parenthood - Ewokmama

It’s Not About You

May 1, 2013 By Ewokmama

Six-year-olds are jerks.

Did you know that?

We’ve been struggling for weeks and weeks with all manner of things with Jack. Finally I went back to the parenting bible I had browsed a year ago – Your Six-Year-Old by Ames & Ilg – and everything became clear. I’m not failing and cancer isn’t stealing Jack’s youth and soul. He’s acting like a jerk because he’s six!

I don’t know why this surprised me. I’ve experienced similar revelations about other frustrating ages and stages. And as each year passes I revise my opinion that the age we just said goodbye to was the worst. Because seriously, kids only get more complicated with age!

But six…I really can’t imagine much worse. At least it’s well known (possibly because we remember them better) that the teen years suck. I remember enough of my teen years to know that I was a royal asshole and nothing my mom could do would have changed that fact – it was like I was implanted with a rage generator. I do not, however, remember much about age six so I just assumed it was mostly shiny and happy. I remember loving school, after all!

My memory is obviously faulty.

It’s always been amazing to watch Jack’s mind work, but now it’s getting scary. He understands – and correctly uses – sarcasm. He imagines up new species and describes their evolution – and it sounds plausible (and sometimes it’s a real thing that he thought he made up!). He states facts about science that *I* have to look up. His mind is getting sharper while mine is slowing down.

He is getting smarter than me, people!

He doesn’t know that, though. He’s still under the impression that adults know everything (although he argues anyway) and he doesn’t want to be an adult quite yet because he’s intimidated by how much it seems he has to learn first. Still, he wants to be important and he wants to be heard. He’s just unsure whether that is a function of age or something else. The uncertainly and anxiety have given him a raging case of “short man syndrome.” And the best person to take that shit out on?

MOM.

At least in our family it’s that way. Sure, Jack is a jerk to his other parents, too, but I seem to draw most of his ire. Maybe it’s because I’m the reminder of how much he has yet to learn. Maybe it’s because he feels safe and secure with me, thus he can act like a complete asshat and know that I will still love him 150%. Or perhaps it’s just a function of the mother-son relationship. I don’t really know.

In any case, I now know that it’s not about me.

And now I’m telling you all, too, so you don’t agonize like I have been: it’s not about you.

You’re welcome.

[Jack is seven soon. Please tell me the madness stops...]

Filed Under: Babyman, Parenting 101 Tagged With: 6 years old, child development, growing up, motherhood, parenthood, parenting, tantrums 3 Comments

Leukemia, Section 504, and Education Planning

April 11, 2013 By Ewokmama

I met with Jack’s first grade teacher, the school principal, and the district nurse yesterday to discuss a 504 assessment for Jack. If you aren’t familiar, Section 504 is part of the Rehabilitation Act that protects students with disabilities. Since Leukemia is a chronic, life-threatening illness that impacts his learning, working, and performance of manual tasks, he qualifies as disabled. Once a 504 assessment is made and it’s determined that a student qualifies, an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) is typically created to address the student’s needs in school.

Obviously, it’s taken me a while to get in gear and ask for this. The irony of requesting this assessment now is that Jack has caught up to his peers in most areas of concern since he started back to school in October. With that said, he is failing Physical Education, missing quite a bit of school, and his self-esteem and confidence are low. His stress level is difficult to manage even on a good day.

I was nervous going into the meeting. Not only am I still getting used to being an advocate for another person – a person whose needs have changed dramatically in the last year – but I’ve also read complaints about parents’ frustrating experiences with schools when enacting 504. I worried that I might get pushback from the school because Jack really is performing well. Thankfully, the school officials were all very understanding. I feel like we are off to a good start in helping to get Jack some relief.

In our hour-long meeting, I summarized Jack’s medication and treatment routines, explained how his health and side effects of treatment can impact him on any given day, and shared my concerns related to the challenges these things present to his education. Mainly it boils down to the fact that Jack puts forth so much additional effort in order to meet standards because of these challenges that it has compromised his emotional health and feelings about school.

