parenting - Ewokmama

It’s Not About You

May 1, 2013 By Ewokmama

Six-year-olds are jerks.

Did you know that?

We’ve been struggling for weeks and weeks with all manner of things with Jack. Finally I went back to the parenting bible I had browsed a year ago – Your Six-Year-Old by Ames & Ilg – and everything became clear. I’m not failing and cancer isn’t stealing Jack’s youth and soul. He’s acting like a jerk because he’s six!

I don’t know why this surprised me. I’ve experienced similar revelations about other frustrating ages and stages. And as each year passes I revise my opinion that the age we just said goodbye to was the worst. Because seriously, kids only get more complicated with age!

But six…I really can’t imagine much worse. At least it’s well known (possibly because we remember them better) that the teen years suck. I remember enough of my teen years to know that I was a royal asshole and nothing my mom could do would have changed that fact – it was like I was implanted with a rage generator. I do not, however, remember much about age six so I just assumed it was mostly shiny and happy. I remember loving school, after all!

My memory is obviously faulty.

It’s always been amazing to watch Jack’s mind work, but now it’s getting scary. He understands – and correctly uses – sarcasm. He imagines up new species and describes their evolution – and it sounds plausible (and sometimes it’s a real thing that he thought he made up!). He states facts about science that *I* have to look up. His mind is getting sharper while mine is slowing down.

He is getting smarter than me, people!

He doesn’t know that, though. He’s still under the impression that adults know everything (although he argues anyway) and he doesn’t want to be an adult quite yet because he’s intimidated by how much it seems he has to learn first. Still, he wants to be important and he wants to be heard. He’s just unsure whether that is a function of age or something else. The uncertainly and anxiety have given him a raging case of “short man syndrome.” And the best person to take that shit out on?

MOM.

At least in our family it’s that way. Sure, Jack is a jerk to his other parents, too, but I seem to draw most of his ire. Maybe it’s because I’m the reminder of how much he has yet to learn. Maybe it’s because he feels safe and secure with me, thus he can act like a complete asshat and know that I will still love him 150%. Or perhaps it’s just a function of the mother-son relationship. I don’t really know.

In any case, I now know that it’s not about me.

And now I’m telling you all, too, so you don’t agonize like I have been: it’s not about you.

You’re welcome.

[Jack is seven soon. Please tell me the madness stops...]

Filed Under: Babyman, Parenting 101 Tagged With: 6 years old, child development, growing up, motherhood, parenthood, parenting, tantrums 3 Comments

A Plant In A Boot Saves The Day

April 26, 2013 By Ewokmama

Jack has these meltdowns sometimes. He gets so agitated and upset that he starts making all kinds of noises – growling and moaning and seething. He kicks and hits things and looks wild-eyed. He rocks and flails. He is SO UPSET and his whole body shows it. He radiates stress.

When he was a toddler, it wasn’t that big of a deal. It sucked, but it was usually in connection with being overtired and overstimulated. The best way to handle it was to let him go at it in a darkened room. He was smaller and less destructive then.

Waiting it out is harder these days. He can cause real damage to himself and the stuff around him. The dark room doesn’t seem to penetrate the haze and he gets even more upset if we try to hold and hug him.

So last night when Jack went into his tailspin (because I had demonstrated to him why I didn’t like to be climbed on), I was at a loss. He didn’t want to be held or massaged or even talked to. I tried anyway, but he was completely out of control of his own faculties and I had to just get out of the way lest I get kicked in the face. When I reached the point where I just wanted to yell at him to STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT, I realized I needed to leave the room.

I traded places with David and he wasn’t much more successful than I was. Instead of Jack calming down, the tension kept building. David tried to get him to think of happier things but that just seemed to piss him off more. Finally, David passed the torch back to me and left the room.

A few minutes later he came back, this time with one of Jack’s plants. He had recently planted some Dragon Tongue beans and the sprouts are shooting up fast. Jack started to calm when he saw the sprout, and then he had an idea. He asked for a boot and David complied. Then Jack created an ode to WALL-E:

This helped immensely! You can’t help but smile at a plant in a boot, right?

