Inside the Actor’s Studio with Ewokmama

Yes, I’m using a prompt for this NaBloPoMo post. Don’t worry – I wrote it on the right day. 🙂 (I’m in Spain right now and that’s just how it’s got to be!)

  1. What is your favorite word?  Adore (back when I was too nervous to say that I loved David, I told him I adored him)
  2. What is your least favorite word? Irregardless (it’s actually a word, but it totally shouldn’t be!)
  3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Humor. There is nothing like laughter to get me in the mood for just about anything.
  4. What turns you off?  When someone tries to tell me what I “really” think/mean/should do.
  5. What is your favorite curse word? I know this isn’t very original, but I do love the work fuck. I used to ride my bike down the street as a child shouting it into the wind. It’s very versatile, and even better when combined with a string of other swear words.
  6. What sound or noise do you love? Raindrops on the forest floor (which is funny because I don’t even like the outdoors).
  7. What sound or noise do you hate? An alarm clock buzzer, especially when used in a commercial!!
  8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Maybe acting, which isn’t a far stretch from being an administrative assistant, honestly…but maybe I’d have more interesting things to wear and other people to do my makeup and hair.
  9. What profession would you not like to do?  Cleaning. OMG do I hate cleaning! I could not make it as a janitor.
  10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Oh…yeah, sorry about that. Here’s an endless supply of mojitos for your afterlife.

Choice Quotes From Jack

Some of my favorite quotes from Jack’s twitter account.

(Holding up Yogurt Drops and Wheat Things) “I feel up for a little fusion.”

Those are old school cool! They’ve been around since I was like 1 or 2.

Why is it so peaceful here? I want to be a hero but there’s no chance here!

In the sense that I have all the parts I need, I’m complete. But in the sense that I’m still growing to be a grown up, I’m not complete.

The bad thing about getting older is that things get harder.

Sometimes I eat more sophisticated chicken.

I feel like chicken filled with whipped cream instead of muscles.

You know why I’m like this – it’s because of the droids! (Just wrapped up a week of steROIDS.)

Being all amazing and things is not hard at all for me.

Maybe in the future, maybe in 20 years, we can learn to make magic happen.

I have three parts: good parts, bad parts, and dragon parts.

You can’t touch time. But a clock can!

Milk glues bones together in a tasty way.

Twist Me Up And Wring Me Out

It’s only Tuesday? I thought as I stared at the pill organizer. How is that possible?

The anxiety in my chest grew. But that’s what day the organizer told me it was. The next dose of medication was right there. My phone agreed that it was Tuesday, as well. I shook my head and sighed.

I can’t wait until Friday.

Yesterday had involved an insulting call from the social worker at the clinic: “Um….hiiiiii. How are you today? How’s Jack? Um, I’m calling because Gina (the child life specialist) and I thought we should sit down and talk with you on Monday about…umm…Jack’s…school isssssuuuuues.”

My reply was something like, “Right, well, I know Gina thinks it’s school avoidance but I really don’t think that’s the case. Jack is very upset with himself when he can’t make it to school. And this isn’t new – it’s been going on since treatment started – it’s just that we thought it was normal due to the intense treatment. He was missing school then anyway. But treatment is less intense now and he still has these problems and he’s supposed to be able to go to school. In any case, I won’t be there on Monday – his dad is bringing him into the clinic. You can talk to him if you’d like.”

“Oh, well, okaaaay. Well, it’s you we’d like to talk to. So, um…alright. We won’t do that then.”

And then she (absolutely the least helpful professional I’ve ever met) droned on and on. She said some stuff about how special and smart and sensitive Jack is and at some point I just tuned her out. Sure, she WANTS to help…but she is completely inept. I could hear her grasping for the proper words to use when talking about Jack’s ‘issues.’ It was painfully obvious that she was stepping lightly. She was in parenting territory, something that she’s proven before that she knows nothing about, and I hadn’t even asked for her help.

Lady, turn back now. You don’t belong here.

A couple of hours later, I chatted with our nurse case manager about Jack’s lab results. They were good enough that he could the next day’s dental appointment, but the acidosis hadn’t improved at all over the weekend, so they instructed us to increase the sodium bicarbonate from two pills a day to four. And let me know that chemo can’t be taken at the same time as bicarb or anything else…which I hadn’t realized before.

