I almost drowned.
  5. I aggressively seek help for my illnesses.
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Truthiness Day 24: My Saturn Return Playlist

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Dear 2008,

You were a year of change.  I was 27 and the term “Saturn Return” fit this year perfectly.  I finally began taking care of myself – attended a Managing Depression class, started taking Prozac again and going to therapy, separated from Joe, moved out on my own for the first time in my life, and fell in love with David.  It was a hard year with so many ups and downs, and yet one of the most important of my life.  I mourned losses, faced bitterness, found hope, and discovered love again in all kinds of unexpected ways.  This playlist will always remind me of you – it runs the gamut of endings, beginnings, and everything between.

  1. We’re Going to be Friends – The White Stripes
  2. O Valencia! – The Decemberists
  3. (If You’re Wondering if I Want You To) I Want You To – Weezer
  4. Young Folks – Pete Bjorn & John
  5. Let’s Never Stop Falling in Love – Pink Martini
  6. Hey Pretty – POE
  7. A Stroke of Luck – Garbage
  8. The Kill (Bury Me) – 30 Seconds to Mars
  9. Extraordinary Machine – Fiona Apple
  10. Struggle – Ringside
  11. Bleeding Love – Leona Lewis
  12. Nothing Better – The Postal Service
  13. Calling it Quits – Aimee Mann
  14. (Don’t Fear) The Reaper – Blue Oyster Cult
  15. Communication – The Cardigans
  16. Island – Heather Nova
  17. The Way I Am – Ingrid Michaelson
  18. It’s Amazing – Jem
  19. Maybe Tomorrow – Stereophonics
  20. Rocket Man (I Think It’s Going to be a Long Long Time) – Elton John
  21. Hanging on Too Long – Duffy

From crying in the bathroom at work to finding my safe space in my own little apartment to gaining an understanding of my capacity to live and love, it was an amazing year.  Thanks for the memories.


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Truthiness Day 23: Links to the Past

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

I wish I had saved all of the notes my friends and I wrote back and forth in school.  For a long time I kept them in shoe boxes in my room at my mom’s.  When I moved out I threw them all out – I didn’t want to carry them with me from place to place, taking up a drawer or shelf that I could use for something I really needed.

I thought I would never care about reading those notes as an adult.  Now that I can’t remember a damned thing from the majority of my school years, I wish I had them.  I don’t remember what I did after school or what I liked about various boys or what I complained about.  I don’t remember who I was or what I talked about.

I should have kept those and gotten rid of my yearbooks.  My yearbooks contain pictures of people and things I don’t want to remember, reminders of the parts of school that were completely alien to me.  Those notes held the bulk of my grade school life in them, links to a past that no longer exists.

I wonder if my old friends have any of the notes I wrote to them…

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Truthiness Day 22: Pain in the coccyx

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

I wish I hadn’t given birth while semi-sitting/laying down.

By the end of my labor I was exhausted.  I hadn’t slept more than 3 hours in the last two days (when it all began).  The cervidil- and pitocin-induced contractions were pretty much constant and full force.  Those last few hours I couldn’t even open my eyes.  My OB broke my water at 9cm and I was up on the bar for that last centimeter while pain gripped my belly and shot down my thighs.  I finally had to get on the bed because my legs wouldn’t hold me anymore.  The back of the bed was pushed up so I was semi-sitting while pushing.

I only pushed for 40 minutes before Jack was born, but all my weight and the pressure of Jack’s body as he moved through the birth canal fucked up my tailbone big time.   I couldn’t sit down for weeks – even the pressure of a pillow or a donut hurt my tailbone.  It never got better, despite weeks at the chiropractor.  Four years later and I still can’t sit for long periods without pain.  That totally sucks when you have a desk job!

It was 40 minutes of pushing…40 minutes on my back.  Why didn’t I turn to the side?  Or crouch?  Anything would have been better…

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Truthiness Day 21: In Case of Emergency

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

I don’t really understand this question.  Getting into a fight an hour before is irrelevant, in my opinion.  Fights don’t change my love for a person.  So, as to what I would do if my friend were in an accident, I would do the same thing that I would do if there was no fight – I’d call and find out how serious the accident was and what I could do to help.  If it was a hospital situation, I’d sit vigil.  If it wasn’t too bad, I’d bake something or send flowers.

How difficult a decision is that?  For me, it’s not.

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