Some Joy

May 18, 2012 By 2 Comments

Considering the last time I mentioned a house, we were going to wait to look for House #5, this may be surprising to hear, but we’re in escrow on House #6. Mmhmm.

Number 5 came and went and then came 6. This lovely place is down the street from what we’re calling Mold House. It’s also a million times more awesome and the BEST house we’ve seen (in about 60 total). We were more than a little surprised when our offer was accepted. We weren’t surprised at all when the inspection was fabulous. THEN…then the appraisal came back at a bizarrely low amount and the whole thing nearly fell apart with our financing. We challenged the appraisal and after waiting on pins and needles for three and a half days, we finally heard back – the appraisal was revised. The house was once again in our reach if the sellers could meet us half way on bridging the gap in financing. And they DID! Yay!

We’re not out of the woods yet. We need the bank to approve our new financing. But we’re damned close! We should know for sure that everything is a go next week. We assume nothing until then!

Amidst this house drama, Jack lost his first tooth – one on the bottom. For some reason this makes us absurdly happy. I guess because it’s a sign he’s growing up even while fighting cancer. He’s living! And he’s damned cute with a missing tooth. He has a slight lisp and has trouble with S sounds at the moment. It’s adorable.

I also had a wonderful Mother’s Day! David and Jack made me breakfast in bed and then we went out to have fondue for lunch. I loved the pampering. We had our celebration a bit early so that Jack could have fun with his dad the next weekend while David and I took off for Sonoma. I got an incentive trip through a contact at work – two nights in a resort hotel plus wine tasting, dinner, and brunch – all free. We sprung for massages, too. I felt like I got two Mother’s Days!

Life isn’t all bad right now. I’m glad I get some relief, even if it’s hard won!

Filed Under: Cancer Mom, Domesticating, Family Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Waiting For No. 5

April 17, 2012 By 1 Comment

The cancellation for our contract on the house was processed yesterday. We were willing to move forward if the sellers would work with us on a credit toward repairs, but they were adamantly opposed to budging one bit. We’re super disappointed. We spent money on the house already, we were supposed to move into it in a few weeks, we were emotionally invested…and after looking at 53 houses and making 4 offers, we were ready to be done looking. We are tired.

So now we sit back a bit and regroup. The housing market around here has dwindled and there isn’t much to look at currently. The bright side is we’ll have more time to save up more for a down payment, I guess…

Filed Under: Domesticating, Family Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Coming Down the Mountain

March 19, 2012 By 2 Comments

So, it seems I got a mild concussion while (attempting) skiing. Also I hurt my trapezius muscle so my doctor gave me  a prescription strength anti-inflammatory pain killer to help with the neck/shoulder pain. I think next time I go to Tahoe I’ll just head straight to a massage therapist rather than up or down any mountains.

The house hunt continues. We put an offer in on an awesome house in our ideal neighborhood and were outbid. I’m feeling a bit heartbroken over that. It helped me get over it (slightly) when the listing agent came back and asked us for a higher bid “in the 420k range” and when we asked for clarification, she came back with $440k. Um, lady, that is NOT the 420k range. Further, you’re insane mkay byyyye! So we are still looking and feeling pretty dejected at this point. I think we’re up to 43 houses viewed now. The market has stalled so it feels like we’ll be stuck in our shitty rental forever. Not fun! A few people have said inventory will pick up in spring; I surely hope so.

Between those things above and my incredibly stupid idea to try to gradually reduce my anti-depressant intake…I haven’t been doing well. Luckily I realized it fairly quickly and did an about-face with the med plan. It will take a little bit of time for my levels to return to normal…in the mean time I am trying not to get too down about all the stress and craziness (including our broken washing machine, our broken heater, and the lack of a suitable house to escape to).

With that said, things are looking up. David accepted a job and will be starting next week. YAY! We’re very excited! We so needed that change of luck!