Oops. I’d been screwing up the pill administration for…oh, almost two years now. Great.

Later that evening I took my 13-year-old cat to the vet and walked out of there $120 poorer and with no definite answers. ‘Cause that’s how I like to party.

So today, as I stared at the pill organizer and the bottle of antibiotics sitting next to it, I shook my head and sighed. Really, how could it only be Tuesday?

I gave Jack four horse-sized antibiotic pills. He actually chewed them all up without incident.

I was more than surprised.

I asked Jack to pick out his own DVD to watch at the dentist office (of course he chose Dr. Who) and off we went. It would be okay…I hoped.

The appointment went well, all things considered. He certainly yowled less than he did at his last appointment. His teeth got cleaned and x-rays were taken and that’s what matters, right? Not the stand-offish dental hygienist who clearly thought that the fact that he wouldn’t sit still was a discipline issue. Not the tears all over my kid’s face from being essentially trapped while he was poked and prodded in a sensitive place.

[Take a 7-year-old who isn’t a great brusher, add a blood disease and suppressed immune system that makes it dangerous to floss, and what do you get? An uncooperative dental patient.]

Halfway through the appointment, Jack complained of chest pain while laying in the tilted-down chair and it only got worse. We went to the store to grab some tums (I’m not organized enough to carry them with me wherever I go yet) and sit for a bit while I had a warm beverage to calm my rankled nerves. I had to carry Jack through the store and he slumped in his chair when we sat down. After half an hour, the tums still hadn’t helped.

So we followed up that dental appointment with a trip to the ER, where Jack got an EKG and a chest x-ray per his oncologist’s orders. They gave him Maalox and, after a while, his pain had gone from a 5 to a 1. They sent us home.

This morning in between staring at the pill organizer with consternation, giving Jack five spoonfuls of pills in nutella, and attempting to get us both out the door and emotionally prepared for the dentist, I’d forgotten to administer Zantac. I’d given him four antibiotic pills, two sodium bicarbonate pills, and one Diamox pill…but forgot the antacid, which is a liquid.

Ugh.

I bet tomorrow I’ll stare at that pill organizer and shake my head all over again.

***

Short and Sweet

It was a really hard day today.

But I have amazing friends and family.

Thank you, friends and family, for getting me through this.

Too Many Things

Yesterday involved a lot of things. Too many things, which ended up overwhelming me.

These things included:

  • Cleaning up the bloody nose Jack had when he awoke. And then worrying if this was a sign of low platelets (it wasn’t).
  • Drawing blood to determine ANC (not related to the bloody nose) and running the vials to the lab.
  • Getting Jack out the door on time to make it to school (put your shoes on, take your meds, brush your teeth, do you need a jacket, don’t forget your backpack). It was dicey for a bit because he couldn’t put two words together and walked around like a drunk man.
  • Calling the vet to make an appointment for my cat who has a skin issue that just won’t go away, likely due to a thyroid problem.
  • Trying to remove the nail polish from Halloween and being left with blue-stained nails.
  • Calling the Department of Child Support Services to determine the status of my account, which has seen no activity since July. Apparently the DCSS has requested that the DMV suspend Jack’s dad’s driver’s license.
  • Notifying Jack’s dad and step-mom about the license suspension. In case they missed the memo. And worrying about the (almost for certain) blow-back that will likely occur.
  • Worrying about leaving the country (and Jack) in a couple of weeks.
  • Calling and leaving a message for Jack’s oncology case manager to ask about the results of the labs, which showed that the acidosis had gotten WORSE despite the changes in medication that happened two weeks ago. The case manager was not working today.
  • Contacting Jack’s pediatrician in an attempt to understand why Jack’s acidosis has gotten worse instead of better and find out next steps. Apparently the next step may be consulting with a nephrologist.
  • Letting the home tutor know we might not need him but, hey, it’s early in the week so ask us again in a day or two because Jack hasn’t made it to school more than two days in any given week over the last three months.
  • My day job, but from home.
  • Setting out the rest of Jack’s pills for the week and, then, ordering more.

That was all capped off by a full blown anxiety attack. ‘Cause this was all too much for one person to handle on any day and there will just be more tomorrow.