I then offered to read one more chapter from The Strange Case of Origami Yoda (<-sponsored) so that Jack had a bit more time to wind down and all was then well with the world.

But who would have predicted that a plant in a boot would do the trick? What will the solution be next time??

Filed Under: Parenting 101, Photos Tagged With: 6 years old, kids, meltdowns, parenting, tantrums, wall-e 4 Comments

I Hate Cancer

April 23, 2013 By Ewokmama

I hate that it turns my affable little boy into a wild animal who growls and beats on everything in site.

I hate that a temperature of 99 degrees leaves me worrying that he is getting sick. I mean, it’s elevated by .04 degrees! That should mean nothing!

I hate that my heart breaks anew on a regular basis. Today it happened when Jack melted down for no real reason, then told me about his friend’s brother who got cancer in “a place we don’t talk about” (he pointed to his genitals). That is so SCARY for a little boy!

I hate that much of our quality time has been taken up by dressing changes and medication and doctor appointments and blood tests.

I hate that my own health has suffered, as well.

I hate that we don’t know what’s going on in Jack’s body, that we have to blindly trust that the medications are working.

I hate the fact that all the immunizations he had may be wiped out.

I hate that we have to deal with school and work when what we really need is a mental health day (week/month/year).

Much to my surprise, I hate that Jack doesn’t energetically pop out of bed on his own at 7am like he used to.

I hate that I have to give my child poison and make him feel even worse and risk damaging his vital organs.

I hate that I have to be strong for him when all I want to do is hide under the covers and cry.

I hate that I can’t wrap my brain around money because of all the stress…and I hate the credit card debt that has resulted.

I hate being so sapped and bone tired all the time.

I hate that I no longer have the time or energy to devote to friendships and family members and taking more than decent care of myself.

I hate that cancer is on my mind ALL.THE.TIME.

I hate the constant pull to just give up – that I can’t possibly listen to even a little bit.

Cancer is bullshit and I hate it. A lot.

Filed Under: Cancer, Cancer Mom, Illness Tagged With: cancer, caregiver, childhood cancer, leukemia, living with cancer, parenting 5 Comments

Leukemia, Section 504, and Education Planning

April 11, 2013 By Ewokmama

I met with Jack’s first grade teacher, the school principal, and the district nurse yesterday to discuss a 504 assessment for Jack. If you aren’t familiar, Section 504 is part of the Rehabilitation Act that protects students with disabilities. Since Leukemia is a chronic, life-threatening illness that impacts his learning, working, and performance of manual tasks, he qualifies as disabled. Once a 504 assessment is made and it’s determined that a student qualifies, an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) is typically created to address the student’s needs in school.

Obviously, it’s taken me a while to get in gear and ask for this. The irony of requesting this assessment now is that Jack has caught up to his peers in most areas of concern since he started back to school in October. With that said, he is failing Physical Education, missing quite a bit of school, and his self-esteem and confidence are low. His stress level is difficult to manage even on a good day.

I was nervous going into the meeting. Not only am I still getting used to being an advocate for another person – a person whose needs have changed dramatically in the last year – but I’ve also read complaints about parents’ frustrating experiences with schools when enacting 504. I worried that I might get pushback from the school because Jack really is performing well. Thankfully, the school officials were all very understanding. I feel like we are off to a good start in helping to get Jack some relief.

In our hour-long meeting, I summarized Jack’s medication and treatment routines, explained how his health and side effects of treatment can impact him on any given day, and shared my concerns related to the challenges these things present to his education. Mainly it boils down to the fact that Jack puts forth so much additional effort in order to meet standards because of these challenges that it has compromised his emotional health and feelings about school.

