Villagers

August 27, 2009 By 2 Comments

I’m kind of a homebody mom.  I never thought I would be – I thought I’d be the mom that showed her kid the world in every way.  But no – I get nervous when I think about taking Jack out somewhere.  The logistics freak me out.

How is my 5’2″ self going to carry a 35lb+ kid and a diaper bag?  The kid refuses to sit in a stroller and LOVES being held by me.

What if he throws a fit because he doesn’t want to go?  What if he throws a fit because he doesn’t want to leave?

What am I going to pack for lunch? What if he gets too busy to eat?

What if this activity runs into naptime?

How much is this going to cost us?

Is it really worth it when he’d have just as much fun playing ninja fight at home with balloons and it wouldn’t interrupt meals and naptime?

It’s a major internal struggle for me and I have no idea where it comes from (other than I tend to be a worrier in general).  Sometimes we only make it to the backyard where Jack likes to dig in the dirt while I sit and read.  Sometimes I rush us out of the house before I can really think about anything, which usually happens within an hour of waking up and before I’ve had any coffee.  In essence, I trick myself.  It generally turns out alright, but it still doesn’t happen frequently.

Sometimes I beat myself up for being the type of parent who would rather sit and color with music playing than run around outdoors with her kid (echos of the common 1980s complaint that kids these days don’t spend enough time outdoors in my head), and then I remembered one of the Psychology classes I took a few years ago.  What sticks out in my mind from that class is the discussion we had about the purpose behind having multiple parents (as in – what is the evolutionary purpose and why can’t we procreate singularly?).  We talked about the fact that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses.

When you are part of a team, such as with two parents (or, in our case, four), the major perk is that there are others to fill in the gaps in the collective knowledge base.  In Jack’s life, he has a mom who is a self-described “indoors girl” and a father that is a completely outdoorsy guy.  Jack’s step-parents offer further strengths.  Collectively we’re all part of Jack’s village and somehow we’ve struck a great balance in this little community.  When I look at the bigger picture, it all makes sense, and I really think Jack is lucky in so many ways.

Filed Under: Family, Parenting 101 Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Unbelievable!

May 4, 2009 By 4 Comments

I was having issues trying to get Jack to go to sleep.  We would read our bedtime stories (three books usually) and lay down and snuggle and then he would climb all over me or kick me or hit me or whatever until either he fell asleep or I lost patience completely.  A few nights ago, after about an hour of trying to get him to go to sleep, he decided to up the ante and started stripping…I left the room and hid in the dark dining room, head in my hands, shaking with anger while listening to Jack yell for me.  David stepped in and distracted Jack, diapered and clothed him, and got him in bed.  Jack asked for me so he told him to wait there and he would get mama, then he walked out.

Here’s the unbelievable part – Jack fell asleep almost immediately.  I didn’t go into the room.  Yesterday was a similar situation – after an hour of trying to get him to sleep and fed up with being treated as a bounce house, I left the room and grudgingly asked David for help (yeah…it’s hard for me to ask for help).  He repeated his previous experiment – went in and got Jack to lay down, told him to wait for mama and walked out, closing the door behind him – and Jack fell asleep without a peep.

Tonight we changed it up.  I gave in to the awesomeness that is ‘David the natural step-parent’ and on his suggestion, I read to Jack and got him to lay down, told him I’d be back in a bit and to wait for me, then left the room.  I fluttered around outside the door for a bit waiting for him to call or cry.  I didn’t even hear a peep.  He fell asleep without making a sound.  When I looked at David he had a huge grin on his face and I guarantee he was thinking, “Yeah, I am so rocking this step parenting thing!”

I’m in awe of both the males in my house.

Filed Under: Parenting 101, Sleep Tagged With: , , , ,

The Making of a Step-Family

April 8, 2009 By 2 Comments

Jack’s daycare is closed this week for spring break.  Since David is still job hunting (applying for the few and far between jobs that come available – arg, the economy surely sucks!), Jack is at home with him.  David has watched Jack by himself for a few hours at a time upon occasion and has helped with day-to-day care of Jack but this is the first time he’s had extended sole responsibility of the boy.  And you know what?  He is doing a fantastic job!

I’m not that surprised.  David is a natural with kids and also extremely observant.  He has absorbed a lot about how I parent just by watching and living with me and Jack.  He has integrated into the step-father role with a larger amount of ease than I thought was possible.  This just makes me love him that much more!

Monday went even more smoothly than I had anticipated.  Not only did Jack have *fun* with David, but he ate really well, played at the park, and even took a two hour nap!  David is proud of himself and with good reason – getting a toddler to nap is not usually an easy feat and two hours of sleep?  That is pure perfection.

I am truly enthralled watching the step-parenting transition happen and the bond grow between David and Jack.  Parenting with blood relatives is fairly straight-forward as you have the obvious ties and social norms to rely on.  Joe and I had some things to negotiate between the two of us in our parenting partnership, but our responsibilities toward Jack were pretty simple to determine.  The step-parent integration seems more complex, as it generally takes place over less time and the dynamics aren’t always readily apparent or accepted.  Rejection can come from the child, the mother, the father, or the person doing the step-parenting.  David has had to consider everything he does with Jack from the perspective of Jack, of me, and of Joe.  He has been very careful not to step on any toes while at the same time interacting with Jack in a manner that would get them on the right path to a symbiotic step-parent/-child relationship.  His methods have paid off, it seems.  I’m sure there will be challenges that aren’t resolved easily in the future, but it is good to know we have some success to build upon.

Filed Under: Parenting 101 Tagged With: , , ,