Combing The Bay (Area)

February 7, 2012 By Leave a Comment

We are looking for a house. I know how that sounds, considering David is unemployed and Jack was just diagnosed with Leukemia but, well, we’ve been diligently saving for it and had the purchase/move in our plan for this summer. The social worker at the hospital told me right off the bat that we shouldn’t set aside all of our life plans. We should carry on with life and keep it as normal as possible. We don’t want Jack to feel like his health is messing up our life or something. Okay…yeah.

So, we’re looking at houses. Our current place is too small for us and has some maintenance issues besides (we have a lackadaisical landlord on one hand…but really cheap rent on the other). We’d like to be in a place that is more accessible to the hospital since we’ll be spending a lot of time there over the next three years. Gas and tolls for crossing t he Bay Bridge are expensive!

We’ve gotten pre-qualified and are pretty much ready to go with a Cal FHA first time homebuyer’s loan (which allows us to get a house with only a 3.5% down payment). We’re lucky enough to be able to qualify for stuff on my income alone, which bodes well for our future once the job market recovers for realsies.

In the mean time, we are looking at houses online every day and setting up showings and attending open houses on the weekends. I know some people find this fun but I am not one of those people. Also, I’m impatient – I just want to find something that works and buy it. Not to mention I’m a sucker for a good deal…it’s a good thing my husband is more level-headed about these things.

Part of what makes this difficult is that we don’t have a particular city in this area that we love. We have friends all over the place here, I work in the city, Jack’s dad lives an hour south of the city, and the hospital is 40 minutes east of us and over a bridge in Oakland. We are central to friends, Jack’s dad, and the hospital right now…but it’s the city – we can’t afford a decent house here (with a yard for our dog) AND guarantee Jack will go to a decent school (enrollment is a lottery system, transferring is a crapshoot, and there is no way I’m driving across the city to take Jack to the school he currently attends).

So, anyway…wish us luck. We hope to find something that we love for a more-than-affordable price that is convenient and takes an adequately lengthy time to complete the buying process (this is where short sales come in handy – we want to find something now but buy months from now so that we don’t have to ask family members for “cash gifts”).

In the mean time I’ll be over here freaking out about growing up…

***

By the way, go check out Band Back Together today – Jack and the Monkey In My Chair program are featured.

Filed Under: Domesticating Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Unresolved

January 4, 2012 By 5 Comments

We had a good holiday. I missed Jack on Christmas day (he was with his dad in Washington) but we got to celebrate in our own way when he got back. Christmas day we hosted David’s sister, my sister’s family, and our friend Mike. It was our first time hosting Christmas dinner – with place mats and everything! – and it turned out pretty fabulous, if I do say so myself.

We rocked stockings this year. Our dog ate the stocking I had from childhood (two days before Christmas) and that was really sad. He also ate the stocking I had a friend create for David. Looks like we’ll be getting new stockings… In any case, it felt like a very grown up thing to be in charge of stockings in addition to the Christmas dinner. I was very much a mom, filling them with toothbrushes and hand sanitizer and such. (There were fun things, too, I promise.)

I got really depressed after the holiday was over. I wasn’t sure why at first (other than it’s December and it’s winter and I was tired) but upon thinking it over I realized a few things – the biggest of which is that my family is so small. I have David and Jack and then my sister who lives across the country. My mother is embroiled in her endless medical issues – in for tests every week and firing physicians left and right – and seems to be off on another planet. Spending time with my dad’s parents, while lovely, also underlined the fact that I don’t have a mom or dad to turn to these days. I am the grown up. How did THAT happen?

I then started feeling baby crazy. THAT was driving me mad because, holy cow, now is NOT the time! But despite the million reasons I could list why I didn’t want another kid right now, the little voice in my head and the ache in my chest wouldn’t go away. That just made me angrier – upset at my own biology, irritated at my brain grasping at straws in order to create connections that I seem to be missing.

I feel old. I feel like emotionally I’m being propelled into a reality that I shouldn’t be physically facing for another 15 years. Suddenly I’m worrying about older family members losing their minds as well as their fortitude, worrying about how many childbearing years I have left, and feeling as if I must have missed something in my 31 years. But when and where? My life thus far has been overwhelmingly full. Where is it that I could have possibly squeezed in one more thing? And didn’t I already have my midlife crisis?

Needless to say, the new year is here and I am unprepared. I’m doing what I always do – marching on as best I can – and hoping things fall in line. I just wish I could feel like I have more of a say in where that line is going and what tune is being played.

