Combing The Bay (Area)

February 7, 2012 By Leave a Comment

We are looking for a house. I know how that sounds, considering David is unemployed and Jack was just diagnosed with Leukemia but, well, we’ve been diligently saving for it and had the purchase/move in our plan for this summer. The social worker at the hospital told me right off the bat that we shouldn’t set aside all of our life plans. We should carry on with life and keep it as normal as possible. We don’t want Jack to feel like his health is messing up our life or something. Okay…yeah.

So, we’re looking at houses. Our current place is too small for us and has some maintenance issues besides (we have a lackadaisical landlord on one hand…but really cheap rent on the other). We’d like to be in a place that is more accessible to the hospital since we’ll be spending a lot of time there over the next three years. Gas and tolls for crossing t he Bay Bridge are expensive!

We’ve gotten pre-qualified and are pretty much ready to go with a Cal FHA first time homebuyer’s loan (which allows us to get a house with only a 3.5% down payment). We’re lucky enough to be able to qualify for stuff on my income alone, which bodes well for our future once the job market recovers for realsies.

In the mean time, we are looking at houses online every day and setting up showings and attending open houses on the weekends. I know some people find this fun but I am not one of those people. Also, I’m impatient – I just want to find something that works and buy it. Not to mention I’m a sucker for a good deal…it’s a good thing my husband is more level-headed about these things.

Part of what makes this difficult is that we don’t have a particular city in this area that we love. We have friends all over the place here, I work in the city, Jack’s dad lives an hour south of the city, and the hospital is 40 minutes east of us and over a bridge in Oakland. We are central to friends, Jack’s dad, and the hospital right now…but it’s the city – we can’t afford a decent house here (with a yard for our dog) AND guarantee Jack will go to a decent school (enrollment is a lottery system, transferring is a crapshoot, and there is no way I’m driving across the city to take Jack to the school he currently attends).

So, anyway…wish us luck. We hope to find something that we love for a more-than-affordable price that is convenient and takes an adequately lengthy time to complete the buying process (this is where short sales come in handy – we want to find something now but buy months from now so that we don’t have to ask family members for “cash gifts”).

In the mean time I’ll be over here freaking out about growing up…

***

By the way, go check out Band Back Together today – Jack and the Monkey In My Chair program are featured.

Filed Under: Domesticating Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Unresolved

January 4, 2012 By 5 Comments

We had a good holiday. I missed Jack on Christmas day (he was with his dad in Washington) but we got to celebrate in our own way when he got back. Christmas day we hosted David’s sister, my sister’s family, and our friend Mike. It was our first time hosting Christmas dinner – with place mats and everything! – and it turned out pretty fabulous, if I do say so myself.

We rocked stockings this year. Our dog ate the stocking I had from childhood (two days before Christmas) and that was really sad. He also ate the stocking I had a friend create for David. Looks like we’ll be getting new stockings… In any case, it felt like a very grown up thing to be in charge of stockings in addition to the Christmas dinner. I was very much a mom, filling them with toothbrushes and hand sanitizer and such. (There were fun things, too, I promise.)

I got really depressed after the holiday was over. I wasn’t sure why at first (other than it’s December and it’s winter and I was tired) but upon thinking it over I realized a few things – the biggest of which is that my family is so small. I have David and Jack and then my sister who lives across the country. My mother is embroiled in her endless medical issues – in for tests every week and firing physicians left and right – and seems to be off on another planet. Spending time with my dad’s parents, while lovely, also underlined the fact that I don’t have a mom or dad to turn to these days. I am the grown up. How did THAT happen?

I then started feeling baby crazy. THAT was driving me mad because, holy cow, now is NOT the time! But despite the million reasons I could list why I didn’t want another kid right now, the little voice in my head and the ache in my chest wouldn’t go away. That just made me angrier – upset at my own biology, irritated at my brain grasping at straws in order to create connections that I seem to be missing.

I feel old. I feel like emotionally I’m being propelled into a reality that I shouldn’t be physically facing for another 15 years. Suddenly I’m worrying about older family members losing their minds as well as their fortitude, worrying about how many childbearing years I have left, and feeling as if I must have missed something in my 31 years. But when and where? My life thus far has been overwhelmingly full. Where is it that I could have possibly squeezed in one more thing? And didn’t I already have my midlife crisis?

Needless to say, the new year is here and I am unprepared. I’m doing what I always do – marching on as best I can – and hoping things fall in line. I just wish I could feel like I have more of a say in where that line is going and what tune is being played.

Filed Under: Domesticating, Growing Up, Holidays Tagged With: , , ,

Ducks in a Row

May 24, 2010 By 8 Comments
Marriage
Image by jcoterhals via Flickr

If you follow me on Twitter, you know that as of last week (May 18 to be exact) I am an officially divorced woman!  For those of you who aren’t over there, now you know, as well!  After 19 months of paperwork hell, it is finally DONE.  Joe and I exchanged congratulations via text afterward and all was well with the world!