We recorded the following challenges that impact Jack’s ability to learn:

Sensitivity to temperature changes
Bone and joint pain, soreness
Catheter in chest
Lowered muscle definition
Difficulty with coordination
Delayed reflexes
Shortness of breath
Dizziness
Weakness/fatigue
Attention/focus impacted by chemo treatment levels
Monthly steroid impacts mood and ability to cope with expectations
Medication taken at school, can get headache near time of receipt

Based on these things, the school will make accommodations for him to aid his learning in the following ways:

Additional time to complete assessments and assignments
Extra opportunities to repeat and explain information and directions
Extra time to respond to information and questions
Teacher will provide parents with work when child can’t attend school (to be completed if he feels well enough)
PE accommodations, such as alternate responsibilities/tasks
Teacher will remind Jack to eat and take snacks to accommodate his lack of appetite and slowness/distractibility when eating

This plan is a bit vague, but it should be enough to give the teachers the ability to customize the help they give Jack without making it a big production in front of his peers. I’m hoping that the additional understanding of Jack’s health issues from his teacher’s will take some of the pressure off of him and maybe that will even result in less self-injury! That’s my hope anyway.

I felt so relieved when I walked out of that office! I alternately wanted to cry and giggle hysterically. I didn’t have to push for any of this and it felt like I was part of a team that has Jack’s best interests at heart. There are people who have access to things that I don’t and they are going to help my child – we aren’t alone and we don’t have to spend tons of time blindly fumbling around the educational system.

Instead we can spend our time blindly fumbling our way through the parenting of our chronically ill kid! It may be a small victory but I will take it!

Filed Under: Cancer, Cancer Mom, Issues, Parenting 101, School Tagged With: 6 years old, allies in education, cancer, cancer mom, child development, childhood cancer, disabled students, education, emotional health, growing up, kids, leukemia, life, living with cancer, mental health, motherhood, parenthood, parenting, school, section 504 2 Comments

The Great Shoe Struggle Of ’13

March 22, 2013 By Ewokmama

Last week I threw my ~~hands in the air and waved them around like I just don’t care~~ whole self into the challenge of finding shoes for Jack. We did end up finding a pair at Payless. They are Airwalks (really) and look like this:

They only had this single pair in a size 13. 13 is the cap on “little kids” sizes or something. And then they go to 1 again. And have different styles and such. Or something. I’m no expert in kids shoes. Or adult shoes, for that matter. I own a bunch of pairs of Clarks and a couple pairs of Roxy and that’s it. (I’m picky, too.)

Anyway, these shoes aren’t available in big kids sizes. And they are girl shoes – not that I care but another kid at school did make fun of Jack for wearing girls shoes. Kids are jerks.

Summer is coming and we live in a hotter climate that we used to. It’s likely to be 90 degrees regularly this summer. Not to mention Jack’s feet are going to grow. And a single pair of shoes gets worn out QUICKLY. He needs more shoes!

So, like I said, I threw myself into the challenge. I ordered nine pairs of shoes from Zappos (since they do free shipping and returns) in a variety of brands and styles. They all looked lightweight and comfy. They arrived yesterday and Jack tried them all on and in a matter of 15 minutes or so they were all deemed AWFUL.

I have illustrated the reasons below:

My kid can’t even wear Crocs, you guys! Or Keen, Lacoste, See Kai Run, Sanuk, Cienta, or Morgan & Milo. He really wanted those brown Crocs to work – he loved the yeti on them. He chanted “please oh please oh please oh please” while trying them on. Still, no luck.

And yeah, I tried to get him to try them without socks. He refuses to not wear socks. He wears socks to bed! Feet must have socks!

So I packed up over $400 worth of shoes into a box, and back to Zappos they shall go. Thank goodness for a generous return policy!

** This post is not sponsored but I would totally accept money to ease my emotional pain.

Filed Under: Gear, Parenting 101, Shopping Tagged With: 6 years old, growing up, Health, kids, parenthood, Photos, sensory integration, shoes, shoes are uncomfortable, Shopping, tactile defensiveness, tactile sensitivity 5 Comments

Cancer Creeps In

March 19, 2013 By Ewokmama

“In two years and one week we won’t have a million little spoons to wash,” David said to me this weekend. We use two to three spoons each day to give Jack his medication. We’re both looking forward to going through less spoons.

“I can’t lay down like normal because my back hurts. I have cancer and had a procedure today.”