Filed Under: Domesticating, Marriage

Mixed Bag

October 31, 2011 By 4 Comments

We had Jack’s parent/teacher conference almost two weeks ago and things since then have been fairly calm.  I don’t know if it’s the fact that Jack knows we adults are working together to keep him in line or if we are all just being more organized and routine about everything.  In any case, the conference was pretty positive, even with the mixed bag of “your kid is brilliant but he has trouble staying motivated to finish his projects.”  His kindergarten teacher is willing to let him read special books that we provide if it will encourage him to finish his work, and she is supposed to be moving his desk so that he sits near some girls who are better at finishing their work and cleaning their desks.  We’re hoping their habits rub off on him.

School went really well last week.  Jack got a happy note every single day!  Woo hoo!  We no longer hear “I hate school!” all the time.  One morning when we were running late and I had to break the news that Jack wouldn’t get any playtime prior to the bell ringing, Jack surprised me with, “Well, Mom, that’s okay! I’ll have recess later!”

So things seem to be improving there.  I’m cautiously optimistic because, as the parenting gods have taught me, as soon as you say something positive about how well things are going, it all falls apart.

Honestly, though, things aren’t exactly going GREAT.  My husband lost his job on Friday and that is also a mixed bag.  The job was pretty awful and causing major stress to him and us so it’s not like we’re sad.  I’d been encouraging him to look elsewhere for some time but, as I’m sure many of you know, it can be difficult to look for work while working full time, taking classes, and dealing with family stuff.  In any case, the job ended rather unceremoniously on Friday and we traded the stress of him having a shitty job for the stress of him having no job.  We are angry at his ex-employers yet relieved he doesn’t have to go back there.  We’re happy that he has plenty of time to find a new job now but worried that the lack of job will be a liability in getting a job.  And, of course, the financial implications are not fun to think about.  That house we wanted is now pushed further into the future.  But what are ya gonna do?

As for my mom’s health, her various organ and head scans came back clear and so it doesn’t look like she has any evil diseases lurking.  She got a hysterectomy Friday so she is recovering from that and once I am both less stressed and less ill (I spent a good month transitioning to a new preventative migraine med; now I’m fighting off my second cold in 6 weeks) I will go visit her.

So, that’s life lately.  This, and my work with Band Back Together.  We went non-profit, did you hear?  We got our state designation and have applied for federal recognition.  I’m on the Board of Directors, as well.  I’m damned proud of the growth over there.  If you don’t know what the heck it is – I encourage you to check it out.  It’s a group blog where we invite everyone to submit stories survival and get support and kudos for being all ‘eye of the tiger.’  We have stories about post partum depression, cancer, bullying, friendship, hope, single parenting, caregiver burnout, etc. and are expanding all the time.  I would like to formally invite you to join our Band.

By the way, Happy Halloween.  I’ll be over here eating candy corn and peanut M&Ms.

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Filed Under: Family, School Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

All Grown Up and Nowhere to Hide

September 28, 2011 By 11 Comments

I keep sitting down to write and nothing comes out.  It’s been the same with talking.  David told me to talk the other night and I didn’t know where to begin.  I guess I’ll begin here with what I said first then – I said one thing and everything else just flowed.

I hate our house.  It’s too small, too drafty, too difficult to keep organized, and kills my allergies.  We’d really, really like to move.  We are saving like crazy in the hopes that we can buy a house next year.  Meanwhile the market isn’t looking as promising as it was earlier this year (hopefully that’s just because it’s nearing the end of the year) and it feels like our savings plan could be derailed at any moment…which brings me to…

David’s job sucks.  His commute is an hour each way and the job is high stress.  Prior to Jack starting kindergarten, David had arranged to start working from home in the afternoons so that he could pick Jack up from school.  This hasn’t been the best arrangement, honestly, since a lot of David’s work is on the phone and Jack gets bored when David can’t play with him and doesn’t like to stay quiet.  But, well, we figured it was a temporary solution and there were a few changes that would be coming down the pipeline that would make it all easier.  Except then a change came that said that David couldn’t work from home anymore due to asshattery by others.  Arg!  (We are still in limbo waiting to see if this is negotiable.)

