Gestating Away

This pregnancy is a bit strange, if you ask me.

First of all, I forget about it sometimes. You wouldn’t think that was possible considering that I’m definitely showing and I’ve even felt the baby moving. And of course there is the nausea that hasn’t completely left me alone and also the fatigue. But still, I forget that I’m pregnant and that there will be a baby joining our family this fall.

I can’t quite believe that a baby will be joining our household this fall. It could be the stream of bad luck we’ve had over the past couple of years or my prior miscarriages or my attachment issues. I don’t know. But every time I go into the OB office and see the baby moving around on screen or hear the heartbeat, I am surprised. Really? It’s still there? This isn’t a recording?

See, within a month of discovering I was pregnant for the first time back in 2005, I found out that three others close to me were expecting, as well. As soon as I heard that, I KNEW that one of us would miscarry. It turned out two of us did. This time around I know at least six other pregnant women (and two others who just gave birth within the last month). So it’s probably not entirely strange for me to wonder if we’re all gonna make it out of this okay, right? Or maybe I’m just too morbid for my own good.

I only this week started to gain weight. I definitely look pregnant but due to nausea and getting sick with a sinus infection, I lost weight during the first trimester. As of a couple of days ago, I’d gained back some of the weight I lost and now I’m one whole pound over my pre-pregnancy weight. I’m sure things will escalate quickly from here!

So far I’ve craved cheesy potatoes, fruit smoothies, and salads. Kinda weird – especially the salad thing! I’ve had aversions to most beef (ground beef/hamburgers, of all things, excepted) and have actually preferred chicken (which, pre-pregnancy, would have always been the last thing I preferred due to it’s bland flavor). I haven’t been very good about avoiding the things I am supposed to avoid. I was so good about all of that during my first pregnancy and now I’m just like, meh, it’ll work out. I think Jack has worn out the part of my brain that worries about things that are unlikely to happen.

I feel so much crankier these days, which I don’t remember from my pregnancy with Jack. I have a lot less patience for people and animals. Unfortunately this includes Jack (HOW many times do I need to tell him not to throw himself at me and to keep his knees away from my belly?!), but the upside is that David and Jack are spending more time together and it seems to be really good for both of them. Plus, Jack is not relying on me quite so heavily, which is quite a relief. Sometimes he’ll even go and read a book instead of asking me to entertain him!

Overall being pregnant has been harder than it was eight years ago but it seems to be going by fairly quickly. I’ll be 16 weeks tomorrow! I’m surprised that at this point I’m dealing with things like restless leg syndrome when I lay down and general hip discomfort. The heartburn seems to have started early and I’m still taking frequent trips to the bathroom, which I thought would have let up by now. I’ve heard from a LOT of people that subsequent pregnancies are harder and it’s also more difficult the older you are.

That’s just not cool, man.

We’re going in for the anatomy scan on April 9 and then we should find out the gender. Hopefully then I can feel more comfortable nailing down a name – so far, even though we have two clear front runners, I still keep going through lists and throwing out ideas. To which David sighs and says, “I thought we had names. Are those out now?” Ack, I just don’t knoooow!

Making decisions is hard, yo.

So that’s the latest. I’m sure this is boring for a lot of you but I figured I should document it somehow. Hopefully I’ll get back to writing more and sleeping less now that I’m in the second trimester.

Somewhat Calmer Days

I’m in the second trimester of my pregnancy (at least, I am according to one of the apps on my phone) and things have mellowed out some. Not a lot, but enough that I’m not waking up at 5am having panic attacks and worrying about my ability to parent a second child effectively. Instead I’m waking up at 5am and trying to soothe Jack back to sleep because he’s had a nightmare or three. Or I’m contemplating murdering one of my cats – either the one that likes to scratch every wooden surface in the house or the one that lets out loud, melancholy yowls when he can see the bottom of his food dish.

Pregnancy has made me much less tolerant of my animals’ antics. David has had to tell me to stop trying to give away our pets. And I said fine, but I can’t be held accountable if one (or all) of them doesn’t make it to the end of this pregnancy.

Hormones – they are raging in full force!

