Some Joy

May 18, 2012 By 2 Comments

Considering the last time I mentioned a house, we were going to wait to look for House #5, this may be surprising to hear, but we’re in escrow on House #6. Mmhmm.

Number 5 came and went and then came 6. This lovely place is down the street from what we’re calling Mold House. It’s also a million times more awesome and the BEST house we’ve seen (in about 60 total). We were more than a little surprised when our offer was accepted. We weren’t surprised at all when the inspection was fabulous. THEN…then the appraisal came back at a bizarrely low amount and the whole thing nearly fell apart with our financing. We challenged the appraisal and after waiting on pins and needles for three and a half days, we finally heard back – the appraisal was revised. The house was once again in our reach if the sellers could meet us half way on bridging the gap in financing. And they DID! Yay!

We’re not out of the woods yet. We need the bank to approve our new financing. But we’re damned close! We should know for sure that everything is a go next week. We assume nothing until then!

Amidst this house drama, Jack lost his first tooth – one on the bottom. For some reason this makes us absurdly happy. I guess because it’s a sign he’s growing up even while fighting cancer. He’s living! And he’s damned cute with a missing tooth. He has a slight lisp and has trouble with S sounds at the moment. It’s adorable.

I also had a wonderful Mother’s Day! David and Jack made me breakfast in bed and then we went out to have fondue for lunch. I loved the pampering. We had our celebration a bit early so that Jack could have fun with his dad the next weekend while David and I took off for Sonoma. I got an incentive trip through a contact at work – two nights in a resort hotel plus wine tasting, dinner, and brunch – all free. We sprung for massages, too. I felt like I got two Mother’s Days!

Life isn’t all bad right now. I’m glad I get some relief, even if it’s hard won!

Filed Under: Cancer Mom, Domesticating, Family Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Eight Weeks

May 16, 2012 By 3 Comments

Tomorrow is the day. Jack starts the Delayed Intensification part of his treatment. It will last eight weeks and add at least eight medications (seven of those are chemotherapy) to the two he is taking now. He’ll take four medications at home – the rest he’ll receive through his Broviac catheter or by spinal injection. He’ll visit the clinic three times within the next ten days alone.

I’m terrified.

So far all of this has been relatively easy, all things considered. We’ve actually managed to forget sometimes that Jack is sick at all. This won’t be the case during this phase. He’ll almost certainly lose all of his hair and experience nausea and vomiting – at least five of the meds list those as likely side effects, not to mention weight loss. He’ll ache and he’ll be moody and he likely won’t sleep well. I can only hope he doesn’t experience the side effects that would result in long-term damage to his body.

I’m filled with dread. Jack’s tired already – we all are – and the hardest part hasn’t even started yet.

Please let these next eight weeks fly by.

Filed Under: Cancer, Cancer Mom Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

A Lot of Heart (sponsored)

May 1, 2012 By 2 Comments


This Mother’s Day, I’m working with Clever Girls Collective in support of Macy’s Heart of Haiti to shine a light on the “Trade, Not Aid” program, which provides sustainable income to Haitian artisans struggling to rebuild their lives and support their families after the 2010 earthquake. The program was launched by artist and social entrepreneur, Willa Shalit, The Clinton Bush Haiti Fund and Macy’s. Already, Heart of Haiti has led to employment of 750 artists in Haiti, providing financial benefits for an estimated 8,500 people in the country.

“You’re a cool mom.”

“Well, we’d been talking about it for a while and it’s better than taking him where there are a ton of people all crowded in and…”

“YOU’RE A COOL MOM, admit it!”

“Um. Okay, thank you. I try!”

This is the conversation I had with the nurse at the cancer clinic yesterday. I had recently taken Jack to Build-A-Bear and we came out with a cat dubbed Obi-Meow. I hadn’t intended to get clothing for the cat Jack wanted to make, but I couldn’t walk out of there without the Star Wars gear!

We went because the cat (Fluffy) Jack normally carries around seems to have had a tail incident. I could sew it back up, but it was a cheapy toy that I bought on clearance at the grocery store after Easter last year so a split tail is likely the beginning of the end…and anyway, we were looking for something fun to do together that wouldn’t wear Jack out completely.

So off we went. He absolutely wanted a cat no matter what and we quickly identified one. Jack made a wish on the heart (he wished they could be best friends always), we both kissed it, and then it was put it inside the cat before stuffing it. He then took it to the grooming station and brushed its fur. He can tell the story in detail and never forgets to mention the paw-shaped brush he used.