We recorded the following challenges that impact Jack’s ability to learn:

Sensitivity to temperature changes
Bone and joint pain, soreness
Catheter in chest
Lowered muscle definition
Difficulty with coordination
Delayed reflexes
Shortness of breath
Dizziness
Weakness/fatigue
Attention/focus impacted by chemo treatment levels
Monthly steroid impacts mood and ability to cope with expectations
Medication taken at school, can get headache near time of receipt

Based on these things, the school will make accommodations for him to aid his learning in the following ways:

Additional time to complete assessments and assignments
Extra opportunities to repeat and explain information and directions
Extra time to respond to information and questions
Teacher will provide parents with work when child can’t attend school (to be completed if he feels well enough)
PE accommodations, such as alternate responsibilities/tasks
Teacher will remind Jack to eat and take snacks to accommodate his lack of appetite and slowness/distractibility when eating

This plan is a bit vague, but it should be enough to give the teachers the ability to customize the help they give Jack without making it a big production in front of his peers. I’m hoping that the additional understanding of Jack’s health issues from his teacher’s will take some of the pressure off of him and maybe that will even result in less self-injury! That’s my hope anyway.

I felt so relieved when I walked out of that office! I alternately wanted to cry and giggle hysterically. I didn’t have to push for any of this and it felt like I was part of a team that has Jack’s best interests at heart. There are people who have access to things that I don’t and they are going to help my child – we aren’t alone and we don’t have to spend tons of time blindly fumbling around the educational system.

Instead we can spend our time blindly fumbling our way through the parenting of our chronically ill kid! It may be a small victory but I will take it!

Filed Under: Cancer, Cancer Mom, Issues, Parenting 101, School Tagged With: 6 years old, allies in education, cancer, cancer mom, child development, childhood cancer, disabled students, education, emotional health, growing up, kids, leukemia, life, living with cancer, mental health, motherhood, parenthood, parenting, school, section 504 2 Comments

Progress In Inches

March 14, 2013 By Ewokmama

We’ve made some progress this week! Maybe things are getting better!

(I know – I should shoot myself now for saying that. It will all go to hell now that I’ve made a positive parenting-related comment!)

Jack saw his therapist on Monday. Together they brainstormed ideas for how to deal with anger (besides hurting himself). Jack used one of these methods last night – he drew a picture of the thing that had angered him, then ripped it up and taped it back together in a funky pattern. This seemed to give him a bit more control over the situation and he was happy that he “showed it.” I was proud of him!

He has seemed to be more open to talking about difficult subjects since Monday. Back when Jack was diagnosed, we were given an activity book that is supposed to help kids explore their emotions about their chronic illness. Jack has mostly refused to talk about cancer at all before now. But last night I said I had a neat workbook that I hoped he would try and suggested that it would be helpful with some of the frustration he’s been feeling. I sat next to him and flipped through the book, summarizing the different activities. When I mentioned “Things That Make Me Feel Alone,” Jack said he felt alone when his dad takes him to the redwoods and also on an empty street. He didn’t want to draw or write that down, though. I moved on and when I got to the one entitled “Things I Hate About The Hospital And Clinic,” he grabbed the packet and took off to the living room where his colored pencils were located. He drew a syringe, an elevator, a dressing change, and he wrote down ‘procedures’ because “I don’t know what they look like since I’m asleep.”

It was interesting that in thinking about it, he said there are several things that he doesn’t mind at all – i.e. the waiting, the examinations, the infusions. I made sure to point that out to him – it’s not all horrible even if it’s boring!

He went on to another page and drew the reactions of people around him when he was diagnosed. His picture showed indifference, the one of his parents showed worry, the doctor looked confident (“like ‘I know how to fix this!’”), and new people he met were nervous.

WOW. I was so relieved that he was actually expressing these things! Jack is a total people-pleaser and doesn’t want to talk about things that aren’t happy or cool because he doesn’t want anyone to be upset. It was part of the reason for the delay in realizing he had cancer – he won’t complain about something until it is unbearable. And even when he does complain, it’s understated – “my throat feels weird” becomes puke two minutes later. “My legs are floppy” means his legs are feeling weak and unsteady and he can’t walk well. The things going on with his body are generally the last thing on his mind (which can be good and bad).