I took Jack to the dentist yesterday, which was also a procedure day. I try to clump his appointments together so that I don’t miss as much work AND so that we can get the crappy stuff over with all at once. Unfortunately I failed to think this through entirely when booking the dentist appointment. Jack’s lower back was sore from the lumbar puncture he had in the morning, so laying down in a dentist’s chair was uncomfortable. I folded up my sweater as cushioning for his lower back.

We made special requests. We do this here and there to ease some of the things Jack goes through. Do you have toothpaste other than mint? Can you put a movie on other than Tangled (it stresses him out)?

Jack yowled the whole time he was getting his teeth cleaned. He went on and on about how awful the toothpaste (first ‘chocolate,’ then watermelon) tasted. I felt sorry for the other patients. I hoped Jack’s yowling didn’t scare them. I held Jack’s hand and asked him to try to be quieter. But when you’re a kid who chews chemo every day, your tolerance for other bad tasting things is lowered. What can you do?

“I think Bri doesn’t play with me anymore because she thinks my Broviac is gross,” Jack told me recently. I asked if the other kids at school knew about his Broviac and he said yes – he had showed them. Some kids are still mistakenly under the impression the tube comes out of his stomach and find that frightening.

Cancer is on my mind all the time. I wish it wasn’t that way but it pops up where I least expect it. We went for a playdate this weekend and I had planned to avoid the topic. But it’s pretty hard NOT to talk about something that permeates every part of your life. Still, I don’t want to be the person who brings down every conversation. Thankfully, I discovered that our hosts were familiar with the disease. The mom broached the topic and I followed suit.

She nodded sagely when I confessed that I feel like I can no longer chime in on a Facebook status when someone’s child is ill, particularly if the symptoms resemble those that Jack had when he was diagnosed. It’s as if I am the bringer of doom and gloom. I allow that little whisper of “it could be serious” to get through. I give credence to a parent’s worry for their child. People stop talking once I have weighed in.

It’s similar to what happened when I was getting a divorce. Suddenly I could see the worry in the eyes of the couples around me – ‘If they couldn’t make it work, what does that mean for us?’

If her child can get a life-threatening disease, can mine?

Everyone knows the answer. It’s harder to ignore the possibility when the evidence of it happening right out of the blue, with no warning at all, is standing right next to you.

Today I mailed out the request for a 504 assessment to Jack’s school district office. It feels strange. Jack is pretty gifted in many areas. He’s also fierce and determined; he’s caught up well with his peers after missing over six months of school. He can do the homework and he is getting 100% on math tests now.

But here I am asking for him to be considered disabled. It feels wrong.

This is the reason I’ve delayed broaching the topic with the school before now. My son, even with Leukemia, has so much compared to so many others. How can I ask for more? His performance would be normal for so many other kids. Most people can’t tell he has problems at all. Isn’t that good enough?

But it’s not about how much we have or how much others don’t. Jack is doing better than expected, but he is struggling a lot in order to do so. Yes, he’s completing his 12-14 pages of homework each week, but it takes him so much longer than it should and it wears on him. He is tired and moody and often feels like he isn’t living (although he uses different words to say so). It’s hard to learn and retain information when you are using up all your energy just to get through the work.

Hell, if I’m exhausted every day, how must he feel? His worries and his challenges are a bit different, but they are so much bigger than he is. He has too much to worry about for such a small guy.

For the last year I’ve been thinking we’ll get used to all this and life will go back to the way it was. I thought we’d eventually make ourselves believe that everything will be just as it would have been otherwise…that all the worry would ebb away. I’ve been waiting for the time when I could worry less about what is going on in Jack’s body and return to thinking about more frivolous things – or even important things like my relationships with friends and family.

But I’m starting to get it. We aren’t going to go back. We jumped the track and now find ourselves somewhere completely different. We have to move forward. I can’t care about many of the things I used to care about – I don’t have the capacity and I’m in a completely different place.

So, to my friends and family and even people I’ve yet to meet: I’m sorry. I know cancer is unpleasant and it might seem like I’m “all cancer all the time” now. I just can’t help it and I hope you’ll forgive me for that. I am still finding my way.

Cancer creeps into everything.