We tried Darth Vader clothes on the cat but they didn’t quite fit so we moved on to Jedi clothing. That was when we decided the cat should be named Obi-Meow. One of the employees found a light sabre for us, as well.

Jack takes Obi-Meow everywhere now. While heading out the door to the clinic yesterday, he said, “We can’t forget Obi-Meow! Remember when you said she’d want to go everywhere with me?”

Putting together and grooming his very own stuffed animal was special to Jack. He now has something he can take care of when everyone is busy taking care of him, and this has seemed to help his outlook. He’s been more cheerful lately and, while he won’t talk about his treatments or much else, he’ll tell all kinds of stories about Obi-Meow. Somehow that cat is reassuring to him.

Taking Jack to Build-a-Bear was an early Mother’s Day celebration for me. I didn’t get breakfast in bed or chocolate but I got to create a wonderful memory with my son. I saw him in a new light as he cared for his new friend, a friend that will sit with him through the upcoming challenges with his cancer treatment, a friend whose heart will remind him that his mom loves him.

That’s probably more cheesy than cool, but I’ll take it!

 

Heart of Haiti products are available online at Macy’s.com. Each item is a one-of-a-kind design and handmade by a Haitian master artisan from raw materials such as recycled oil drums, wrought iron, papier-mâché and stone. The collection features more than 40 home decor items including quilts, metalwork, ceramics, jewelry and paintings, and is made almost entirely from recycled and sustainable items such as old cement bags, cardboard, oil drums and local gommier wood.

Thank you to Macy’s Heart of Haiti for sponsoring my participation in this “Share Your Heart” promotion. I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective. All opinions expressed here are my own.

Filed Under: Cancer Mom, Gear, Holidays, Issues, Parenting 101, Shopping

Getting Lost With Ghosts

April 26, 2012 By 6 Comments

I wish I had better things to say. I wish I could say I’m doing a great job of handling everything that is going on right now. I do have good days and bad days – the bad days are taken over by anxiety attacks and depression, while my good days are still filled with weariness and worry. I’ve been burying myself in television and books to escape err, cope.

I haven’t been sleeping well. I look at the calendar several times each day to remind myself what day of the week it is. I forget to drink my coffee. Most nights I skip dinner. Last night I ate peanut butter cups.

My house is a disaster. And it smells. My cats ran out of food last night but I got home too late to get to the pet store for more. They are surely pissed off today. I need to fix the flat tire on my car, too. Oh, and go grocery shopping…

I took a day off last week sometime. I stayed in bed all day. I knew I had to move my car or risk getting a ticket. I went back to sleep instead. When I woke up, I peeked out the window and saw a ticket on my car, but I still couldn’t find it in myself to care. The idea of getting a second ticket didn’t even push me out the door…not until I realized David would be upset about it (we’d JUST talked about our expired parking permits a few days prior).

Things are a little better when Jack is with me. It gets me out of my head, I suppose. When he’s not here, I think about his treatment. It’s a few weeks until he starts the phase with eight different meds…it’s been a while since he’s spent time with kids his age…he needs to go to the dentist…we need to draw blood on XYZ days…I need to take a day off for his next treatment…when will he lose his hair…how will he handle it…is he doing too much activity…when will he end up back in the hospital…

It’s only been three months since his diagnosis – how long can I do this? I’ve been trying to think of ways to destress. Obviously this all has lit a fire under my PTSD. Usually when I’m stressed I take a trip, get away…but now I’m terrified to be away from Jack. Every time I try to make plans I just think about all the uncertainty ahead and how I’d rather just sit on the couch watching movies with him and snuggling under a blanket. I need to be here in case something happens.

I’m mad at myself for feeling this way. Jack’s been doing great. There have been no set-backs. Side-effects are few. In so many ways he is a normal kid. There will be an end to all of this. The end is three years away, though, and there will likely never be an end to my worry…

I need to keep going. There is so much that needs doing. I just need to stop getting lost in all of it and leave my ghosts behind.

Filed Under: Cancer Mom, Illness Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Where I’m Complainy

March 29, 2012 By 5 Comments

Jack is being a total pill lately. I’m not sure if he has been saving it all up for when things with his treatment weren’t so intense or what but it sucks! Sometimes it’s a matter of snapping at us or demanding that we not say certain things (tonight it was “googly eyes”). Other times he won’t pick up after himself and defaults to “my legs hurt.” It makes it difficult to tell when he is really not feeling well and when he is just trying to get out of something!