We’ve been encouraging him since he was admitted to the hospital to complain more. I know that sounds strange! But his physicians would ask if he was having diarrhea or headaches or cloudy urine or tingling in his hands and we would have no idea. He’s king of “I’m fine!” But seriously, kid, we need to know if anything at all is bugging you because it can be a sign of something big!

Anyway, he’s getting better. He definitely complains more, although often still in a roundabout way. It’s weird when you have to suggest to your kid that he needs to eat or maybe he needs some allergy or headache medicine! And while I know what to look for to anticipate these things (hm, he’s very intent on coloring that dragon even though it’s lunch time and he is surely hungry!), others don’t and I’m not there all the time.

One thing he definitely hasn’t had trouble complaining about is clothing! It’s been an ongoing battle to find comfortable things for him and sometimes we lose the battle. However, I took him to buy (a third pair of) new shoes two nights ago and after trying nearly every pair in the store on, he was absolutely sure that some fur lined boots were The Ones. He freaking loves them. Yay! Now to find more pairs because those are not gonna last!

I’ve ordered socks without seams (they have them on Amazon!) and socks of various lengths and good quality in the hopes that we can get past his sock issue (also – he doesn’t feel right NOT wearing socks). And yesterday I ordered NINE pairs of shoes from Zappos that looked comfortable – some of which are fur-lined and others that are just fairly trim in design. I hope something works. Summer is coming and he’s not going to be able to wear those fur-lined boots forever. (I’ve tapped out my local resources for shoes – at least as far as how much I can afford!)

I’ve spent ungodly amounts of money on clothing for Jack this year. There should be a special charity for soft, comfortable clothing for kids with cancer!

David took Jack out for ice cream yesterday after he got 10 lilypads colored in on his behavior chart (he gets one each time he finishes homework, brushes his teeth without dawdling, and remembers to not maul the cat). We’re trying to reinforce the fact that he’s good and does good things because he’s WAY too hard on himself. The therapist said we should avoid charts with sad faces since he already focuses on his ‘bad’ behavior so much. Anyway, this seems to be working.

It’s a weird balancing act to parent such a sensitive kid. It’s nearly impossible to discipline him because he already punishes himself more than necessary! I’m not exactly a subtle person so it’s been challenging to dial back my reactions to some of the things he does – even a stern look will have him in tears in no time flat! Thank goodness I’m not more authoritarian – that would crush him!

The insight shared by you all has helped me, as well. I’ve learned that six year olds are very particular and kinda jerky. I’m trying to remember that his behavior is usually not a reflection of what I’m doing (or not doing) – it’s more about what he is feeling or trying not to feel. I can help guide him but I can’t fight all these battles for him.

So…progress for him AND me. I’ll take it!

Filed Under: Babyman, Cancer, Cancer Mom, Gear, Getting my groove back, Growing Up, Parenting 101, Shopping Tagged With: 6 years old, cancer, cancer mom, child development, coping with stress, discipline, discomfort, expressing emotionss, leukemia, life, mental health, motherhood, parenthood, parenting, sensory issues 3 Comments

Everything Is Against Him

March 6, 2013 By Ewokmama

It’s been a hard week. And it’s only Wednesday.

Monday and Tuesday Jack was late to school. This is sadly too common. He is soooooo slow to get anything done and any hurrying I try to do just stresses him out and delays him further. The school office doesn’t blink anymore when we come in late. They also don’t mark his tardies as excused, though.

The biggest issue we’ve been fighting with is clothing. Monday he had trouble with pockets being too bulky. Tuesday it was that the waist of the pants was too loose. Sometimes things don’t feel good on his skin. Or they feel damp (when they are probably just cold). This pair of underwear goes up too high, or this shirt isn’t the one he feels like wearing today.

Today it was all about socks. They bunch up. They don’t fit right. They feel weird when he puts his shoes on. The heel is in the wrong spot. The seam bothers his toes.

His shoes are a whole other story. He wears one pair and the soles are badly worn down. I’ve bought two pairs in the last two weeks and he can’t stand to wear either of them because they are too tight or too uncomfortable. Even though he tried them on at the store and said they fit!