Filed Under: Cancer, Cancer Mom, Parenting 101 Tagged With: 504 assessment, cancer, cancer mom, childhood cancer, chronic illness, Family, friends, kids, leukemia, life, life after cancer, living with cancer, parenthood, special needs 10 Comments

Progress In Inches

March 14, 2013 By Ewokmama

We’ve made some progress this week! Maybe things are getting better!

(I know – I should shoot myself now for saying that. It will all go to hell now that I’ve made a positive parenting-related comment!)

Jack saw his therapist on Monday. Together they brainstormed ideas for how to deal with anger (besides hurting himself). Jack used one of these methods last night – he drew a picture of the thing that had angered him, then ripped it up and taped it back together in a funky pattern. This seemed to give him a bit more control over the situation and he was happy that he “showed it.” I was proud of him!

He has seemed to be more open to talking about difficult subjects since Monday. Back when Jack was diagnosed, we were given an activity book that is supposed to help kids explore their emotions about their chronic illness. Jack has mostly refused to talk about cancer at all before now. But last night I said I had a neat workbook that I hoped he would try and suggested that it would be helpful with some of the frustration he’s been feeling. I sat next to him and flipped through the book, summarizing the different activities. When I mentioned “Things That Make Me Feel Alone,” Jack said he felt alone when his dad takes him to the redwoods and also on an empty street. He didn’t want to draw or write that down, though. I moved on and when I got to the one entitled “Things I Hate About The Hospital And Clinic,” he grabbed the packet and took off to the living room where his colored pencils were located. He drew a syringe, an elevator, a dressing change, and he wrote down ‘procedures’ because “I don’t know what they look like since I’m asleep.”

It was interesting that in thinking about it, he said there are several things that he doesn’t mind at all – i.e. the waiting, the examinations, the infusions. I made sure to point that out to him – it’s not all horrible even if it’s boring!

He went on to another page and drew the reactions of people around him when he was diagnosed. His picture showed indifference, the one of his parents showed worry, the doctor looked confident (“like ‘I know how to fix this!’”), and new people he met were nervous.

WOW. I was so relieved that he was actually expressing these things! Jack is a total people-pleaser and doesn’t want to talk about things that aren’t happy or cool because he doesn’t want anyone to be upset. It was part of the reason for the delay in realizing he had cancer – he won’t complain about something until it is unbearable. And even when he does complain, it’s understated – “my throat feels weird” becomes puke two minutes later. “My legs are floppy” means his legs are feeling weak and unsteady and he can’t walk well. The things going on with his body are generally the last thing on his mind (which can be good and bad).

We’ve been encouraging him since he was admitted to the hospital to complain more. I know that sounds strange! But his physicians would ask if he was having diarrhea or headaches or cloudy urine or tingling in his hands and we would have no idea. He’s king of “I’m fine!” But seriously, kid, we need to know if anything at all is bugging you because it can be a sign of something big!

Anyway, he’s getting better. He definitely complains more, although often still in a roundabout way. It’s weird when you have to suggest to your kid that he needs to eat or maybe he needs some allergy or headache medicine! And while I know what to look for to anticipate these things (hm, he’s very intent on coloring that dragon even though it’s lunch time and he is surely hungry!), others don’t and I’m not there all the time.

One thing he definitely hasn’t had trouble complaining about is clothing! It’s been an ongoing battle to find comfortable things for him and sometimes we lose the battle. However, I took him to buy (a third pair of) new shoes two nights ago and after trying nearly every pair in the store on, he was absolutely sure that some fur lined boots were The Ones. He freaking loves them. Yay! Now to find more pairs because those are not gonna last!

I’ve ordered socks without seams (they have them on Amazon!) and socks of various lengths and good quality in the hopes that we can get past his sock issue (also – he doesn’t feel right NOT wearing socks). And yesterday I ordered NINE pairs of shoes from Zappos that looked comfortable – some of which are fur-lined and others that are just fairly trim in design. I hope something works. Summer is coming and he’s not going to be able to wear those fur-lined boots forever. (I’ve tapped out my local resources for shoes – at least as far as how much I can afford!)

I’ve spent ungodly amounts of money on clothing for Jack this year. There should be a special charity for soft, comfortable clothing for kids with cancer!

