Truthiness Day 24: My Saturn Return Playlist

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Dear 2008,

You were a year of change.  I was 27 and the term “Saturn Return” fit this year perfectly.  I finally began taking care of myself – attended a Managing Depression class, started taking Prozac again and going to therapy, separated from Joe, moved out on my own for the first time in my life, and fell in love with David.  It was a hard year with so many ups and downs, and yet one of the most important of my life.  I mourned losses, faced bitterness, found hope, and discovered love again in all kinds of unexpected ways.  This playlist will always remind me of you – it runs the gamut of endings, beginnings, and everything between.

  1. We’re Going to be Friends – The White Stripes
  2. O Valencia! – The Decemberists
  3. (If You’re Wondering if I Want You To) I Want You To – Weezer
  4. Young Folks – Pete Bjorn & John
  5. Let’s Never Stop Falling in Love – Pink Martini
  6. Hey Pretty – POE
  7. A Stroke of Luck – Garbage
  8. The Kill (Bury Me) – 30 Seconds to Mars
  9. Extraordinary Machine – Fiona Apple
  10. Struggle – Ringside
  11. Bleeding Love – Leona Lewis
  12. Nothing Better – The Postal Service
  13. Calling it Quits – Aimee Mann
  14. (Don’t Fear) The Reaper – Blue Oyster Cult
  15. Communication – The Cardigans
  16. Island – Heather Nova
  17. The Way I Am – Ingrid Michaelson
  18. It’s Amazing – Jem
  19. Maybe Tomorrow – Stereophonics
  20. Rocket Man (I Think It’s Going to be a Long Long Time) – Elton John
  21. Hanging on Too Long – Duffy

From crying in the bathroom at work to finding my safe space in my own little apartment to gaining an understanding of my capacity to live and love, it was an amazing year.  Thanks for the memories.

Sincerely,
Crystal

Truthiness Day 13: Catharsis

Warwick Avenue (song)
Image via Wikipedia

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Dear Duffy,

I listened to your album Rockferry constantly in 2008 after Joe and I split up.  Not only did your album include songs that mirrored many of the things I felt while going through that break up and starting divorce proceedings (like Warwick Avenue), but there were also songs that reflected my excitement about my new beginning (i.e. Distant Dreamer).  It was an odd time for me – mourning losses while also discovering new, fulfilling experiences.  There was a lot of sadness but also I started to realize my strength and gained new respect for myself.

I haven’t listened to Rockferry in over a year and even then I didn’t hit repeat like I did two years ago.  It’s a great album, truly, and it helped me during a rough chapter of my life.  Putting the album on was nice in the sense that I found out that I had moved on and didn’t feel any need to revisit that time.  I’m a stronger, healthier person now.

Thank you,

Crystal

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Child of Divorce

Since Joe’s work schedule changed recently, we have also changed our joint custody/visitation schedule.  This is the first week trying out the new pick up and drop off since the Texas trip.  Generally David will be picking Jack up from Joe’s on Thursday nights since it is on his way home from work and I don’t drive on Thursday evenings (that’s a post for another time although I’m not making any promises).  David is out of town currently so Joe was kind enough to bring Jack to my house this evening so that I wouldn’t have to drive.  This seemed like a good thing…until around bedtime.

We have a routine of tooth brushing, picking out three books, and going to bed.  I needed to tell Jack to pick out books several times and at one point Jack dissolved into tears.  He told me he was sad that his dad brought him here.  Wow, that was hard to hear!  After setting aside my own feelings on hearing that, I asked him why it made him sad.  He told me he thought his dad, stepmom, and he were visiting and then going back to his dad’s house.  I reassured him that his dad loves him and the dam broke.  I told him that it’s okay to be sad and miss his dad, that I love him too and he’ll see his dad soon.  We snuggled and talked and eventually he relaxed, smiled, laughed and was back to his goofy self.

To my knowledge, this is the first time this has happened.  Somehow we neglected to discuss the schedule change with Jack and prepare him properly, I guess.  I remember being a kid and having feelings similar to what Jack expressed tonight after getting dropped off at my mom’s or dad’s.  I think perhaps a drop-off can feel a bit like abandonment.  So heartbreaking!

There are a few ways I think we can approach this.  It might be best to avoid drop-offs.  We were doing that previously (unintentionally) but I didn’t realize how important it was until now.  Talking and hugging and reassurance seemed to help Jack a lot.  He pays a lot of attention to the messages in books, so we read The Kissing Hand tonight (it was loaned to me today – great timing!) and I recently purchased Two Homes.  I was planning on giving him Two Homes for his birthday but perhaps I need to pull it out earlier than that.

This has honestly caught me by surprise.  Perhaps due to his age, Jack has seemed mostly unaffected by the divorce until now.  I have to wonder if this incident was due to our poor preparation this once or if this will come up more as he gets older and can reason better.  Anybody know?

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Ducks in a Row

Marriage
Image by jcoterhals via Flickr

If you follow me on Twitter, you know that as of last week (May 18 to be exact) I am an officially divorced woman!  For those of you who aren’t over there, now you know, as well!  After 19 months of paperwork hell, it is finally DONE.  Joe and I exchanged congratulations via text afterward and all was well with the world!

So, what’s next?  If you had asked me two years ago, I would have told you I would never get married again.  My first marriage did not go as expected and frankly left me with little trust in relationships.  It was very freeing to move out on my own, though, and being out of that relationship has done wonders for my state of mind.

David and I knew very early on that we had met our soul mates in one another.  I was still a bit surprised, though, when I realized that I was certain that I wanted David to be my husband.  We waited for the divorce to go through but when it became apparent that the process was going to take longer than expected, we gave up on being politically correct and got engaged anyway.  It’s rare that a day goes by that one of us doesn’t propose to the other all over again.  (Awwww…)

We’ve gone through several iterations of wedding plans but we are set now for September 5.  My dress has been purchased, the invitations are addressed, and the cake has been tasted and ordered.  It will be a small, intimate wedding with a backyard reception before we fly off to Italy for our honeymoon.  I’m so happy to be leaving the angst of a failed marriage behind.  I am so thankful that I feel healed now and ready for my life as Mrs. T.

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Wishing and hoping

The divorce papers have been sent in yet again and it looks like they were received today.  I’m hoping with every piece of me that they are accepted this time, right before this process hits the 1.5 year anniversary.

If you plan on hiring a service to do the paperwork in your divorce, email me first to ask which one I used.  My friend Sarah gives big props to Legal Zoom for her smooth divorce.  I was too cheap for them.  Yay for cheap…