Homework hasn’t been easy. Jack hates to be corrected. We ask him if he’s put forth his best effort and he says no…so then he has to keep trying. And then he says he’s tired. Or he storms off into his room and slams the door and hides because he’s frustrated about having to think. He did this several times last night. I try to get him to focus on doing what he knows first. We can worry about corrections later. But he stumbles over some of the math concepts and gets frustrated when he can’t grasp them quickly.

I don’t doubt he’s tired, honestly. He is difficult to drag out of bed in the mornings (at least, during the school week). He gets to bed much later than I would like because of how long it takes him to eat, and then the hour of waiting time before he can take his pills, and then the dawdling that happens during bed prep time. By the time I get him to bed my evening is gone, too. We’re all tired.

Time is a big problem. He eats slowly and runs out of time to play, which upsets him a lot. At school he hasn’t been finishing his lunch because he’s afraid of running out of time to play. Or sometimes another kid distracts him from eating.

Jack exclaims, “Everything is against me!” or “I never get to have fun!” Then he berates himself – “Ohhhh, why do I waste so much time?!” and smacks himself in the head.

We try to remind him that he has friends and family that aren’t against him. That clothes aren’t out to get him. That he gets to have fun at recess and he gets to watch Scooby Doo and work on various craft projects. We make deals (he’s been a fan of deals in the past) – if he finishes two pages of homework, we can build or color or craft together. We have reward charts for things he needs to focus on – finishing homework, being gentle with the cat, brushing his teeth without dawdling. Various things work for a day or two before they no longer seem to motivate him.

I don’t know how to help Jack. I don’t know how to help myself, either. I feel defeated and so very tired.

Somehow, we need relief.

Filed Under: Cancer, Cancer Mom, Growing Up, Illness Tagged With: 6 years old, cancer, cancer mom, child development, depression, Family, growing up, kids, life, mental health, parenthood, parenting 6 Comments

Almost Spring

February 22, 2013 By Ewokmama

So, it’s February. Barely so – it’s closing in on March quickly! And I will mostly look back on the first two months of 2013 and not remember what the hell I did with my time.

But! Jack got glasses a week or so ago. We found out he is very farsighted and so now he has a pair of glasses with very thick lenses. It bummed me out a bit – another thing for him to have to deal with, and the glasses hide his gorgeous long eyelashes. But his vision shouldn’t worsen with age (this is a genetic thing and not cancer-related) and he can now read more easily and quickly! And this should mean less headaches for him, as well, which I know he’ll appreciate.

The adjustment to having glasses has gone surprisingly smoothly. Jack doesn’t normally handle transitions well, but with the glasses he tends to forget he is even wearing them and I have to remove them at bedtime. His classmates chattered a lot about the change when Jack showed up at school, but as far as I know there haven’t been any problems with teasing.

Jack’s teacher told me recently that he has caught up academically with his classmates! She has been very impressed by and proud of him! This was before he got glasses, so I’m sure that he will continue improving with the aid of being able to see properly. He recently read his first 40- and 50-page books, too!

I’m still a bit mystified by Jack’s social interactions. On any given day he’ll say he doesn’t have any friends or that no one wants to play with him. Yet walking through school and seeing all the kids who say hi to him tells a different story! He even gets hugs sometimes! It also seems that, from what we can interpret from the few details Jack gives us, it’s not that kids don’t want to play with him but that they don’t want to play what HE wants to play OR they don’t play it the way he wants them to. I’m not sure how to help him be more assertive with his needs (it’s taken a ton of work just to get him to tell us when he’s not feeling well – he doesn’t want to upset us!) and also to be less rigid. I’m hoping he’ll get it figured out on his own.

Physically Jack is doing fine. Maintenance continues as normal, although we did have to add Tums to his regimen on the weeks he takes steroids. A 6-year-old with heartburn is a pity (and kinda scary because all he knows is that his “chest hurts;” I already had the worry about when his stomach hurts – kidneys? liver? just constipation?). He’s also had either the same cold or four different colds since before Christmas. But his ANC is good and his exams have been fine so I try to focus on that. Plus, he is definitely growing! The kid needs new clothes and shoes again.