David took Jack out for ice cream yesterday after he got 10 lilypads colored in on his behavior chart (he gets one each time he finishes homework, brushes his teeth without dawdling, and remembers to not maul the cat). We’re trying to reinforce the fact that he’s good and does good things because he’s WAY too hard on himself. The therapist said we should avoid charts with sad faces since he already focuses on his ‘bad’ behavior so much. Anyway, this seems to be working.

It’s a weird balancing act to parent such a sensitive kid. It’s nearly impossible to discipline him because he already punishes himself more than necessary! I’m not exactly a subtle person so it’s been challenging to dial back my reactions to some of the things he does – even a stern look will have him in tears in no time flat! Thank goodness I’m not more authoritarian – that would crush him!

The insight shared by you all has helped me, as well. I’ve learned that six year olds are very particular and kinda jerky. I’m trying to remember that his behavior is usually not a reflection of what I’m doing (or not doing) – it’s more about what he is feeling or trying not to feel. I can help guide him but I can’t fight all these battles for him.

So…progress for him AND me. I’ll take it!

Filed Under: Babyman, Cancer, Cancer Mom, Gear, Getting my groove back, Growing Up, Parenting 101, Shopping Tagged With: 6 years old, cancer, cancer mom, child development, coping with stress, discipline, discomfort, expressing emotionss, leukemia, life, mental health, motherhood, parenthood, parenting, sensory issues 3 Comments

Jack at Age Six

March 7, 2013 By Ewokmama

Jack doesn’t do favorites. He likes all the colors. He likes a variety of cookies and books and animals and activities.

He likes how he looks in black and red.

He doesn’t like obnoxious cartoons. He swears that the sole purpose of Johnny Test is to be annoying.

He prefers Mystery Incorporated and What’s New Scooby-Doo? over the original Scooby-Doo cartoons. He says the artwork looks better.

Jack thinks skateboards are the worst toys ever. He’s “not into” cars or trains.

He’s obsessed with aliens and monsters. He likes dragons a lot, too.

He totally hates it when someone talks about (or jokes about) bodily functions. It will ruin his day and any friendship.

He thinks spiders are cute.

Jack says cancer is “the most boring thing ever.” He doesn’t want to talk about it.

He won’t wear jeans or tank tops. He doesn’t like pants with buttons. He likes knit hats.

He doesn’t drink juice – only water and milk and sometimes Vitamin Water. Oh and he hates carbonation!

Playing in dirt is not his idea of a good time. Sticky things are even worse.

Despite his parents’ love of board games, he’s not that into them. And he’s only now liking coloring – at least if he’s coloring dragons. He did seem to inherit a love of crafts, though.

Jack can read really well. Recently he’s read some 60-page books. We read three books every night before bed – one from school that he reads and two chapter books that I read to him.

Plush animals are probably the number one toy for Jack. He has a ton of them (most are cats or monsters). Several sleep with him at night. When we are choosing the order of books to read at bedtime, he usually selects a plush to make the choice for him.

Our (mostly alive) cat Wicket also sleeps with him.

Jack draws and draws and draws. He’s been drawing since he was 2 years old and was handed a magnedoodle. We have boxes of his drawings and I don’t know what the heck to do with them all! He even draws on his schoolwork!

He’s awesome and I love him to pieces (even when he’s acting like a little jerk).

Filed Under: Babyman, Family, Growing Up Tagged With: 6 years old, child development, first grade, growing up, kids, love, motherhood, parenthood 4 Comments

Everything Is Against Him

March 6, 2013 By Ewokmama

It’s been a hard week. And it’s only Wednesday.

Monday and Tuesday Jack was late to school. This is sadly too common. He is soooooo slow to get anything done and any hurrying I try to do just stresses him out and delays him further. The school office doesn’t blink anymore when we come in late. They also don’t mark his tardies as excused, though.

The biggest issue we’ve been fighting with is clothing. Monday he had trouble with pockets being too bulky. Tuesday it was that the waist of the pants was too loose. Sometimes things don’t feel good on his skin. Or they feel damp (when they are probably just cold). This pair of underwear goes up too high, or this shirt isn’t the one he feels like wearing today.

Today it was all about socks. They bunch up. They don’t fit right. They feel weird when he puts his shoes on. The heel is in the wrong spot. The seam bothers his toes.

His shoes are a whole other story. He wears one pair and the soles are badly worn down. I’ve bought two pairs in the last two weeks and he can’t stand to wear either of them because they are too tight or too uncomfortable. Even though he tried them on at the store and said they fit!

