Letting Go

August 11, 2011 By 2 Comments

Today is Jack’s last day in daycare.  He’s been with G for over two years (a miracle when you think back to all the daycare dramas early on in his life) and made some awesome little friends there.  G’s house is basically Jack’s third house – there were many weeks there where he spent just as much time there as he did at my house or his dad’s.  G feeds him and teaches him and celebrates his victories and birthdays.  Jack was potty trained there before he was at home!

In the last 2+ years, G has taken only ONE unscheduled day off – for Jury Duty.  One day, you guys!  She is simply amazing.

I’m having a hard time walking away from this lady.  She is one of the most reliable, dependable, trustworthy, and caring people I have ever known – it has been a BLESSING to be able to put Jack in her care.

I don’t think it’s hit Jack yet.  He knows today is his last day and that he’ll have a goodbye party, but all he could say was that he was hoping for presents.  :P   We tried to tell him this isn’t the kind of thing you get presents for.  In any case, he starts school Monday and I’m guessing somewhere in that week he’ll really start to miss G.  I know I will!

I had a difficult time coming up with a gift that conveyed how much we love G.  What we ended up with was this poem made into an artful poster by Etsy artist MySoulShines and matted/framed:

They Will Remember

by Eileen Koscho

I take care of your children.
I love them.
I teach them.
I clean them, and I feed them.
And when nighttime comes,
my heart worries about them
I take care of your children.
I see their first steps.
I hear their first words.
I share their happiness, and
I feel their hurts.
I take care of your children,
as if they were my own.
And when they are grown, and
no longer need me,
My love will be a part of them
deep within the heart of them.
They will know that I was there for them unconditionally.
And they will remember!

 

This morning it occurred to me that I should have had a coffee mug or something made with Jack’s artwork to give to her.  Dang it!  Maybe I’ll ship that to her…

Here is a picture of G with Jack on his birthday (she is so cool – she got him the alien space ship Legos):

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Luck, Leprechauns, and Little White Lies

March 17, 2011 By 3 Comments

Leprechaun with rainbow

Image via Wikipedia

Jack didn’t want to leave the house to go to daycare today.  He was whining and moaning about how much he HATES getting dressed and how it’s “stubborn” that he has to go to daycare.  I then came up with the brilliant plan of telling him it’s a SPECIAL! DAY!  He perked up and asked what I was talking about.  I explained that it’s St. Patrick’s Day and some people believe that it’s a good day to catch leprechauns.  He had no idea what the heck a leprechaun is, of course.  I explained that they are little people from Ireland who hide a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  I showed him pictures on the internet, which he loved.  He asked me if leprechauns were for real life and I said I didn’t know and there are definitely some people who do not believe they are real.

I figured he would like this whole idea but I underestimated his enthusiasm.  He wanted to hear all about it so I let him know he should wear green today so he could be extra lucky and maybe catch a “tricky leprechaun.”  They hide and you have to be on the look out, you know!  In fact, I’ve never even see one because they are so sneaky!  Well, he filled in the rest.  These little suckers apparently wear green as camouflage so that it’s difficult to see them when they hide in bushes and trees.  And “no one knows if they are going to be on top of the tree or behind the tree!”

Jack picked out a green monster shirt to wear.  His theory: “Maybe I can scare the leprechaun with this monster shirt and he will run away and leave his gold for me to take!”  Very clever, I thought.  He also came up with the idea of putting traps at the end of the rainbow.  “Well, mom, you just don’t know which end of the rainbow he’ll be at!”

It was so hard not to crack up while he was telling me all kinds of new things about leprechauns even though he hadn’t heard of them before today.  We saw a neighbor’s nanny as we were walking to the car and Jack told her all about the special day and how he was going to catch one of those leprechauns!  He made sure his friends at daycare were wearing green.  I suggested he work together with his little friends and maybe they could find a leprechaun.

I then told him good luck and left for work.

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A little bit of discipline in my life

February 10, 2011 By 1 Comment

There is a part of me that really misses those earlier days of parenthood when all I had to worry about was keeping my baby alive and myself sane.  It didn’t seem like such an easy task at the time but at least it was fairly simple.  Now it’s not enough to keep the kid alive – I need to teach him stuff, too, and he is not quite as open to learning as he was as a little chubby, spongy baby.

Jack has been testing limits all over the place.  When he is asked to do something, he says “Mooom, I WILL – in 5 minutes.”  When that 5 minutes is up, he needs another 5, etc.  It’s not enough to give him choices or bribe him – he thinks even if he takes an hour to get dressed, he is still entitled to a reward.  And whenever he eventually does get around to doing what he is supposed to, he doesn’t want any adults watching him.  It’s like he is saying, “I can behave, but I refuse to do it for your benefit!”  Then there are the times when I tell him I need to take something away from him until he complies, he often responds with, “You can’t do that!”  It takes a lot of self control to not engage in an argument about what I certainly CAN do as his mother!