It had seemed we were making progress on the self-flagellation but yesterday Jack got really frustrated with himself for going through several pairs of socks before finding comfortable ones and slammed his forehead against the arm of the couch. He said he didn’t have time to draw that lesson (we were running late for school). And unfortunately he wasn’t feeling well enough to go to therapy on Wednesday since he’d had chemo the day before, so we’ll have to wait until March to address that again with his therapist. Maybe in the mean time I’ll coat the walls and hard furniture with bubble wrap!

So that’s what’s going on with my little ewok dude lately. It’s fairly tame stuff and for that I am grateful!

Filed Under: Cancer, Cancer Mom, Growing Up, Illness, Milestones, School Tagged With: 6 years old, child development, Health, kids, leukemia, life, mental health, parenting, school 4 Comments

Box Tops Pantry Stock Up Giveaway

February 15, 2013 By Ewokmama

If you have a child attending public school, you likely spend at least a little bit of time ripping little squares off the packaging of your pantry contents and collecting them in an envelope to give to your kid’s school. You maybe even hit up your childless co-workers for THEIR box tops. (I can’t be the only one!) I know that since Jack entered Kindergarten, I’ve become much more aware of which products I buy at the store and whether they have the Box Tops for Education label on them. I’m much more likely to choose a brand that will help my son’s school – especially if it’s a better product than the alternative.

Did you know that since its introduction in 1996, the Box Tops for Education program has provided $500 million in funding to schools? That’s a lotta money and it’s the simplest thing in the world to collect little squares of paper and drop them off at your school. These things are on TONS of products that parents buy – food, containers, organizational products, etc.. I guarantee you have these sitting in your cupboards right now. (If you aren’t using them, send them to me! California schools can use all the help they can get!)

Check out this press release detailing the Box Tops program:

Cash-Strapped Schools Welcome Record-Setting Funding from Box Tops
Box Tops for Education® Raises More than $500 Million for Schools

Minneapolis, February 1, 2013 ─ Box Tops for Education®, the nation’s largest school fundraising program, today announced that it has earned more than half-a-billion dollars for schools across the country since it started in The General Mills program began as an experiment on boxes of Cheerios in California with first year earnings of only $1 million. It has grown to include more than 240 participating brands providing needed cash for 90,000 enrolled K-8 schools. At the heart of the program is more than 75,000 volunteer Box Tops for Education coordinators who motivate local school communities to collect the 10-cent coupons which are redeemed for cash schools use for whatever they need most.

To celebrate this milestone, this winter, the program is offering a variety of bonus Box Tops on more than 50 million packages at grocery stores and at btfe.com, allowing shoppers to double their earnings with select products.

School budget cuts have made the program more and more important over the years as it provides unrestricted cash to help schools with their basic operating needs and programs that would not be possible otherwise, such as field trips, textbooks, musical instruments, playground equipment, classroom technology and arts and cultural programming.

“I witnessed the power of the program when I visited several schools in the state a few months ago,” said New Mexico governor, Susana Martinez. “After seeing how easy it was to earn cash for schools, I started encouraging everyone to participate to help students get the things they need most to improve their education experience. I congratulate Box Tops for Education on reaching this impressive level of support for students
everywhere.”

“We are very impressed at how far the Box Tops program has come,” said Mark Addicks, chief marketing officer at General Mills. “To say that we’ve awarded schools more than $525 million through this simple program is amazing to us. However, it’s due largely to our participating brand partners and passionate coordinators that have propelled the program to this level.”

On average, schools in the U.S. earn around $900 annually through the program, but many schools earn more than $20,000 by clipping Box Tops, participating in bonus programs and shopping 300 online eBoxTops® retailers at the Box Tops Marketplace®.

About Box Tops for Education
America’s schools have earned more than $525 million through the Box Tops for Education® program since the program started in 1996, including $47 million just since March 2012. More than 90,000 schools use that cash to purchase items such as computers, library books, art supplies and playground equipment. Schools can earn up to $20,000 by clipping Box Tops coupons from 240 products and can earn eBoxTops by shopping online through the Box Tops Marketplace. To learn more and for a list of participating products, visit www.btfe.com.

