It’s A Bittersweet Summer

Jack has been out of school for over two weeks now. I officially have a 2nd grader! (gulp)

Since school is out, our shared custody schedule has switched. Jack is at my house on most weekends and at his dad’s during the week. And with this change – for the first time since he was diagnosed with Leukemia in January 2012 – I’ve completed a full month of work with no sick days! And I’ve already managed to get the rest of the year plotted out for work – I’m ahead on everything there.

Not surprisingly, my stress level has gone down over the last couple of weeks. David and I are carpooling, which has cut my commute time in half! I’m not doing the whole rigamarole on Sundays of dosing out five billion pills for the week ahead. Instead of trying to wrangle Jack AND time in the mornings and at night five days a week, it’s down to two. And the time Jack and I spend together on weekends is all quality since we don’t have to worry about work or school the next day. It’s pretty goddamned glorious!

It’s all bittersweet, though. I’ve never spent such short jags of time with my kid before. It’s really hard to let him go back to his dad’s on Sundays. I cried last week for the first time in a while because two days with him wasn’t enough. I miss him and I don’t know what to do with myself.

I expected my house to get cleaner with all of this extra time but so far that hasn’t quite been the case. (Although, I have to say, my dining room table has stayed less cluttered and I’ve actually had time to put the laundry away!) Instead I’ve been spending more quality time with my husband, resting, getting caught up on my shows, experimenting with mandalas and zentangling, and hanging out with friends more.

I’m mostly loving it. It doesn’t feel complete without Jack but I will have him back with me 80% of the time by the end of August and then I’m sure I’ll be dreaming of next summer. ‘Cause the grass is always greener, right?