Filed Under: Domesticating, Growing Up, Holidays Tagged With: , , ,

Good Things

September 29, 2011 By 2 Comments

Cream of wheat (lumpy)

Pumpkin spice (in a latte or oatmeal)

Stomping on crunchy leaves in the fall

Raspberry or cherry almond (anything)

Lykke Li

Virgin America (and mini vacations)

The cool side of the pillow

Long sleeve cuffs that extend over my palms

Fleece hoodies

Caresses on the neck

The ability to keep certain thoughts and imaginings private

Wine

Migraine medication

Love

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Filed Under: Getting my groove back Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Greek Gods of Yogurt

August 29, 2011 By Leave a Comment

dannon_oikos.jpg

I wrote this post while participating in a blog tour conducted by Clever Girls on behalf of Dannon. I have been compensated for my time commitment to the program but my opinions are my own.

For more information and recipe ideas, visit www.oikosyogurt.com or www.Facebook.com/oikos. I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective, which endorses Blog With Integrity, as I do.

By the time Jack’s dad and I split in 2008, I was underweight due to stress, depression, and a certain 2 year old stealing half my food (much tastier when it’s on Mama’s plate!). Not only that, but I was still breastfeeding Jack, which had the weight melting off of me. I didn’t have time or energy to keep up with my nutritional needs and before I knew it I was wearing size 0 pants for the first time in my life (LIFE, PEOPLE!). I was losing my curves and absolutely not happy about it.

David and I started dating in the fall that year and one of our favorite things to do together was eat. Just about every time we got together, we went out to dinner or he cooked for me with LOADS of butter or cream. Between that and eating lunch together daily, plus weaning Jack at 2 1/2 years old, I gained 30 lbs…and was steadily climbing. I am a small person and most would say PFFT, but none of my clothes fit me anymore and my BMI tipped to overweight.  30 lbs on a small frame like mine is a lot.

That was when I joined Weight Watchers. I wanted to get to a healthy weight somewhere between under- and over-weight, and I did it in a decent amount of time. I took a break from it for awhile when life got busy, but I’m back at it (albeit only via the online tool). With WW I can pretty much eat the foods I like, but I need to watch portions. Rather than eating cupcakes every day (which, yes, I absolutely was doing for a while – hey, they are half off between 2-3pm at work!) I now only indulge a few times a month. (I suppose I could find a diet cupcake but that is just BUNK.  Or, if I really wanted a cupcake that badly, I could, like, do exercise, but it’s not THAT important to me.)

So cream and butter aren’t in my diet much anymore except in small portions and in yogurt form. I had a thing for maple yogurt with cream on the top but that had to go.  I turned to Greek-style yogurt, which was slightly better points-wise, but had a hard time finding a nonfat type that I actually liked (NF Greek yogurt tends to be a bit sour, in my opinion). I then got the opportunity to try this nonfat Oikos Greek yogurt and I marched down to my grocery store to grab some.

Lucky for me, the Oikos yogurts were on sale 4 for $5. Woot! I was bummed they didn’t have honey flavor (my fave Greek yogurt variety), but I got peach, blueberry, raspberry, and cherry (the fruit on the bottom type). I promptly went home and ate the raspberry one and it was absolutely frickin’ delicious. It wasn’t sour like the other NF Greek yogurts I’ve tried, thank goodness! Also unlike other nonfat yogurts, the yogurt wasn’t thin and runny. I was a happy camper.

I popped into the WW tool online, plugged in the nutrition facts and found out that the Oikos yogurt is the same number of points as the nonfat stuff I’d been eating. SCORE!  (If you’re on WW, typical Greek yogurt is about 7 points and Oikos is 3 – even some of the FF yogurts out there are 4!)  So, uh, NO DUH I’d recommend it. Healthy, yummy snack for the win!

Two important pieces of info you will surely want to know:

  1. Dannon® Oikos® Plain and Fruit on the Bottom contains 0% fat, while the Dannon® Oikos® traditional blended varieties contains about 3% fat. Both are an excellent source of protein, twice that of most regular lowfat yogurts.
  2. Dannon® Oikos® 0% varieties contain active yogurt cultures and range from 80 calories (Plain) to 130 calories (Fruit on the Bottom) per 5.3 oz. cup.

Oh and another tidbit that I found interesting – Oikos is actually owned by Stonyfield Farms, makers of the little yogurts (one of the few that can be found in organic) I prefer to give my kid.  If it’s related to organic, that’s almost like it IS organic, right?  (Did you know if you have a carrot cupcake, it totally counts toward your veggies for the day?  ;)   You’re welcome.)