So, what’s next?  If you had asked me two years ago, I would have told you I would never get married again.  My first marriage did not go as expected and frankly left me with little trust in relationships.  It was very freeing to move out on my own, though, and being out of that relationship has done wonders for my state of mind.

David and I knew very early on that we had met our soul mates in one another.  I was still a bit surprised, though, when I realized that I was certain that I wanted David to be my husband.  We waited for the divorce to go through but when it became apparent that the process was going to take longer than expected, we gave up on being politically correct and got engaged anyway.  It’s rare that a day goes by that one of us doesn’t propose to the other all over again.  (Awwww…)

We’ve gone through several iterations of wedding plans but we are set now for September 5.  My dress has been purchased, the invitations are addressed, and the cake has been tasted and ordered.  It will be a small, intimate wedding with a backyard reception before we fly off to Italy for our honeymoon.  I’m so happy to be leaving the angst of a failed marriage behind.  I am so thankful that I feel healed now and ready for my life as Mrs. T.

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Filed Under: 110 in 2010, Divorce, Domesticating, Getting my groove back Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Spring Cleaning

March 30, 2010 By 3 Comments

While Jack was at his dad’s this weekend, David and I took a trip to IKEA.  We’ve been itching to get our house in order and, miraculously, we were both in the mood to work on it this Saturday.  We filled up the Subaru with new furniture and came home to put it all together.  We completely rearranged our living room before adding the new furniture, and it’s amazing the difference it has made.  I *love* our place all over again.  It also felt wonderful to check a few more items off my 2010 Goal List.

We now have a nifty place to store shoes AND I hung the awesome prints I got from etsy:

DVDs are accessible once again (and yeah, that is more etsy art on the left there)!

Our board games are no longer taking up space in our dining room hutch (photo of flowers by Sarahndipitea!):

David has also been working on the back yard.  A few weeks ago he planted poppies and sweet peas.  This weekend he added Dahlias (per my request).  Pictures will come when they start blooming.

Filed Under: 110 in 2010, Domesticating Tagged With: , , , ,

Project: Re-org

January 29, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Jack’s bedroom is lacking a closet and the older he gets, the more disastrous his room becomes.  I was unsure what to do with the room when we moved to this house back in February, and sadly his room hasn’t improved much since that time.  There is a bookshelf, a small two-drawer unit, and some bins for toys.  Jack’s clothes tend to sit in a large canvas bag I got from Pottery Barn…now you know why “obtain wardrobe storage for Jack’s room” was on my 110 in 2010 list.

Thanks to the wonder that is craigslist, I was able to cross off one of those 110 goals yesterday.  I got a sweet deal on a used Kullen wardrobe from IKEA.  The owner dropped it off and now it’s ours!  David started putting it together last night while I cleared space in Jack’s room for the behemoth piece of furniture.  I’m hoping to get it into his room tonight and start organizing!

I don’t expect this wardrobe is the complete solution for Jack’s room.  It seems like it will take care of the mess that is his clothing, and I may be able to shove a storage bin of toys in there, as well.  I will probably need more storage bins, though.  Ideas?  Suggestions?  I’m definitely not the best at organizing, even though I feel very accomplished when it’s done!  Even if it’s not a complete solution, though it will be a BIG improvement.

Filed Under: Domesticating, Gear, Shopping Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

To the future

January 6, 2010 By 2 Comments

Is it really, truly a new year?  I am having trouble comprehending that.  Instead of feeling pressed for time as the end of the year approaches, I feel like I am letting days slip by.  We’re six days in and what have I accomplished?  Not a whole hell of a lot, I’ll tell you.  I have some big ticket items that I’d like to see come to fruition this year and I’m itching to get a move on.  On the other hand, I’m still recovering from the insanity that was 2009. and a year of rest sounds pretty appealing right now.

In the realm of things that are moving right along… David had an interview yesterday (and, whew, does that man look HOT in a suit!) and has a list of eight more jobs to apply to today.  Fingers crossed and good thoughts and all that!  Our bank account is surprisingly healthy (thanks, Mom, for ingraining frugality into me from a young age!).  Jack is doing fabulous (potty training being a gigantic exception).  My job is going well.  All good things!

I’m looking forward to this being a year of moving on to the next phase.  I’m hopeful that my divorce papers will finally get accepted by the courts.  David will get a fantastic job.  I think maybe, perhaps, Jack might start using the potty at home and we’ll start ramping him up for preschool.  David and I will tie the knot (hopefully in May rather than October) and go on a romantic, relaxing honeymoon together.  And we’ll all live happily ever after!

That’s what my 2010 fairytale looks like anyway.  What about yours?

Filed Under: Domesticating Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

And I’m off!

December 10, 2009 By 2 Comments

Tomorrow is my birthday so we are heading out to Las Vegas tonight.  I’m excited to see many friends as part of the Vegas Birthday Bash.  My birthday dinner will be held at Mon Ami Gabi, a French restaurant I fell in love with during my sister’s wedding reception.  Yummy steak and frites!