Facebook at www.facebook.com/BoxTopsforEducation
Twitter at www.twitter.com/BTFE

To celebrate the awesomeness of this program and their $500 million milestone, I am hosting a Pantry Stock Up giveaway. One lucky winner will get a box full of products with the Box Tops labels right on them. You can stock up your pantry AND help your child’s school raise money at the same time with these tasty items:

New Peanut Butter Toast Crunch® cereal
Nature Valley® Chewy Trail Mix Dark Chocolate Cherry and Protein Salted Caramel
Fiber One® Protein Bars
Progresso® Recipe Starters
Food Should Taste Good® Chips
Green Giant Fresh® Box Tops for Education pencil pouch
Hamburger Helper® Sweet & Sour Chicken and Parmesan Crusted Chicken
Betty Crocker® Mac & Cheese and Au Gratin potatoes
Kleenex® wallet pack and 184 count box
Scott® toilet paper (4 roll) and paper towel roll
Avery® dry erase weekly calendar
Ziploc® bowls and bags
Yoplait® Frozen Yogurt free product coupon

Check it out:

To enter:

Leave a comment and tell me if you collect box tops for your child’s school!

Get extra entries for:

Like the Ewokmama Blog page on Facebook
Like the Box Tops page on Facebook

Please submit a comment for each entry. All entries must be received by Friday, February 22nd.

Please note: This giveaway is open to U.S. residents only.

***

Disclosure: Information, products and promotional items have been provided by General Mills and Box Tops for Education and its program partners. For further information on my media policies, see my Disclosure page.

Filed Under: Gear, Parenting 101, Reviews, Shopping Tagged With: box tops for education, box tops pantry stock up, giveaway, Health, kids, parenting, school, school fundraising 43 Comments

The Inconsiderate Visitor

February 6, 2013 By Ewokmama

I haven’t been doing well. I don’t know exactly what is causing it (out of the many possibilities) but I’m depressed and struggling every day now. I’m worried about everything and when I’m not worried I find it hard to care at all. And I’m always very, very tired.

I think being on guard constantly – just waiting for something else to come up (because my life seems to always have something crazy waiting in the wings) and throw a wrench in the works – has taken its toll. Even small, relatively fixable things have me reeling. I think it’s just that there is always something – whether it’s Jack trying to stab himself in the eye or changes at work or an illness or some nut leaving a garbage bag full of weed trimmings outside our house (yeah – that happened this weekend)…it’s kind of like I’m in a boxing match and I should just stay down already because I’m just going to keep getting walloped if I stay in the fight.

I’m getting help. I’m going to a depression group to try to get back into the swing of self-care. Unfortunately even that is a bit depressing – during the first session I was singled out as having a reason to be ‘legitimately’ depressed and there were audible gasps when I admitted my kid has cancer. So yeah…my kid has cancer and that sucks and OF COURSE I’m depressed, right?

Except I can’t be! I need to work and keep up with the health insurance. I need to help Jack with his homework (it takes him extra effort to do the math portions) and administer medication and take care of my pets and various other chores. I can’t be depressed. I have to suck it up and get out of bed and get Jack to his appointments or school or to his dad on time. There is no time for depression! How dare it pay me a visit when I so obviously can’t entertain even a second of it!

I know I’m hard on myself. David tells me so. The doc I saw yesterday told me so. I know I’m depressed and instead of being nice to myself I sit there and tell myself that I shouldn’t be depressed – Jack is doing great! We have a house! We have jobs! We have a ton to be grateful for.

I need this depression to be over so I can get back to enjoying my life.

And I could use a few breaks here and there, too.

Filed Under: Cancer Mom, Issues Tagged With: cancer, cancer mom, depression, Family, Health, mental health, motherhood, parenting 7 Comments

The Littlest Disciplinarian

January 22, 2013 By Ewokmama

Living with cancer is no easy feat (duh) and the medications certainly don’t make things any smoother. There are side effects galore and dealing with those on a regular basis can be be SO incredibly frustrating. Aside from the physical effects, Jack has had difficulty with memory and regulating his emotions. Then there are those weeks when he’s on the steroid – and we are all tip toeing around hoping that we don’t make a joke that offends the kid and sends him into a depression spiral.