There is an option of an after school program for Jack.  That costs money, of course…and that would mean delays on house buying.  It also means Jack is in school for longer during the day when he already doesn’t care to be there.  (On the plus side, his homework would be done before we picked him up for the evening.)

We’ve thrown around some other options but nothing has really crystallized yet.  So we wait and hope that the working from home option is reinstated.

Meanwhile, we’re still in a bit of agony over this school maladjustment.  Jack’s been acting out more and his teacher always has some piece of criticism, it seems.  It finally dawned on me that it might be a cultural thing, as the school is pretty strictly focused on academics (Jack’s classroom has homework 4 nights a week, and the other classroom has it 5 nights a week; I know of another school in the district that sends home activity-based homework for the weekends only).  The teacher (maybe the school?) seems to have an attitude of “what skill can’t this kid do yet?” rather than “what skills can this kid build upon?”  I am not the only class mom to notice some worrisome behavior with regard to self-esteem in the kids.

While I do think that Jack will learn a lot at this school, I’m wondering if emotionally this is not a good fit for him.  He is a sensitive and emotional individual and that isn’t likely to change (i.e. see his parents).  On the other hand, maybe he’ll learn some coping skills that could be useful later?  (He has to learn them from someone other than me; I am notorious for my crappy coping skills.)  And, regardless of whether it’s a good fit or not, do we even have the option to be choosy?  It is public school, after all.  And, really, would private school be different and different enough to be worth it?

And that’s when I go back to wanting the house like NOW.  ‘Cause we’ll move out of this neighborhood almost certainly and he’ll move schools almost definitely.  We’d have some sort of indication of whether this is just what a kindergarten transition is going to be like for Jack or if it’s THIS kindergarten that is the issue.

So, we’re in a holding pattern on the school front as well as on the job front.  In addition to those two things…

I spoke to my mom last night.  She has been dealing with ongoing health issues (the medical mystery tour, if you will).  Some time ago, probably close to 10 years ago, it was discovered that my mom had a benign tumor on her pituitary gland.  She was given hormones to shrink the tumor and then sent on her merry way.  When other weird issues started cropping up, they were dismissed as peri-menopause symptoms; however, recent tests show she is a good distance away from menopause still at age 49.  Unfortunately, she is already showing signs of bone loss and she now has a CT scan on her pancreas and an MRI on her head this week to look for tumors.  Not to mention that she is going to have a hysterectomy as soon as she can because of complications from endometriosis (except she has to wait to see what’s up with her cortisol – she may have Addison’s Disease!).

Needless to say, I feel very much like I want to crawl into a hole and hide from all of life’s complications.  I am young, dammit, and I don’t want to be dealing with all of this shit.  I feel overwhelmed and ill equipped to handle even one of these things at a time but all of them at once?  Ugh.

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Filed Under: Family, Growing Up, Parenting 101 Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

New Year Frenzy

January 25, 2011 By 1 Comment

A little more than 3 weeks into the new year and I’m already exhausted.  We adopted a dog from a rescue group right before the holidays:

Lambert has kept us pretty busy with walks and training and dog-proofing, which we fully expected.  What we didn’t expect was a skin infection right off the bat, followed by our next door neighbor deciding to take up a personal crusade to try to force us to get rid of our new dog – a dog who doesn’t bark or growl, who quickly and eagerly learned his name and basic commands, who climbs into our laps for love, and who whimpers because the cats won’t play with him.  How could anyone say that this dog is vicious (as it was called in to Animal Control)?  I don’t get it.  Neither did Animal Control…

We are lucky in that this is just one neighbor and everyone else who meets Lambert finds him to be a great dog.  Still, we have a lawyer just in case (said neighbor has threatened to sue) and there is a lot of activity surrounding this situation that we could have never anticipated.

In other news, Jack is doing great and is growing up too quickly for my liking.  He told me recently he wants to be mummified when he dies.  When I responded with, “Jack, I don’t really want to think about you dying and I hope it doesn’t happen for a very long time,” he told me, “But mom, everyone dies!”  I never thought I’d hear that from a 4 year old!