He’s been increasingly vocal about disliking going to daycare, as well – a place he has loved for nearly two years.  He claims he doesn’t like it there, that he doesn’t like the provider, that he doesn’t like learning or painting…nevermind that he is the last one to put his painting supplies away and many days when we pick him up he doesn’t want to leave.

Last week he started pushing some of the smaller kids in daycare (apparently because he doesn’t want them to touch his toys), and he has gotten into a “fight” with another boy his age.  Suddenly I am needing to discipline my kid!  We had a talk about appropriate behavior and I took away one of his favorite shows (Ben 10) until he could show me that he could behave at daycare.  There have been some major crying fits over this and that has been very hard for me.  My instinct to make him STOP CRYING is insanely strong and it kills me to hear him upset (and I now TOTALLY understand why some moms say “your dad will deal with you when he gets home!”).  I held my ground, though, and finally yesterday he got himself in gear.  He got to watch his show last night and this morning he asked if he could watch it again if he had another good day.  I said yes and then we talked about alternatives to pushing when the younger kids try to grab for his toys.  So…fingers crossed.

I’m not entirely sure what is driving Jack’s recent behavior (maybe it’s just a 4 year old thing) but theories include the testosterone surge that supposedly happens in 4 year old boys and the possibility that daycare isn’t challenging him properly anymore.  No matter what the case, we’re thinking it’s a good idea to channel this energy into something productive and maybe more physical like a tumbling class or peewee sports, where he can learn better impulse control.  His dad will be taking him an extra day a week soon and there are a lot of community resources for this type of thing in his area, so he’ll try some things out soon.

This is a weird place for me to be in.  I’m a real grown up now.  I’m that person saying, “You need to listen to me because I’m your mom and it’s my job to teach you about life!”  This more than anything makes me feel old.

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Family Finance Management

February 7, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Credit cards
Image via Wikipedia

Thank you to TurboTax for sponsoring my writing about household finances. Learn more about how TurboTax can help you find every tax deduction you deserve. I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective, which endorses Blog With Integrity, as I do.

I’m a tad obsessed with managing my finances. I’m not sure if this just has to do with my practical nature or if it comes out of growing up super poor. My mother taught me early how to write checks and balance a checkbook, and I’ve grown into a career as an administrative assistant in the Finance field. Money is kind of my thing.

I spend time almost every day looking at my bank account online or balancing my checkbook. I’ve used a combination of spreadsheets and various software programs to help me figure out my budget and monitor my accounts. I am at the moment stranded without a program that has cash flow projection capability (an absolute MUST for me because I pretty much live paycheck to paycheck) that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. I would love a recommendation that fits with my style.

In managing my family’s finances, I focus on the following:

* I rely heavily on cash flow projection to plan out when I will pay my bills throughout the month so that I don’t get into a situation where an unexpected expense pops up and I have no money in my account. This is important because I have very little in savings. I also schedule my bills to be paid automatically through my bank on the appointed dates.

* I budget everything, including groceries and leisure activities. I check each item off my list once the money has been spent. If there is money left over after bills and other living expenses are paid for, the rest will be sent to my credit card if there is a balance or to savings if not.

* I take advantage of tax savings through my employer. That includes a flexible spending account for my health care needs, the money for which is deducted before taxes are removed from my paycheck (which essentially lowers my income down into a lower tax bracket).

* Because I know I have no self restraint when it comes to keeping money in a savings account, I make sure I have higher-than-necessary amounts of taxes taken out of my checks so that I get a refund every year. I use that money to pay off any debt I might have. I know that some people prefer to open a savings account that is not easy to get to but that doesn’t work for me. I don’t forget about money or ever find misplaced money in my pockets. I know where every penny is in my house and purse at all times.

* I never carry cash. It’s much too easy to buy something with cash, especially frivolous things like snacks from vending machines or fast food. I have to think about it more if I’m going to use my bank card and consider how much is left in my account.

Those are all key things for me to “stay in the black.” My husband thinks I spend too much time on it all but he hasn’t yet offered to manage our finances so…he lives with it and me. :)

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Limbo

February 2, 2011 By Leave a Comment

A couple of weeks ago I was able to get Jack’s elementary school application submitted to the San Francisco Unified School District.  Now we wait until March when we hear which of the 10 schools we asked for will be assigned to us.  I admit that I’m experiencing an array of emotions during this process.