This is weird territory for us. I know many of the medical professionals we’ve seen have mentioned to me that discipline should still be in Jack’s life but, oy. Who has energy for discipline on top of all the cancer stuff? And how do I even tell if he’s just being a little jerk or really not feeling well? One minute he’ll dash into his room and the next he is crawling on his knees to the bathroom.

Lord knows I’m not at my best, either. Fatigue has more than caught up with me, it seems. I’ve taken more than my fair share of naps lately. Hopefully I will ‘catch up’ soon.

I have one more complaint before closing out this sorry post. :P It’s become much harder to share the CaringBridge site with Jack’s dad. Aside from it seeming that he has more and more been using the site as his personal blog instead of Jack’s, having that much insight into what goes on when Jack’s at his house is driving me bonkers. I worry constantly that Jack does too much over there and Jack’s recent attitude problems haven’t helped relieve that fear…especially since Jack has been spending more time there since he’s not in school and David is back at work. I have to keep reminding myself that I can’t entirely protect Jack from his dad’s shenanigans – I can only teach him how to speak up for himself – and becoming a stay-at-home mom is not the answer (although it sounds more appealing on the days when Jack isn’t being a jerk to me…).

Alright, there is my bitch session. Time to put the kiddo to bed!

Filed Under: Cancer Mom, Domesticating, Parenting 101 Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Doing What I’m Doing

March 28, 2012 By 3 Comments

There is so much going on. In fact, my therapist suggested I’m doing too much. To which I heartily answered YES! I would love to do less! Unfortunately I don’t have that option. Welcome to my life, sir.

David started his new job this past Monday. So far it’s going great (I think). We’re trying to get some sort of routine going and rearrange schedules with Jack going to his dad’s and our dog going to doggie daycare in the mornings and then hanging with me at work in the afternoons. That’s been interesting! I’m having a bit of a hard time adjusting to seeing Jack less and seeing the dog more. :P

Things have certainly heated up in the house hunt! Saturday morning a house popped out of escrow and back on the market. Since it was in the school district we wanted and the neighborhood we had already had our hearts set on, we were all over it (even if we had put an offer on another house a few days earlier). David went to the open house on Sunday and when he got home and told me about it (I had been out with my friend Beth getting a much-needed pedicure), I decided I had to see it ASAP. I couldn’t reach our real estate agent (she was in a meeting) so I called up the agent listed on the flyer David had brought home and made arrangements to see the house that evening.

When we drove up to the house, my eyes widened as I recognized a guy I work with playing with is kids in the front yard of the house next door. Of all the houses we’ve looked at (52 or so) in all of the Bay Area cities (7!), we pull up to look at a house next door to a dude I sit 10 feet from at work? Furthermore, he has two boys, aged 6 and 8 who wanted to show me their airplane right off the bat. I am so looking forward to Jack playing with these kids.

The house itself is great. It’s not flashy but it’s comfortable and more than meets our needs. There are things in it that we all can enjoy! I’m super excited about the indoor laundry room and the fact that it has air conditioning. I haven’t had air conditioning in over 10 years! David loves the view and the double oven. Jack will likely be a fan of all the kids his age on the street and the fact that he gets to ride his bike in the partially paved backyard.

We put in our offer immediately and by the next evening we found out we had a house. WOOHOO!

The inspection takes place this Saturday and we move in a month. I’ll get through this by remembering all the hell we’re avoiding by getting out of our current residence! And the much shorter trips to the hospital with Jack. And the extra room so that we can actually have family and friends visit. And and and…

Jack health has been good and for that we are thankful. He did start into his next mini-phase and that is affecting his mood quite a bit. He’s had some serious meltdowns lately. Mood swings aren’t a noted side effect of the two chemo drugs he is getting, so I’m thinking it has to be a combination of fatigue and body aches making him grumpy. Between weakness and achy bones, he’s crawled to different rooms of the house on more than one occasion. Our Case Manager said we may want to think about physical therapy. It should be interesting trying to fit that in!