I still need to submit the application for Jack to attend Kindergarten in the fall.  I can hardly believe I have a child that age but there is no denying it!  We sat down recently and I wrote some words on his Magnedoodle and he could actually read them.  I suspect he can read even more than 3 letter words but he refuses to do anything of the sort in front of me.  He also dislikes to have his picture taken these days.  At least by me.  Maybe I am already embarrassing him…

I’ve attended a couple of baby showers this month for two long-time friends who are pregnant with their first babies.  It brought back a lot of memories and contemplation, especially with the addition of the puppy in our house.  I’m glad that I can be there for friends who are beginning the parenthood journey and share my experience so that maybe others can do it better.  I’m also hoping that if I do it again I’ll be able to keep in mind that I kind of know what I’m doing now.  That’s a good feeling.

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Filed Under: Babyman, Family, Growing Up, Photos Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Halloween with Bat Boy

November 10, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Halloween was busy for us this year.  We ended up getting a ton of use out of Jack’s bat costume.  First we went to the Goblin Jamboree at the Bay Area Discovery Museum where Jack rode a pony for the first time, met up with chickens and rabbits and goats at the petting zoo, got his face painted, and experienced a kiddie version of a haunted house.

When we got home I did a little decorating around the house, including trying out these decals I got from Stampin’ Up! (yes, that is self-promotion right there – I am a demonstrator) and putting together these treat bags for Jack’s daycare buddies.

My employer invited all the employee parents to bring their kids in on October 28th so Jack got to pal around with me at work for a bit.  He had been begging to go to work with me instead of daycare each morning, so I was happy to finally be able to oblige him.  He was very excited, but he got over it pretty quickly and by the second hour he decided to hide under my desk.  He did leave me this drawing on my whiteboard (and asked me to write the names of each alien).

Halloween itself was pretty chill.  All of Jack’s parents got together to take him for a spin around the block.  I think Jack likes seeing the other kids in costume more than anything else – he was done with Trick-or-Treating after a block and a half or so.  He then said he wanted to go home and finish his dinner.  We handed out candy for a while and then Jack went to bed right on time.  It was surprisingly easy…how’s that for eerie?

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Filed Under: 110 in 2010, Family, Holidays, Photos Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Truthiness Day 28: Ankle Biter

November 4, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Well, if I got someone pregnant, that would just be freaking weird.  I guess I’d try to sell my story to the highest bidder.

If I were pregnant, I’d feel irritated at the waste of taking birth control pills.  I’d also be a little bit surprised that I had conceived unintentionally despite the combination of the pill and my wonky reproductive system.  I would also not be too surprised because I’m uber-paranoid about this type of thing.  I pretty much test weekly and have a stash of 50 pregnancy tests under the sink that I bought from Amazon in bulk…hey, I think this is the responsible thing to do when you’re a regular wine drinker and take other medications that aren’t so great for pregnancy.  Okay, fine.  I’m also slightly neurotic.

Other than that, I’d be both cautiously happy and freaking out.  Having a second child in this house is far from ideal due to a lack of space and the constantly barking dogs who live upstairs that would totally drive me mad when they wake up my newborn.  We’ve already decided that it would be better if Jack didn’t have to share a room with a sibling because he will be going back and forth between our house and his dad’s – he needs a space that is strictly his own.  We aren’t ready to move out of this house right now because the rent is dirt cheap for the area and Jack’s daycare is half a mile away.  The other rentals in our area are both more expensive and smaller and we don’t have a dime for a down payment on a house right now.

Idealistic thoughts aside, we’d totally make it work.  We’re good at planning, arranging, and we generally come out on top.  We want another child but unless it happens by accident we will probably end up planning the crap out of it and so who the hell knows when it will actually happen (although I’m aiming for before I turn 40).