I tried to lower my general anxiety over San Francisco’s lottery system by not touring any of the schools.  I know that might sound a little odd, so let me explain my reasoning.  For one, even with the improvements made to the lottery system for this academic year, Jack may not be assigned to any of the schools we requested.  Why tour schools and pick favorites when chances are good that he won’t even attend those schools?  That is just asking for disappointment.

In addition to that, the reality is that we need a school that is fairly close to either our home or my employer.  My workday isn’t flexible and I will likely be the one doing drop-off and pick-up (at least, that’s how things are now with daycare).  I don’t have the ability to drive across town to a better school than the ones that are close.

There there is the fact that this is just Kindergarten and there is a high likelihood that we will move before he goes to 1st grade anyway…but if we do happen to still be in this area when that time comes, all the schools within a mile or so of our house are pretty equal according to my research.

So for the most part I have managed to avoid much of the anxiety that I think a lot of parents experience during this process (one mom behind me in line when I went to submit the application had a worry stone that a friend had loaned her for good luck).  I AM a bit anxious but that has more to do with my own worries about how Jack’s school experience will go – that is more related to other kids than the school itself.  Putting my kid in school is forcing me to face all of my school-related issues.

I am also unsure what is going to happen with Jack after the school days are over, as so far the after-school programs I’ve found in our neighborhood aren’t open to kindergartners.  What kind of craziness is that?  I *know* that other parents of 5 year olds work so what gives, San Francisco?  Or, more specifically, Richmond District?  We live in one of the more affordable parts of the city – not everyone has a nanny – so you’d think these things would be ironed out.  Apparently they do not, though, and there is not much I can do about it until I know where Jack will be going to school.

In the mean time, we’re in limbo.  SFUSD limbo.  This is not my favorite thing.

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A little step

November 15, 2010 By Leave a Comment

I did it.  I filled out the application for Jack to attend elementary school in Fall 2011.  I’ll swing by the SFUSD this week to turn it in and verify my identity and address.  After that we’ll get to sit back and wait to see whether Jack gets into any of the 10 requested schools.  We won’t know until March or so.  Jack will get a bit of sway when it comes to our #2 school because of where we live but since he has no siblings, is white, and speaks only English he is much further down on the list of students with priority.  With that said, we live in an area where half of our neighbors probably send their kids to private school and there is a huge portion that are not white, so Jack might just be the minority.  I really don’t know but we will find out.

In the mean time I am fighting to get Jack to daycare in the mornings.  He is increasingly resistant to going.  Today in particular he was not interested in going to daycare or going to his dad’s house afterward.  He said, “I just feel like staying home with you forever.”  I told him I know how he feels, that I don’t like going to work and would love to stay home, too.  In fact, I had nightmares about going to work last night!  Of course now he is going around saying he is having nightmares about going to daycare…oops.

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Truthiness Day 15: I want money

October 21, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

This may sound shallow, but I’m going with money.  Let me explain…

It’s not that I want a lot of things or like to shop a ton (I do like a good deal but that is not the same as liking shopping).  I grew up poor, some years at the poverty level.  We got those blocks of government cheese.  We had boxes of powdered milk that we used when we ran out of the regular stuff in between paydays.  My grandmother mixed water with the “cream of” soups…

None of that stuff is that bad, though.  I mean, I didn’t really care at the time although I was much less excited about food back then.  The thing is that because of my family’s circumstances, we were left vulnerable to bad situations.  Examples include:

  • We lived in an area where housing was cheap, so I went to a school that was in disrepair – they constantly had issues with asbestos-filled ceilings caving in…I went to a school in which race riots occurred.  My vice-principal was fired for sexually harassing a student.  A student was murdered by the janitor.
  • I didn’t see a dentist until I was at least 8.  By the time I was 12 I had two crowns because 70% of those two molars were cavities.
  • My mom couldn’t afford daycare, so she relied on my grandmother because her care was a fraction of the cost.  You can read about my grandmother if you go back to Day 8.
  • To make ends meet and pay the mortgage, we had various unsavory people living in our house at various times.  This included my mom’s abusive boyfriend, her drug addict cousin, and some friends who couldn’t afford their own place.  Due to the combination of these people in our house all at the same time, we had at least one occurrence of fist fights in our living room which resulted in holes in the wall and a near smashing of my siblings.

I don’t believe that the lack of money caused any of this, but I know it put my mom in situations where she had to accept circumstances out of necessity that she might not have otherwise in order to keep a roof over our heads.