I know I’m doing too much (I have the fatigue to prove it) but can’t seem to find a quiet moment these days. I need a pause button on my life…

Filed Under: Cancer Mom, Domesticating, Growing Up

Feeling Okay

March 8, 2012 By 3 Comments

We didn’t get the house we put an offer on. I’m not upset about losing that particular house – it was a good deal but we didn’t LOVE it. In fact, we’ve seen two better ones since. Unfortunately neither of those is in our grasp, either – we apparently like to pick popular houses. So the search continues…and searching for a house is NOT fun – especially when you see things that you fall in love with and cannot buy!

Other than the frustrating house hunt, things are going well. David actually got two job offers today, even while two other companies were waiting to interview him. Craziness! He’ll be signing the offer letter tomorrow. Woohoo! We are very excited over here!

Jack’s been in decent spirits and has been tolerating his medicines well. He only has 6 days left for one of the meds we give him and then we’ll only have to give him the antibiotic (he’ll go to the clinic for his other chemo treatments). Now if we could only get a break from dressing changes! Although, those seem to be less horrible each time (knock on wood). I hope it stays that way!

I hurt myself skiing last weekend. We went to Tahoe with some friends and stayed in their timeshare. It wasn’t until we were headed there that I realized it’s been ten years since I skied last. And unlike my trips in the past, I didn’t have a refresher training booked. I hoped it would all just come back to me and to some extent, it did. That didn’t happen before I exhausted myself, though. I took a three hour break, then decided to head out again and THAT is when I fell. I fell pretty fantastically, too. Skies, poles, glasses, goggles…everything went flying in a million different directions. I hit my head, my shoulder, and I don’t even know what else. I was dazed. I tried to rally because I was near the top of the run and I knew I had to get down so that I could be DONE, but when I got myself together and got up again, I fell again. I admitted defeat when an employee came by and asked if I needed a ride down the mountain in a snowmobile. The snowmobile was absolutely terrifying, too. Going downhill at a rapid speed without a seatbelt SUCKS. I never want to do that again! In any case, my neck is still recovering after the fall and it’s not so much fun.

That’s all I’ve got for now. I’m sure there will be more soon as my life never seems to slow down (and that’s not MY fault at all!). I’ll have a new project to unveil to y’all soon!

Filed Under: Cancer Mom, Domesticating

Stream of (barely) Consciousness

February 21, 2012 By 1 Comment

House craziness aside (because, let’s face it, it IS crazy that we are trying to buy a house right now) I’m super behind. I came home tonight determined to do laundry…but I haven’t started yet. I DID put some things in the laundry basket – including some items that we brought home from the hospital over a month ago. Like I said…behind. I won’t tell you about the sheets on our bed…

It’s not completely my fault. I mean, there’s the cancer to blame. And also the fact that our washing machine isn’t working properly. I could call our landlord, probably, but who has time for THAT? Also, have you MET our landlord? He’s as hands off as they come. The roof on our shed out back caved in long ago and we’re too afraid to go out there because of the mold, anyway. Oh and let’s not forget the (poorly patched [sorry, honey!]) hole in the ceiling of our kitchen nook…that must have happened 2 years ago now.

But I can’t just wait around, avoiding laundry until we move into our new house (right?). That’s at least a month away (if we get the house – right now I’m tearing through loads of paperwork looking for David’s tax return from 3 years ago…). I’ve been through all of my back-up clothing and Jack’s moved on from pants to shorts. I need to get my ass in gear. I need to use that washing machine regardless of the fact that the spin cycle doesn’t work!

Instead I am sitting here drinking a glass of wine and writing…

Wanna hear something weird? (No? Oh well!) David had pretty much stopped looking for work to focus on Jack and school. And then a recruiter found him and he had his third interview today. AND then we heard that Joe has an interview this week – after a year of unemployment. So now we’re in a weird position. We were looking at dual unemployment as somewhat of a blessing because no one had to take family leave and miss out on half their income. And, really, this should have been a fine plan because the economy still sucks and there haven’t been job bites in ages. But then jobs just popped up out of nowhere!

When will this feeling of living in backward land go away? What alternate reality am I in that my son has cancer, we’re able to buy a HOUSE in the Bay Area on one income, and jobs fall out of the sky?

I’m pretty sure we’re going to see a zombie apocalypse soon.

If not, I’m just gonna put it out there – I could really use a new washing machine.