Homework hasn’t been easy. Jack hates to be corrected. We ask him if he’s put forth his best effort and he says no…so then he has to keep trying. And then he says he’s tired. Or he storms off into his room and slams the door and hides because he’s frustrated about having to think. He did this several times last night. I try to get him to focus on doing what he knows first. We can worry about corrections later. But he stumbles over some of the math concepts and gets frustrated when he can’t grasp them quickly.

I don’t doubt he’s tired, honestly. He is difficult to drag out of bed in the mornings (at least, during the school week). He gets to bed much later than I would like because of how long it takes him to eat, and then the hour of waiting time before he can take his pills, and then the dawdling that happens during bed prep time. By the time I get him to bed my evening is gone, too. We’re all tired.

Time is a big problem. He eats slowly and runs out of time to play, which upsets him a lot. At school he hasn’t been finishing his lunch because he’s afraid of running out of time to play. Or sometimes another kid distracts him from eating.

Jack exclaims, “Everything is against me!” or “I never get to have fun!” Then he berates himself – “Ohhhh, why do I waste so much time?!” and smacks himself in the head.

We try to remind him that he has friends and family that aren’t against him. That clothes aren’t out to get him. That he gets to have fun at recess and he gets to watch Scooby Doo and work on various craft projects. We make deals (he’s been a fan of deals in the past) – if he finishes two pages of homework, we can build or color or craft together. We have reward charts for things he needs to focus on – finishing homework, being gentle with the cat, brushing his teeth without dawdling. Various things work for a day or two before they no longer seem to motivate him.

I don’t know how to help Jack. I don’t know how to help myself, either. I feel defeated and so very tired.

Somehow, we need relief.

Filed Under: Cancer, Cancer Mom, Growing Up, Illness Tagged With: 6 years old, cancer, cancer mom, child development, depression, Family, growing up, kids, life, mental health, parenthood, parenting 6 Comments

The Littlest Disciplinarian

January 22, 2013 By Ewokmama

Living with cancer is no easy feat (duh) and the medications certainly don’t make things any smoother. There are side effects galore and dealing with those on a regular basis can be be SO incredibly frustrating. Aside from the physical effects, Jack has had difficulty with memory and regulating his emotions. Then there are those weeks when he’s on the steroid – and we are all tip toeing around hoping that we don’t make a joke that offends the kid and sends him into a depression spiral.

Jack’s done so amazingly well this past year dealing with all of the cancer crap that it really should come as no surprise that he’d stumble a bit. But still, it was surprising AND alarming.

I don’t recall when it started exactly, but sometime in the last year Jack started to get really upset with himself for forgetting things or doing things wrong and he would react by hurting himself. Sometimes he would hit himself in the face, sometimes he’d bang his head against the wall, and we even saw him push his thumbs into his eyes (cringe!). Not too long ago he came home from school and told me he’d put himself on time out during recess after a teacher asked him to stop bouncing on her shoulders.

We’ve told him over and over again how much we love him, how it’s our job as his parents to protect him and not let anyone hurt him – including himself! We explain that it’s okay to make mistakes and that we are there to remind him of what to do when those mistakes come up. His job is to try to do better in the future – not to punish himself for making those mistakes! This hasn’t seemed to get through to him, though.

Sometime before Christmas I sent a message to Jack’s Case Manager at the hospital to ask for a referral to a therapist. It was clear that Jack was having some anger management problems and we were at a loss as to how to help him express himself better. We were referred to the department’s social worker, who, unfortunately, happens to be the least helpful person who very much would like to help EVER. And so she called me and got some information and then sighed and expressed her sympathy and said she would get me some information so that we could take Jack to therapy. Except she didn’t.

A couple weeks later when I saw her at the clinic and she still hadn’t gotten me that information (and it was STILL an issue), I reminded her. Alas, no help came.

Then, in the epic awesomeness (ha) that was last week, we had another incident that scared the shit out of us. Jack was working on his homework but kept getting distracted by a paper monster sitting nearby. When David attempted to move the monster so that Jack could concentrate, Jack got upset and grabbed the monster and threw it. David reminded him that throwing things isn’t okay, and Jack responded by grabbing his pencil and aiming it right at his own eye. David grabbed it before he could do any harm, thank goodness.