By the way, for you breastfeeding moms out there, yogurt contains probiotics, which ward off thrush (if you haven’t gotten it, that is).

I have partnered with Dannon to help promote the Dannon Oikos Greek Yogurt Series. I have been compensated for my time commitment to the program, which includes writing about the promotion and product; however, my opinions are entirely my own and I have not been paid to publish positive comments.

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Filed Under: Breastfeeding, Getting my groove back, Nutrition Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Fundraising Event for Band Back Together

June 3, 2011 By 1 Comment

I have been volunteering some time to help Becky Harks, founder of Band Back Together, for a few months now.  Band Back Together (BB2G) is a group blog where anyone can write and contribute a story and receive support from a community of bloggers.  The site covers anything from mental health to parenting to self improvement in the “Bringing Back the Happy World Tour.”

Since it’s launch in August 2011 the site has quickly become a favorite on the web.  The site won a 2011 Bloggie Award for “Best Kept Secret” and is currently a front runner at Circle of Moms as a Top 25 Mental Wellness blog.

Becky announced this week that the site is aiming to go non-profit.  This requires a good deal of time, paperwork, and, yes, money.  Everything related to the site has come out of Becky’s pocket thus far; however, there are many folks who are volunteering time and have offered to donate to costs, as well.  In an effort to facilitate this process, I have decided to donate all of my Stampin’ Up! profits on June sales (my profits are 20% of product sales) to Band Back Together.

So, details:
Make a purchase through this website in June and I will donate my profits of every sale to Band Back Together.  No matter what you buy or how much you spend, I’ll send it to Becky to help with the non-profit effort.  Just leave me a comment or send me an email to let me know that you’d like the proceeds to go to BB2G (we’d like to thank you!).

I am so lucky to be able to be involved with Band Back Together and so very thankful for the site’s presence on the internet.  I hope you are, too!

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Filed Under: Getting my groove back, Issues Tagged With: , , , , ,

I am blogging for mental health

May 18, 2011 By 7 Comments

May is Mental Health Month and today in particular is Mental Health Blogging Day.  I am a longtime sufferer of mentalMental Health Blog Party Badge illness and an advocate for awareness and support through the community support website Band Back Together.

I think days like this are important to let others know that they are not alone in their struggles with mental health issues.  Whether you are a sufferer, a friend, a family member, or an acquaintance of someone with a mental health issue, you can educate yourself and others and help make the world a more compassionate and supportive place.

My name is Crystal and I deal with mental illness on a regular basis.

Sometimes I don’t act like ME because I suffer from chronic Depression (diagnosed at age 14), Anxiety, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (DES-NOS, specifically).  I attend weekly therapy and take medication to help me manage these issues.  I have difficulties managing my response to stressful situations and memories due to the way that my brain processes information/stimuli – multiple traumas throughout my life have impacted the way I view and experience the world around me.

Despite dealing with these issues for so much of my life, I can still live a normal life – I am not ‘crazy.’  I have a wonderful relationship with my husband and son.  I have a great job at a place I’ve worked for the past 3.5 years.  I have friends and hobbies and many of the same worries that others out there have.

Most days I am a very high functioning individual.  Sometimes I need to step back from my responsibilities a little bit and focus on taking extra care of myself.  There are those days when I can’t get out of bed – on those days I need help from my support network of family and friends.  I have fantastic people in my life who have helped me even when they don’t know it.

*****

I have heard various awful things said about those who suffer from mental illness over the years, even from people I love.  The stigma of mental illness still leads people to state that they wouldn’t vote for a politician who was known to have a mental disorder, or that those with a mental illness should not have children.  It’s disheartening to hear these things and I’m hopeful that as we speak out, the stigma will lift more and more.

If you or someone you know suffers from a mental illness, please take the time to educate yourself about the symptoms and effects on their life.  If you would like to reach out to a community for support please visit Band Back Together.

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Filed Under: Getting my groove back, Issues, PPD Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

2010 Goals – Year End Status

December 28, 2010 By Leave a Comment

With four days left in 2010, I thought it would be good to review how my goals panned out this year.  I’m counting 66 goals as completed, which lands me at 60%.  I am calling that a great accomplishment!

There are some things left undone that I have decided aren’t important to me any longer and will revise for next year.  Others that are still important (even some that are completed) will be included on next year’s goal list.  I’m not exactly sure if I’ll compile such a large list for 2011 but the challenge is pretty fun so…maybe!