Filed Under: Cancer Mom, Domesticating, Parenting 101 Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

That Day

February 13, 2012 By 6 Comments

‘Cause that day in my life…
That day in my life…
I dreamt tomorrow had a prettier face
I dreamt tomorrow would have better things to say
- Poe, “That Day”

Jack had been ill for a few days with odd and varied symptoms that would come and go. Many of the symptoms were flu-like; however, he did not have a cough or runny nose. He seemed less dexterous with his Legos and started getting really upset about it and other small things. Something seemed off with him. After keeping him home from school for a few days, I decided it was time to figure out what exactly was going on.

I called the advice nurse at Kaiser and after describing everything Jack was going through, she couldn’t say there WASN’T something going on…she thought it was best if I spoke to a pediatrician. Unfortunately Jack’s pediatrician was out of the office and all others were booked up. We were given a telephone appointment the following morning. When the doctor called, it was basically a repeat of what happened with the nurse – could be nothing, but could be something – better come in to be sure. I got a clinic appointment set up for that afternoon.

Meanwhile, Jack seemed better than he had been in days. By early afternoon I thought about canceling the doctor visit, but David encouraged me to go ahead and go since we already had the appointment and Jack’s symptoms had been so unpredictable. So off we went! I felt silly taking Jack in when he seemed mostly fine. He was probably just fighting off a cold! I was totally going to be dubbed one of “those” moms who takes their kid in for nothing! They would know how paranoid I am!

The exam went fine and the doctor basically said, hey, it’s not the flu. He’s probably just low on iron. Go get some liquid stuff from the drug store. He turned to leave the room and then looked back at Jack, considering…”Does he look pale to you?” And I said yes, definitely, and he has circles under his eyes. The doc then asked, “Well, do you want to do a blood test just to confirm the anemia? It will only take about 5 minutes.” Sure, I said. I didn’t want to have to come back in a few days if Jack still had this weird bug. I also didn’t want to have to buy vitamins if Jack didn’t need them.

Much to my surprise, Jack didn’t get a finger prick like I did when they tested my hematocrit during pregnancy. Instead, several vials of blood were taken in the Lab. I thought it was strange, but didn’t really question it. I didn’t know how things were done with kids, after all. Jack’s always been fairly healthy. (Btw, Jack was so traumatized by the blood draw! Yikes!)

Home we went, and I tried not to worry any more that night. The doctor had even told me I could send Jack to school the next day. Alrighty then.

The next morning the lab results were available online before I got out of bed. What I saw was the following:

 

Component Your result Standard range Units
Band’s %, manual count 1 0 – 5 %
Neutrophils %. Manual count 7 16 – 60 %
Lymphocytes % manual count 26 20 – 70 %
Monos %, man cnt 1 0 – 7 %
RBC’s, morphology NORMAL
Platelets,bld,ql, man ct DECREASE
WBC other/100 WBC, blood 65 < 0 - %

 

Component Your result Standard range Units
WBC COUNT 13.4 5.0 – 15.5 K/uL
Red blood cells count 3.78 4.00 – 5.20 M/uL
Hgb 10.1 11.5 – 13.5 g/dL
Hematocrit 30.6 34.0 – 40.0 %
MCV 81 75 – 87 fL
RDW, RBC 13.1 12.0 – 16.5 %
Platelets count 110 140 – 400 K/uL

Okay, so, hm…uh low neutrophils? What are neutrophils?

Decreased platelets? What the heck does that mean? And what the heck is WBC Other?? Does he have alien blood after all? He’s been trying to tell me all this time!

Well, maybe that is just what happens when someone has low iron or is fighting something off? His white blood cells are at the higher end. And what do red blood cells do again? That’s probably not good that those are low… Okay, lemme go look at the iron test…

Component Your result Standard range Units
Iron 97 50 – 120 ug/dL
Iron binding capacity, unsaturated 192 100 – 315 ug/dL
Total iron binding capacity 289 236 – 404 ug/dL
Transferrin % saturation 34 15 – 60 %

Well, then…his iron looks great! Yay!

But…uh…what does that mean for that other stuff then? What does it meeeaaaannnn???

So, I started googling. And I’m sure you could guess what kind of results I got – Dr. Google said it could be anything from a staph infection to Lupus OR CANCER. I shut my laptop and headed to the phone – I needed to talk to a doctor ASAP.

The doctor wasn’t in yet! To be safe, I decided to keep Jack home from school after all. I couldn’t decide about going to work but while I was deliberating, the doctor called me back. He told me that Jack was anemic, but not due to low iron. He wasn’t quite sure what was going on, so he had to call a specialist. He said he’d call me back.