But holy crap! Our six year old almost stabbed himself in the eye with a pencil to punish himself for throwing a paper monster!

So it was time to take matters in my own hands and I made an appointment for him to see a doctor that afternoon. After some discussions with the pediatrician’s office I was then referred to the intake psychologist in the psychiatry department, who gathered more information about our situation and decided we should probably skip the regular intake routine and go straight for an appointment ASAP.

Had Jack had any big changes or stressful situations in his life over the last year? Oh, gee, where do I start??

Has he ever said he wanted to die? Um, no! Shit! He’s six!

Thankfully, we got Jack an appointment with a child psychologist scheduled for Friday. I was told to keep all sharp objects, medications, cleaning supplies and other harmful things out of his reach. Which is just NOT something you expect to EVER hear in relation to your first grader! (And, well, he doesn’t have access to those things anyway! But David did hide his safety scissors from him just in case. And now he’s a bit behind on homework since pencils suddenly posed a threat.)

All of that and Jack wasn’t even on the steroids last week. He started those today!

The appointment went well. Jack liked the therapist and even drew him a picture that he got to keep (which is pretty rare). He and the therapist came up with the idea that rather than trying to hurt himself to teach himself a lesson and help him remember, he would instead draw a picture of what he wasn’t supposed to do and tape it to the wall in his bedroom. This has seemed to work so far – Jack now has a “DO NOT JUMP ON MOM” picture on his wall.

This week is steroid (Decadron) week, though, so we’ll see how it goes. We see the therapist again on February 4th. I’m hoping things won’t be too chaotic in the mean time. We could all use a less eventful week.

Filed Under: Cancer, Cancer Mom, Issues, Parenting 101 Tagged With: 6 years old, anger management, cancer, cancer mom, child psychology, children, discipline, growing up, kids, leukemia, life, mental health, parenthood, parenting, therapy 3 Comments

It Wasn’t All Bad

January 2, 2013 By Ewokmama

Despite the hardships we endured in 2012, there were some significantly good things that happened, as well. I DO recognize that and am very thankful. As much as things sucked last year, we were lucky in so many ways and it’s something I think about every day.

We had made a goal to buy a house in 2012 and we HUSTLED and totally did it. In less than six months we viewed over 60 houses, made 6 offers, and then we moved in June. We love our house and are very happy there. Our neighbors are wonderful, our location is convenient, and Jack’s school is fantastic!

Jack’s treatments have gone incredibly smoothly. Aside from his initial hospitalization when diagnosed in January, he didn’t have to spend another night in the hospital! He had no infections, only one fever (that was benign), and tolerated all of the medications very well. He didn’t even have to take many of the medications other patients take to manage side effects. We’ve had some blips with pill taking and adjusting to going back to school, but I can’t imagine any of it going MORE smoothly than it did.

David and I have gone through a lot in our four years together and this year was the hardest yet, but our marriage is better than ever. We’ve grown together, leaned on one another, and become a stronger unit. Our marriage has kept me grounded even when it felt like the world was coming apart around me.

We were gainfully employed. This has meant a lot, especially when the economy has been total crap. David was hired on at a great company this year, which was a HUGE relief after the last few employers he had. My own employer has been incredibly gracious and flexible with my schedule this year, which prevented a lot of stress. The health insurance is no small thing, either! I remember walking into the admitting office at Kaiser back in January and the admitting nurse commented, “Wow! You have GREAT insurance coverage!” She was right – our plan has covered probably 99% of cancer treatment costs. I wake up every day and think about how lucky I am to have a good job with health benefits. We would be destitute otherwise.

Friends and family were absolutely wonderful. I was amazed at the outpouring of support we received upon Jack’s diagnosis. EVERYONE we knew – and many people we didn’t know – wanted to help. Whether it was meals, supplies, toys to keep Jack busy, cards, care packages…it all left me in awe. Many days we sat and marveled at the goodness of people. We are so loved and never felt alone.

I’m still hoping that 2013 brings many great things (and fewer bad things), but I know I’ll feel lucky enough with what I already have.

