Truthiness Day 26: Giving Up

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Yes, I’ve thought about giving up on life a lot over the nearly 30 years I’ve been alive.  I doubt there is a month that goes by when it hasn’t crossed my mind.  I’ve called the mental health help line.  I’ve been taken to the emergency room.  I’ve taken too many sleeping pills after an argument.  I’ve asked people to keep an eye on me because I didn’t trust myself.

Why?  I have Major Depression and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.  I have been on and off meds since the age of 14 (I’ve been on for the past two and a half years now).  I’ve had many instances of my mental illness flaring up.  Sometimes there seems to be no reason at all.  Sometimes there is a reason – like a miscarriage or painful memories from childhood that feel too overwhelming.

So yeah, I think about it.  But I also think about my family when I think about giving up.  I appeal to the part of myself that can’t help but take care of others.  I remind myself that giving up would be the opposite of taking care of Jack or David.  Sometimes I can’t care about myself, but I can *always* care about others and the people I care about are my lifeline.

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Truthiness Day 25: I’m Alive

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Well, I guess the short answer would be because I haven’t died yet.  DUH.  Other than that, I think there are a couple factors…

  1. I’m a pretty safe and responsible person who doesn’t engage in risky behavior.  I’ve been in one car accident in the entire time I’ve driven – and that was the other guy’s fault (he was at a stop sign, I was halfway through making my left turn when he T-Boned me).  In high school I even got a medal for my performance in my Health & Driver’s Ed class (I still find that funny).
  2. I have a kid.  I’m not allowed to die, at least while he depends on me!
  3. I don’t talk to strangers and I have a good street “don’t talk to me or I might scream at you for no reason” face.
  4. My uncle pulled me out of the pool that one time when I almost drowned.
  5. I aggressively seek help for my illnesses.
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