Okay, well! No way was I going to work! I decided to work from home. Something was weird here! I sent a message off to my boss and then asked David if he’d be able to drive us to the hospital if necessary. He looked at me with a bit of alarm and said, yes, of course. I promptly took an ativan and waited for the doctor to call back.

I didn’t have to wait long, thankfully. The doctor told me that the specialist wanted to admit Jack for monitoring – probably overnight – so he needed to go to Oakland Pediatrics. That’s where the specialists were located. “And I’ll be watching Jack’s case and here’s my direct extension in case you have any more questions…good luck.”

Oh shit. Oh shit. This doesn’t happen! Doctors from big HMOs don’t give you their direct extensions! SHIT SHIT SHIT! Something is very wrong!

I hung up and buried my head in David’s chest to cry for a few minutes. What is wrong with my baby??

I then steeled myself to get Jack dressed and out the door without alarming him. I packed snacks and we headed out the door. We dropped our dog at doggie daycare along the way just to be safe – we had no idea how long we’d be over in Oakland – before heading out of San Francisco.

Upon our arrival at Kaiser in Oakland, two strange things happened. First, the admitting nurse commented, “Oh good! You have really GREAT coverage!” Uhhhh, okay. I’d never had anyone say anything like that before. Wasn’t it all the same? (Apparently not.)

The second thing was that the nurse printed out a special bright RED card with Jack’s medical information on it. I still have no idea what it means to get this red card (I never thought to ask) but I immediately thought that card was BAD NEWS.

Things are kind of a blur from there – stats, vitals, etc. were taken. A million doctors and nurses and interns I think everyone except us knew what was going on with Jack – they just didn’t want to tell us until it was 100% confirmed. They did say the his blood test had caused some alarm because it appeared he had some odd cells and that could mean either they screwed up the test or he might have leukemia. They wanted to redo the blood test.

At the end of that day, I was really hoping for Lyme Disease or Lupus (as Dr. House repeated in my head over and over, “It’s never Lupus.”). My friend Becky said she was on Team Mono (she’s always on Dr. House’s side!). Hell, that would be okay, too, though! Just please, not cancer. Please, something easier than that.

The next day, cancer (Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia) was confirmed.

Filed Under: Cancer, Cancer Mom, Illness

Cancer Sucks

February 10, 2012 By 7 Comments

We are waiting for blood test results to see whether or not Jack will start Phase 2 of his treatment on Monday. I got a notice in my email that his lab results were in but they haven’t posted his white blood cell counts yet, so I can’t see whether he is neutropenic or not. The waiting is hard!

We met with the oncologist yesterday (update on CaringBridge) to go over what Phase 2 of Jack’s Leukemia treatment entails. It was a LOT of information – 26 pages or so. To be handed a page FULL of side effects for each of 8 different medications…I wanted to throw up. One medication requires us to wear a mask and gloves while giving it to him. Another can cause heart damage and result in a lifelong restriction to lift no more than 50 lbs. Many of these disrupt learning ability (some temporarily, some long-term) and it sounded likely that special services at school will be needed for Jack later on…

And that’s when it hit me – why this is different from managing a chronic illness like diabetes. The medications Jack is getting to treat his disease are hurting him, as well. To treat the disease, we have to wreck  parts of his body and then give him more treatment to help with those things. It’s a fucked up cycle and every time I think about giving my child toxic chemicals, I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. It’s all wrong.

So today it’s hitting  me anew how much I HATE CANCER!

I think part of what got me through Phase 1 was knowing it was short and that Jack wouldn’t be losing a bunch of weight and hair. His hair has started to go a bit, but Phases 2 will likely take it all. His chubby cheeks will go, too.

I dread it. I can’t stop thinking about my dad and watching the weight melt off of him when he was sick. I imagine Joe is going through something similar, as his father (Jack’s namesake) died of Melanoma. It’s hard not to feel like it’s especially unfair that we have to watch our son go through a disease that attacks his immune system after what we went through with our fathers. It feels like we are cursed or something.

(Jack’s blood test results were just updated – if my calculations are right, his ANC Is 770 and he is all set for starting treatment Monday. Yay…)

We will get through this. We will, we will, we will. But it’s so hard to walk around and participate in daily life when my heart hurts so much.

***

Today I donated to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society to help my friend Beth reach her Team in Training Goal. Please help  me spread the word about this fundraiser. I’d love to see Leukemia wiped out.

Filed Under: Cancer, Cancer Mom Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,
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