Filed Under: Getting my groove back Tagged With: cancer, cancer mom, Family, friends, Health, leukemia, life, love, marriage, new year, parenthood, working mom, working parents 1 Comment

Decking The Halls

December 3, 2012 By Ewokmama

We’re gearing up for Christmas. This is our first Christmas in our new house, so we are pretty excited! It’s been a rough year, but we are taking every opportunity to celebrate life. I’m trying not to let the fact that Jack has a lumbar puncture and chemo scheduled for Christmas Eve get to me. Blech.

Last year our dog ate our stockings, including the personalized knit one I’ve had since I was a child. To write that wrong, I went to Etsy and found an awesome stocking shop called Forshee Designs and now we all have coordinating stockings with our names on them. They are big and sturdy and gorgeous (and we hung them high – out of Lambert’s reach!).

David and I bought ornaments and Christmas lights at Kmart, since we only had decorations fit for a miniature tree (having lived in apartments for so long). David decked the house with white dangling lights and the windows are lined with blue lights. I put snowflake decals in our front window and we have flickering LED candles in all of the windows. That went a long way to making things feel pretty magical.

Our shopping is nearly done. This weekend I did a blitz on getting stocking stuffers at Pier 1 and Target. I also got some holiday crafts to work on with Jack, including a gingerbread cookie decorating kit. I then hung our Stampin’ Up! advent calendar – filled with chocolate and small toys. I’m not super excited about most of the things we got for Jack this year, but I think the top three would be the Little Thinker CDs (a story is told or question asked on the CD and the kid is supposed to draw along with it), the Creatures Card Game and the animated Ewoks DVD (which he may not like at all!).

To complete our home decor, we just need a tree! We’ve decided we’re getting a real tree this year. I found a Christmas Tree farm in our new town where we can cut our own. I remember doing that as a kid and LOVING it. I can’t wait to take Jack and search for our perfect tree and then take it home and decorate it!

One thing I’m super excited about this year is a DVD we got from Your Santa Story. I went onto the website and input Jack’s info and asked that Santa tell him what a brave and strong kid he is. On Christmas morning a note will appear from Santa to tell Jack about the DVD. Santa will then talk right to him and even tell him where his last present is hidden. I can’t wait to see the look on his face! If you want to give your Christmas a little extra magic this year, go check it out.

I thought I would share the other websites I’ve found helpful in getting ready for Christmas this year for those of you who are dragging your feet! I know it can be hard to get started and it can be stressful to spend all that money. We certainly don’t have a lot to spend this year after buying a house, a car, and paying a bunch of copays so we are watching our spending, but the celebration is important to us so I took extra care to find deals and rebates. Maybe you can benefit from my shopping experience via these websites:

Pinterest – This is where I keep track of holiday craft ideas, recipes, and gift ideas. You can follow me there if you’d like (not that I profess to have especially great taste).
Ebates – You get a percentage back from merchants you buy from when you click through the Ebates site. It’s free money, so you are screwing yourself if you don’t do it – I’ve gotten over $400 back since I joined in 2008! This year I am getting cash back from purchases on Groupon, Amazon, Tanga, The Children’s Place, eBay and Zulily.
Etsy – For unique, handmade anything! There are some really good stocking stuffers to be found (like mojito lip balm), personalized stockings (as mentioned above), or that special thing for that quirky friend of yours who likes things like Velveteen Rabbit necklaces or beard beanies.
Threadless – For unique artsy or funny shirts. Everyone loves t-shirts, right?
Tanga – A great deal site! I particularly like the deals on board games, such as this 3-pack of Dominion for $60 (we love this game!).
Nomorerack.com – This site has a bunch of new and amazing deals every day. There’s a flat rate shipping fee of $2 per item. You can get some really fantastic deals!
Naked Wines – Usually it’s a losing proposition monetarily to run a small winery. This company helps independent wine makers distribute their wines without the crazy overhead, which means cheaper and more unique wines for customers! If you click my sidebar button over on the right you’ll get $100 toward a $160 purchase – perfect for stocking up for the holidays.

What are YOU excited about this Christmas?

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This post is not a sponsored post and only contains retailers and products that I would personally recommend; however, some of these links are affiliate links for which I may receive compensation.

Filed Under: Gear, Holidays & Events, Photos, Shopping Tagged With: christmas, december, growing up, holidays, imagination, life, parenthood, Photos, santa, toys 2 Comments