  1. Read a book – something other than a kids book – I’m halfway through Never Let Me Go (still working on it)
  2. Replace the rear breaks on my car
  3. Pay off my student loan
  4. Create a scrapbook of Jack’s artwork
  5. Obtain wardrobe storage for Jack’s room
  6. Reorganize our master closet
  7. Reorganize my side of the bed
  8. Finalize my divorce
  9. Marry David
  10. Travel abroad – Italy in September!
  11. Visit my friends the Scotts in Salem, OR
  12. Stick with an exercise routine
  13. Go bowling with David
  14. Go wine tasting in Napa/Sonoma – April
  15. Get savings account to at least $300
  16. Maintain at least $300 in savings account  - the wedding kind of did this one in…
  17. Have fewer migraines overall this year I did have less thanks to Midrin!
  18. Take Jack to a movie theater for the first time
  19. Buy comfortable heels
  20. Get my tattoo touched up
  21. Research preschools – um, kindergartens…done, now to apply
  22. Attend a concert – Tom Petty in June
  23. See a play or musical – Compulsion starring Mandy Patinkin at Berkeley Rep
  24. Watch five classic movies – From Russia with Love, Citizen Kane, Harvey, The Godfather, Wizard of Oz
  25. Obtain contact lenses
  26. Get a new cell phone – bought a new piece of crap in May
  27. Hire a maid
  28. Go to a theme park
  29. Go camping
  30. Play miniature golf
  31. Eat lunch regularly ongoing
  32. Drink at least one glass of water per day – I didn’t do this every day but I got a LOT better
  33. Finish one of my quilts-in-progress - I didn’t even touch one
  34. Make more money than I did in 2009 got a raise this year, got paid for writing
  35. Save up ahead of time for Christmas gifts – counting this since I didn’t put any on the credit card!
  36. Get my poor car an oil change
  37. Update my resume
  38. Replace my squeaky shoes
  39. Try out teeth whitening
  40. Have my eyebrows dyed
  41. Take a college class – QUIT (David pointed out it doesn’t say “finish”)
  42. Get a nice necklace (i.e. not costume jewelry) – David bought me one for Christmas
  43. Publish my year 3 blog book through blurb
  44. Go skiing
  45. Learn to play poker decently good enough
  46. Catch up on filing at home
  47. Get up to doing 10 push-ups comfortably again
  48. Get Jack potty trained at home – he could poop and pee in the potty as of April!  No looking back!
  49. Get a Dyson vacuum cleaner got a cheaper one with better reviews actually 3/28/10
  50. Buy new undergarments
  51. Catch up on the Heroes series – completed 3/26/10
  52. Replace luggage
  53. Visit Alcatraz
  54. Learn basic yoga poses
  55. Buy cute pajamas
  56. Buy a GPS unit Beth gave me one!
  57. Donate to charity
  58. Obtain nail polish remover
  59. Write & send a letter the old fashioned way
  60. Start saving for a house – we made a plan…
  61. See a chiropractor
  62. Take a dance lesson
  63. Wash my car
  64. Sing at karaoke
  65. Learn how to enjoy relaxation
  66. Ride my bike a few times a month
  67. Floss my teeth every day – I achieved this about 90% of the time
  68. Watch the Firefly series
  69. Be a better blog commenter
  70. Have a family portrait taken – took one at Science Academy, at wedding
  71. Send out Christmas cards
  72. Eat at a French restaurant
  73. Have breakfast in bed – had french toast and fruit on Mother’s Day
  74. Get a professional massage – 4/1/10
  75. Figure out how to get my files off the external hard drive with the weird blinky light
  76. See a movie in the theater with David
  77. See a movie in the theater with a chick friend – saw two!
  78. Have a girl’s night
  79. Bake a (good) pie
  80. Dress up for Halloween – Star Trek costume
  81. Visit a national park or monument that I haven’t been to
  82. Eat at an Ethiopian restaurant
  83. Take Jack to a zoo SF Zoo in August
  84. Find a go-to hiking place – Mt. Tam?
  85. Do something new with my hair
  86. Surprise someone with a flower/chocolate/etc. delivery -  old boss, David at new job
  87. Visit my (paternal) grandparents they came to the wedding
  88. Write a chapter of my life story
  89. Take a friend to traditional tea time
  90. Go ice skating
  91. Assemble a disaster kit
  92. Watch at least one of The Godfather movies
  93. Participate in Project 365 -started but quit
  94. Cook Kase Knoephla based on my Great Grandma’s recipe
  95. Investigate my ancestry/heritage
  96. Get my car (the Subaru) a tune up David did that
  97. Get a mani/pedi every other month or so nailed it!
  98. Wear a dress or skirt once a week – started in Jan, then quit, then almost made up for it in Italy
  99. Finish my photo project for my mom
  100. Set birthday reminders on my google calendar
  101. Set up gift idea tracking lists for friends and family
  102. Attend a blogger-based social event - BlogHer!
  103. Write a bereavement letter to my dad
  104. Put all of my favorite recipes into a binder
  105. Tell Jack I love him every day – ongoing
  106. Tell David I love him every day – ongoing
  107. Write thank you notes that have nothing to do with gifts
  108. Respect my own limits by saying no more often – ongoing, getting better
  109. Daydream about the future – ongoing
  110. Enjoy my life every day – ongoing and succeeded about 95% of the time!
Filed Under: 110 in 2010, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