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Filed Under: 30 Days of Truth, Family, Parenting 101 Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Truthiness Day 24: My Saturn Return Playlist

October 31, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Dear 2008,

You were a year of change.  I was 27 and the term “Saturn Return” fit this year perfectly.  I finally began taking care of myself – attended a Managing Depression class, started taking Prozac again and going to therapy, separated from Joe, moved out on my own for the first time in my life, and fell in love with David.  It was a hard year with so many ups and downs, and yet one of the most important of my life.  I mourned losses, faced bitterness, found hope, and discovered love again in all kinds of unexpected ways.  This playlist will always remind me of you – it runs the gamut of endings, beginnings, and everything between.

  1. We’re Going to be Friends – The White Stripes
  2. O Valencia! – The Decemberists
  3. (If You’re Wondering if I Want You To) I Want You To – Weezer
  4. Young Folks – Pete Bjorn & John
  5. Let’s Never Stop Falling in Love – Pink Martini
  6. Hey Pretty – POE
  7. A Stroke of Luck – Garbage
  8. The Kill (Bury Me) – 30 Seconds to Mars
  9. Extraordinary Machine – Fiona Apple
  10. Struggle – Ringside
  11. Bleeding Love – Leona Lewis
  12. Nothing Better – The Postal Service
  13. Calling it Quits – Aimee Mann
  14. (Don’t Fear) The Reaper – Blue Oyster Cult
  15. Communication – The Cardigans
  16. Island – Heather Nova
  17. The Way I Am – Ingrid Michaelson
  18. It’s Amazing – Jem
  19. Maybe Tomorrow – Stereophonics
  20. Rocket Man (I Think It’s Going to be a Long Long Time) – Elton John
  21. Hanging on Too Long – Duffy

From crying in the bathroom at work to finding my safe space in my own little apartment to gaining an understanding of my capacity to live and love, it was an amazing year.  Thanks for the memories.

Sincerely,
Crystal

Filed Under: 30 Days of Truth, Divorce, Getting my groove back Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Truthiness Day 14: Goodbye to you

October 20, 2010 By 3 Comments

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Dear Dad,

Where do I begin?

When I was a child you were the person I looked up to the most.  You were smart, good looking and talented even beyond music, art, and sports.  My world revolved around you; when my mom told me to go to sleep so that I could wake up and see Mr. Sunshine, I thought she was talking about you.

With all that you had going for you, I don’t understand how you could do the things you did.  You seemed to carry so much life, yet you destroyed that light with drugs.  You then left the evidence behind for me to find and I had to ask my mother, “Why is daddy sniffing sugar?”  How could you pack your things and leave my mom while she was 6 months pregnant with your third child together?  Do you know that she had a panic attack when she came home to an empty house?  You then proceeded to max out the credit card buying things for your new girlfriend while my mom worked the night shift at the gas station to make ends meet…while your girlfriend was being swathed in the fur coat you bought for her, my mom was held up at gun point on more than one occasion.

You were neglectful and reckless.  You left me in charge of my younger siblings while you went out to party before I was even 9 years old.  You nearly drove us off the side of the levee into the river in your VW Bug regularly just so you could get a thrill.  I still can’t get anywhere near the side of a cliff without dealing with panic and vertigo.  I also can’t pick up the telephone without suffering severe anxiety thanks to your yelling at me for forgetting phone numbers when calling Information on your behalf.

Recently I learned that you hit me in the stomach because I left the table without asking for permission.  I was 3 or 4 years old.  I can’t even begin to wrap my head around that one.

I’ve heard a lot of excuses for the things you did, and so much blame has been shifted to others.  I think my grandparents still put you up on a pedestal, believing that you were their golden boy who could never do wrong.

I missed you for a long time after you died.  Now I can’t help but think of how much more damage you would have caused in the lives of others if you had lived past 30.  I barely remember the good things because there is just so much bad to eclipse them.  I wish I could still pretend that you were a good dad.  I wish I still had my hero.

Sincerely,

Crystal

Filed Under: 110 in 2010, 30 Days of Truth, Family, Issues Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,
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