Jack’s done so amazingly well this past year dealing with all of the cancer crap that it really should come as no surprise that he’d stumble a bit. But still, it was surprising AND alarming.

I don’t recall when it started exactly, but sometime in the last year Jack started to get really upset with himself for forgetting things or doing things wrong and he would react by hurting himself. Sometimes he would hit himself in the face, sometimes he’d bang his head against the wall, and we even saw him push his thumbs into his eyes (cringe!). Not too long ago he came home from school and told me he’d put himself on time out during recess after a teacher asked him to stop bouncing on her shoulders.

We’ve told him over and over again how much we love him, how it’s our job as his parents to protect him and not let anyone hurt him – including himself! We explain that it’s okay to make mistakes and that we are there to remind him of what to do when those mistakes come up. His job is to try to do better in the future – not to punish himself for making those mistakes! This hasn’t seemed to get through to him, though.

Sometime before Christmas I sent a message to Jack’s Case Manager at the hospital to ask for a referral to a therapist. It was clear that Jack was having some anger management problems and we were at a loss as to how to help him express himself better. We were referred to the department’s social worker, who, unfortunately, happens to be the least helpful person who very much would like to help EVER. And so she called me and got some information and then sighed and expressed her sympathy and said she would get me some information so that we could take Jack to therapy. Except she didn’t.

A couple weeks later when I saw her at the clinic and she still hadn’t gotten me that information (and it was STILL an issue), I reminded her. Alas, no help came.

Then, in the epic awesomeness (ha) that was last week, we had another incident that scared the shit out of us. Jack was working on his homework but kept getting distracted by a paper monster sitting nearby. When David attempted to move the monster so that Jack could concentrate, Jack got upset and grabbed the monster and threw it. David reminded him that throwing things isn’t okay, and Jack responded by grabbing his pencil and aiming it right at his own eye. David grabbed it before he could do any harm, thank goodness.

But holy crap! Our six year old almost stabbed himself in the eye with a pencil to punish himself for throwing a paper monster!

So it was time to take matters in my own hands and I made an appointment for him to see a doctor that afternoon. After some discussions with the pediatrician’s office I was then referred to the intake psychologist in the psychiatry department, who gathered more information about our situation and decided we should probably skip the regular intake routine and go straight for an appointment ASAP.

Had Jack had any big changes or stressful situations in his life over the last year? Oh, gee, where do I start??

Has he ever said he wanted to die? Um, no! Shit! He’s six!

Thankfully, we got Jack an appointment with a child psychologist scheduled for Friday. I was told to keep all sharp objects, medications, cleaning supplies and other harmful things out of his reach. Which is just NOT something you expect to EVER hear in relation to your first grader! (And, well, he doesn’t have access to those things anyway! But David did hide his safety scissors from him just in case. And now he’s a bit behind on homework since pencils suddenly posed a threat.)

All of that and Jack wasn’t even on the steroids last week. He started those today!

The appointment went well. Jack liked the therapist and even drew him a picture that he got to keep (which is pretty rare). He and the therapist came up with the idea that rather than trying to hurt himself to teach himself a lesson and help him remember, he would instead draw a picture of what he wasn’t supposed to do and tape it to the wall in his bedroom. This has seemed to work so far – Jack now has a “DO NOT JUMP ON MOM” picture on his wall.

This week is steroid (Decadron) week, though, so we’ll see how it goes. We see the therapist again on February 4th. I’m hoping things won’t be too chaotic in the mean time. We could all use a less eventful week.

Filed Under: Cancer, Cancer Mom, Issues, Parenting 101 Tagged With: 6 years old, anger management, cancer, cancer mom, child psychology, children, discipline, growing up, kids, leukemia, life, mental health, parenthood, parenting, therapy 3 Comments