Bootstraps

November 18, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Genmaicha ("brown rice tea", Japanes...

Image via Wikipedia

It’s been a pretty rough couple of weeks for me.  For a lot of others, too, I know.  While I sit here munching on candy corn and drinking a soothing cup of tea, I thought I would list some of my favorite things.

What are some of your favorite things?
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Filed Under: About Me, Getting my groove back

Halloween with Bat Boy

November 10, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Halloween was busy for us this year.  We ended up getting a ton of use out of Jack’s bat costume.  First we went to the Goblin Jamboree at the Bay Area Discovery Museum where Jack rode a pony for the first time, met up with chickens and rabbits and goats at the petting zoo, got his face painted, and experienced a kiddie version of a haunted house.

When we got home I did a little decorating around the house, including trying out these decals I got from Stampin’ Up! (yes, that is self-promotion right there – I am a demonstrator) and putting together these treat bags for Jack’s daycare buddies.

My employer invited all the employee parents to bring their kids in on October 28th so Jack got to pal around with me at work for a bit.  He had been begging to go to work with me instead of daycare each morning, so I was happy to finally be able to oblige him.  He was very excited, but he got over it pretty quickly and by the second hour he decided to hide under my desk.  He did leave me this drawing on my whiteboard (and asked me to write the names of each alien).

Halloween itself was pretty chill.  All of Jack’s parents got together to take him for a spin around the block.  I think Jack likes seeing the other kids in costume more than anything else – he was done with Trick-or-Treating after a block and a half or so.  He then said he wanted to go home and finish his dinner.  We handed out candy for a while and then Jack went to bed right on time.  It was surprisingly easy…how’s that for eerie?

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Filed Under: 110 in 2010, Family, Holidays, Photos Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Truthiness Day 24: My Saturn Return Playlist

October 31, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Dear 2008,

You were a year of change.  I was 27 and the term “Saturn Return” fit this year perfectly.  I finally began taking care of myself – attended a Managing Depression class, started taking Prozac again and going to therapy, separated from Joe, moved out on my own for the first time in my life, and fell in love with David.  It was a hard year with so many ups and downs, and yet one of the most important of my life.  I mourned losses, faced bitterness, found hope, and discovered love again in all kinds of unexpected ways.  This playlist will always remind me of you – it runs the gamut of endings, beginnings, and everything between.

  1. We’re Going to be Friends – The White Stripes
  2. O Valencia! – The Decemberists
  3. (If You’re Wondering if I Want You To) I Want You To – Weezer
  4. Young Folks – Pete Bjorn & John
  5. Let’s Never Stop Falling in Love – Pink Martini
  6. Hey Pretty – POE
  7. A Stroke of Luck – Garbage
  8. The Kill (Bury Me) – 30 Seconds to Mars
  9. Extraordinary Machine – Fiona Apple
  10. Struggle – Ringside
  11. Bleeding Love – Leona Lewis
  12. Nothing Better – The Postal Service
  13. Calling it Quits – Aimee Mann
  14. (Don’t Fear) The Reaper – Blue Oyster Cult
  15. Communication – The Cardigans
  16. Island – Heather Nova
  17. The Way I Am – Ingrid Michaelson
  18. It’s Amazing – Jem
  19. Maybe Tomorrow – Stereophonics
  20. Rocket Man (I Think It’s Going to be a Long Long Time) – Elton John
  21. Hanging on Too Long – Duffy

From crying in the bathroom at work to finding my safe space in my own little apartment to gaining an understanding of my capacity to live and love, it was an amazing year.  Thanks for the memories.

Sincerely,
Crystal

Filed Under: 30 Days of Truth, Divorce, Getting my groove back Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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