Our celebration started last night really.  A few months ago I offhandedly mentioned to David that I’d totally love an R2D2 cake for my birthday.  Fast forward to yesterday when I was presented with this:

R2D2cake

Yup, the man spent several hours literally building a cake for me (receiving moral support from our dear Sarah).  That sucker has six layers of chocolate cake with butter cream frosting – all from scratch.  Four pounds of sugar are in the frosting alone.  Best.birthday.EVER!

See you next week y’all.

Filed Under: Domesticating, Photos Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Proving Superstition Wrong

September 28, 2009 By 3 Comments

I have submitted my divorce paperwork three times.  THREE TIMES YOU GUYS.  Rejected every time.  And you know what?  I hired a service to put the forms together in the first place.  Shelled out a few hundred dollars and I am still (STILL) trying to finalize my divorce 10 months later.  That is more than one month for every year (9) of marriage.  Gah!!!

I’m beyond frustrated and just upset in general with the state of California.  I am upset with the agency I hired, as well, but really I think it is California’s fault for making us folk fill out five million forms for the same fucking thing.  WHY is it so hard to get this done when both parties agree on everything?!?!?!

The only thing I can be glad about is…maybe I’m getting closer to getting the right shit submitted?  I don’t know really but I am trying to make myself feel better with that thought.  Otherwise I will absolutely decide that marriage is not worth the entrapment.  After all, I think it’s more powerful if you can leave a marriage at any time but choose to stay rather than stay because there is too much paperwork to deal with if you leave!!!!

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Parenting Solo

March 26, 2008 By Leave a Comment

Joe left yesterday to fly to Tennessee to visit his friend Johnny.  He will be gone until Saturday, so I am basically a single parent until then.  Oooh, fun.

Jack and I did well on our own last night.  I have learned, though, that I am not a fun bath-giver.  We usually have to coax him out of the bath when Joe is the one administering but with me Jack was demanding to get out after 10 minutes.

We had a nice conversation with Joe when he called in the evening.  I got Jack to tell his daddy he misses him and “I wanna rock!”  Joe was charmed, of course.

Dinner was less of an ordeal than it usually is, and I think this has something to do with the lack of distractions.  Joe is glued to the Simpsons every night and Jack wants to be, as well.  Last night the TV did not get turned on once, and Jack sat in his rocking chair pushed up against an end table and ate his dinner happily.  It could have been a fluke.  I suppose we’ll find out tonight!

On the flip side, Jack has been pickier and clingier at daycare this week.  This is either a sign that he is settling in or he could be coming down with something.  Let’s hope for the former.

Filed Under: Babyman, Domesticating Tagged With:

Letting my freak out

November 9, 2007 By Leave a Comment

The San Francisco Chronicle has a Baby Blog called The Poop (yeah, I don’t care for the name, but whatever).  I just started reading it recently upon a suggestion from my sister-in-law and am really enjoying the content.  Yesterday’s post I’m in control…or am I? is one of my favorites so far, as it hit on something I’ve been struggling with for, oh…eight years now.

Control.  If you couldn’t guess from my posts about food, I am a bit of a control freak.  I like to know how much and of what and when and who was involved, etc.  I think often people get the wrong idea about control freaks, thinking we desire to control people, to be top dog or something.  That is not the case, at least with me.  It’s not about being in charge; it’s about being prepared and feeling that there is something in order when the rest of the world is in chaos.  People and life in general are unpredictable but if I could just keep the logistics together, I could stay afloat.

I married someone who is spontaneous and relaxed and almost my complete opposite in every way.  He tries his best to keep things in order but it’s not his first priority.  Joe thinks, “I need to have fun in my day, and then I can handle the chores,” whereas I find it difficult to have fun if the chores aren’t done.  This might not be such a problem except that I refuse to do someone’s housework for them.  There is a fierce little feminist in my head that stomps her feet when I have to do a man’s laundry, for instance.  I can ignore the feminist’s fury long enough to get dinner on the table most nights, but only if dinner takes less than 30 minutes to prepare.

My inner control freak has been worried for the past 8 years (since Joe moved in!), and then we had Jack and she went completely berzerk.  I didn’t realize this until I read The Chronicle’s column.  I’ve been walking around with this general feeling of unease, staring at the mess in our apartment and wondering what had happened that I let it get this way.  And then I read that article and decided to loosen the reigns on the control freak.  I’d rather spend time with Jack when I get home, and then spend time with my husband or with myself and my neglected craft projects when Jack goes to bed, than worry about the books strewn about the floor that will just get flung off the shelf again in the morning.  Instead of running myself ragged, I’m going to take a page from Joe’s book and be better to myself.  Most of all, I’ll try not to worry so much when someone visits my apartment and things aren’t in order.  Things haven’t been in order for years and it’s time for my inner control freak to get used to it!

Filed Under: Domesticating, Parenting 101, Working Mamahood
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