When Joe and I moved to Humboldt for him to go to school, we had trouble finding work.  When we finally did, it didn’t pay well at all.  Not to mention that Joe worked seasonally.  When we had Jack, we qualified for subsidized childcare.  That was nice, except it was hell trying to find a decent provider (my long time readers will remember all the crap we dealt with in seeking good and reliable childcare back then!).  We also wracked up quite a bit of debt (even while eating a diet of macaroni & cheese with canned chicken mixed in).  We took out minimal school loans because even once Joe’s degree was acquired, there was no guarantee that he would get a job (in fact, his advisor told him he would likely  NOT get hired any time soon – and he still works seasonally to this day).  Those years in Humboldt were some of the most stressful of my adult life.  Again, the lack of money didn’t cause it but we did get stuck for a while there and it sucked big time.

I could physically live without money but mentally?  I have way too much trauma associated with being poor as shit.

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An Object in Motion

July 28, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Did you know that July is almost over?  Next week is August!  AUGUST!  I am not even sure where this year went.  I’m fairly sure, though, that the next 5.5 weeks are going to disappear along with the rest of the year…so, because I am insanely busy, you get bullet points.

  • Jack is taking another trip with his dad so I won’t see him until next week.  I am honestly too harried to dwell on missing him right now, which is kind of a blessing?  Still, I wish I could hug him and snuggle with him every day. He is even more amazing every day!
  • Way back before I had a kid, I used to be a Stampin’ Up! demonstrator.  To get back some of my creative time and be more social now that Jack is getting more independent, I decided to see what the company is all about now.  I received a postcard from them telling me about an incredible deal that would allow me to sign up to be a demonstrator again at a very small price just a few weeks after I started thinking about it…so, I am back at it, albeit with a slow ramp-up period (I’m doing very little except networking until after my wedding).  While I’m not doing workshops right now, I can take orders through my website so I’m not completely stagnant.  Come October I’m going to rock it again!
  • Next week I’m going to BlogHer!  I’ve gone back and forth on whether I should really go but obviously I haven’t decided not to go…I am way too excited about the content and the people I will get to meet!  Plus, it’s New York!!!  (By the way, I’m looking for a rideshare from JFK to the Hilton on Wednesday around 5:30…let me know if you’re around.)
  • Our wedding is in 5.5 weeks!  We have most everything in place and yet it feels like it will never come together.  There is still so much to do and so many things going on in the mean time!  I am keeping my mind set on the honeymoon and trying not to worry about getting everything done in time.  I know both David and I are in desperate need of a real vacation.  Hopefully relaxation and sleep will come with it.  I feel like I could sleep for a year right about now.
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Half-asleep mumblings

June 2, 2010 By 2 Comments

Poor Jack has a cold for the first time in a while.  He doesn’t have a fever but he is visibly exhausted, snotty, and quite hacky.  Last night he woke up twice bawling.  I *think* he hit his head when tossing and turning but it’s hard to say because he was pretty out of it (now I know what David deals with when I try to talk to him while half asleep).  After getting him to bed the second time, I had trouble falling back to sleep and kept thinking I heard him crying.  I’m tired today.

It astounds me that I dealt with regular night waking for almost two years straight when Jack was a baby while holding down a crazy-busy full time job and getting absolutely no down time.  How did I do that?  How does anyone do that?  After being so unused to it now, I feel like a complete zombie today.  It’s a miracle that I can type!

Thank goodness we’re in an easier phase overall!  It’s days like today that remind me why I haven’t had a second child yet.  The easier things get with Jack, the harder it gets to go in the second child direction…

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Parenting Bliss

May 18, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Jack has been so easy lately.  I can’t express how awesome it is to engage in lazy parenting.  In the mornings he gets up out of bed by himself, drags a step stool over to turn on the bathroom light, uses the toilet and washes his hands without prompting.  This all happens whilei David and I are still trying to catch sleep in our warm beds.  After Jack is done he gives us our morning wake up call so that he can acquire breakfast and watch Super Why! I toss out some clothes for him and he dresses himself, socks and all.  This saves me so much time in the mornings!

Jack has also been buckling himself into his carseat (with just a little help from me) and routines are pretty smooth these days.  He uses the potty, brushes his teeth, and picks out books – all without help – in preparation for bed.  He never asks for a fourth book and last night when I offered one to him, he refused!  I snuggle for a couple of minutes and shower him with kisses until he dissolves into giggles before saying goodnight.  He did get up to use the bathroom again last night, but went back to bed without a word after he was done.  I was impressed!

I know this won’t last, but I will enjoy it while it does.  This is exactly why I don’t have a second child yet!!!

By the way, go check out my article about the holy grail of carseats at savings.com.

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