Aside from Jack’s nightmares, things with Jack have been a little more manageable as of late. He is enjoying his new adapted PE class, which means, for the first time EVER, he is enjoying physical education at school. We’re being much more lax on homework and watching the clock so that he doesn’t work on homework longer than 20 minutes each night. This helps us all feel less stressed! We bought him a new memory foam mattress and it seems like it’s helping him get out of bed in the morning without the aches and pains (and it’s good for me because my arms were falling asleep when I would lay down with him on his old mattress).

Jack’s been attending therapy for about four weeks now, as well, which started when he began showing signs of depression. He loves going to therapy, which is play-based. He gets to talk about whatever he wants and he’s assured that it’s all private (unless, of course, there is talk of hurting himself or others). He’s had fewer angry outbursts and seems to be more talkative about other things now. Next we’ll have to see if we can do something about those nightmares.

David and I are going in this Friday for our next prenatal appointment and we’re supposed to have another ultrasound done. I’ll be 14 weeks exactly, and the ultrasound tech I spoke with last time I was in said she can usually tell the gender at that time. My fingers are crossed that we’ll be able to find out – baby names are driving me crazy and I hope that knowing the gender will help bring some clarity in that arena. David and I aren’t finding it easy to agree on names – he likes classic American/English names and I generally prefer things that aren’t in the top 100…not to mention that quite a few people I know have either had babies recently or are giving birth this year and some of the names on our list are also being considered by friends.

“You know too many people,” David says.

Jack thinks the baby will be a boy, although the only name suggestion he has offered is for a girl – Ruby. I was impressed by his suggestion, and also a little surprised because he usually names things according to the color they are. Although, now that I think of it, perhaps he is taking inspiration from my own gemstone-inspired name. Huh. (That’s how names get taken off the list sometimes – a thought occurs to one of us like “oh that starts a theme” or “but that reminds me of that crazy person” or “too many celebrity babies have that name.”)

Naming babies is hard…

Anyway, that’s the latest and greatest in our household. And, yeah, feel free to throw some names at us if you think of anything!

Getting My Ass Kicked

I’m completely sapped of energy.

I’m nauseous.

I’m dizzy.

I can’t breathe.

I’m having heart palpitations.

My brain is totally on the fritz.

After two years of slogging through Jack’s cancer treatment and enduring an exhaustion that I had thought could never be matched, let alone surpassed, I’m being brought to my knees by a fetus.

Yup, I’m pregnant. And thus far, it’s a pretty brutal pregnancy. The mere act of sweeping up leftover pine needles from our Christmas tree nearly caused me to pass out recently.

What.the.fuck!

I don’t know why it’s different this time around. Perhaps it’s due to my age – it’s been over eight years since I was this pregnant with Jack. Maybe it’s genetics – David is cantankerous and maybe his baby is, too! It could be that I have a lot on my plate already, and caring for Jack while trying to cope with pregnancy symptoms is dealing me an extra walloping. Maybe it’s all of those things combined.

In any case, I didn’t expect pregnancy to be so rough on me. I miscalculated. I wasn’t sick at all while pregnant with Jack – just hungry all the time and a little extra sleepy. My sister’s pregnancies with my niece and nephew were pretty easier on her, as well, so I figured I’d be the same. Alas, no.

When does my life ever go as planned?

Along the same vein – we had planned on waiting to tell Jack until I reached the second trimester but that plan went out the window when he broke out in tears one morning because he felt alone and ignored. I apologize profusely and told him that I was working on building a baby and it’s taking a lot out of me. His whole demeanor changed immediately. He found it a little strange to think of me as pregnant, but he also seemed to understand (probably from going through this with his step-mom) that this baby business is hard work. Since then he’s been rubbing my belly daily and telling me that we’re going to need a lot of stuff “if this baby thing works out.” He has also warned me that sometimes babies are annoying – they smack their lips while eating, for instance.

Jack is amazing. I couldn’t ask for a better sibling for this baby.

David, too, is amazing. He is doing EVERYTHING while I am tucked away in our bed. I have felt horribly guilty the whole time and he’s just like, pshaw, go back to bed and let me take care of my baby mama.

So, if the copious pregnancy symptoms are any indication and this baby thing does, indeed, work out, our new addition is expected August 29th.

Fingers crossed that the whole feeling like death thing doesn’t go on for the next seven months. In the mean time, I’ll be sucking down ginger ale, chewing on ginger candy, and stuffing my face with saltines. Maybe I’ll get to keep my girlish figure longer!