The Terrible Toddler

Life with a toddler is full of surprises. Also, exhaustion.

A few days before Christmas (2015), at 15 months old, Dez took a few unassisted steps. He didn’t walk again until late February. At that point he spent about half his time lurching like a miniature Frankenstein’s monster and the other half of the time he crawled (or walked on his knees) at such a quick pace that he wore holes through the knees of his pants.

No joke!

This kid does things at his own weird, erratic pace.

Toddler loves Hendrix

Check out those baby blues!

He is now almost 20 months old and walking full time. He gets into EVERYTHING. He climbs onto the dining room chairs, tries to climb onto the table, opens the front door if we forget to lock it behind us, and attempts to throw all kinds of things into the toilet.

He is so active! We are so tired! Jack did not prepare us for this.

Desmond’s favorite past times are throwing balls, riding on his plastic tractor, eating constantly, removing his socks and making us put them back onto his feet, bossing the dog around, and endangering himself in some way.

Stairs are fun for toddlers.

Stairs are fun for toddlers. Less fun for parents.

He has eight teeth, and two molars are sloooooowly making an appearance.

Sleep is hard to come by in this house. I don’t believe that he’s slept through the night yet. (Yeah, you read that right – 20 months and has likely never slept through the night! Yes, I’m a little dead inside.) Since we co-sleep it’s mostly all a blur… He’s also still incredibly difficult to put to bed. We have started to use a sound machine at night in hopes of creating a more inviting sleep environment. Fingers crossed that it works and we start having easier bedtimes. We are pretty sick of tag-teaming to deal with hour-long tantrums at bedtime.

He’s also been fighting diaper changes for over a year now! Case in point:

Toddler tantrum

Diaper changes are the worst!

BUT! Just recently we discovered a show on Amazon Prime called Tumble Leaf.


We turn Tumble Leaf on and Dez throws his arms straight up in the air and yells YAAAAAAY! He then lays down and stays still for a diaper change. It’s amazing! In fact, David told me that finding that show is my greatest life achievement. I think that illustrates just how awful the diaper change fights have been.

While Jack was speaking in sentences around this age, Dez has maybe 10 words (in English):

daw (dog)
Jah (Jack)
tok (sock)
suu (shoe)

Apparently, though, he knows some Cantonese, the first language of his daycare provider. It took us a while to catch on – he was telling us for months that he was hungry (“mum mum” in Cantonese means “want to eat”) and we had no idea. Chances are he can say a lot more than we understand.

Dez is cute and sweet when he is not driving us nuts. He loves to snuggle and nurse, sits on our laps to read a book or watch a show, and does goofy things like wearing his sunglasses on his forehead.

Toddler in sunglasses

Too cool to wear sunglasses properly.

Still, we wish he would sleep more.

It’s A Hard-Knock Life (For Us Parents)

I have a migraine right now and my hip is fucking killing me. I would love to go to bed – I don’t even care that it’s not even 9pm on a Friday – but I can’t go to bed because Dez is trying to go to sleep in said bed and my presence is not conducive to him falling asleep.

This is parenthood. Sleep is like vacation to me – better, even, because it requires much less planning (and yet is no less elusive at times).

David and I are involved in a tag team effort at bedtime these days. I nurse Dez, then David steps in when Dez decides maybe he doesn’t want to go to sleep and tries to make a break for it. Daddy means business, though, and when he walks in the room, Dez knows his attempts at delaying bedtime are doomed.

Being the parent of a toddler is hard. I had forgotten just how hard. I guess that’s what happens when you wait eight years to have a second child! This little person who is most definitely his own little person and yet can’t do a damned thing for himself yet (except stuff too many yogurt melts in his mouth at one time) can make you question your choices in life, your sanity, and your self-worth. I had forgotten, but now I remember: I do not like the toddler years, Sam-I-Am.

Frankly, the pre-teen years aren’t seeming to be much better at this point. I’ve been meaning to write about all kinds of Jack-related things but it’s a big ball of complexity that I barely want to think about. The shortish version is this – he has been diagnosed with ADHD, dyscalculia (a math learning disability), and anxiety brought on by medical-related experiences. And in a year he goes back for more testing because the neuropsychologist isn’t sure she was able to get him all figured out.

At nearly the same time that we got the diagnoses and the rest of the results of the neuropsych testing, things at school got particularly bad. Jack and his teacher are at complete odds. It’s partly Jack’s fault and partly the teacher’s fault, and both of them are less than flexible people. We are working on Jack’s behavior, though I think we (and the teacher!) will just have to accept that Jack will have some bad days.

Therapy has been successful, though, so that’s a plus. Yay! I’ll take all the victories I can get.

Back to Dez…he’s a weird little fellow. He’s no longer that magical unicorn baby. He is vocal and can be clingy and so very quirky. He took his first unassisted steps a few days before Christmas, and then hasn’t walked since. He just goes around walking on his knees (which are now quite callused). He doesn’t say much, either. He has some words but very few that are clear. That doesn’t stop him from chatting, though. He talks a LOT – just not in English.

He also doesn’t sleep for shit. He is a terrible, no good, very bad sleeper. I think he must have gotten it from David because Jack and I both excel at sleeping!

He is a great eater, though. He’s got Jack beat on that!

So clearly we’re living a hectic existence right now. I know it won’t last forever and one day I will look back and miss the moments where Jack helps his brother walk around the living room or Dez snuggles up to me for midnight nursing sessions…but right now I am dreaming of peace and quiet.

Fewer headaches and a massage would be lovely, too.

Keeping Your Toddler Busy When Traveling

Last week I hopped on a plane with my very active 13-month-old baby/toddler. Desmond and I took a 4.5 hour flight from San Francisco to Atlanta, just the two of us (well, and everyone else on the plane). We flew back home yesterday.

I will come out and say this for all to read – I was terrified to take this trip on my own. But that’s how most adventures in parenting start, right?

Airport baby wearing

Babywearing at the airport

To prepare, I scoured the internet for ideas for keeping small children occupied on airplanes. I found a lot of suggestions that work for kids over the age of 2 years – those kids that are less likely to eat the crayons or throw the blocks at other passengers. Dez is still not 100% accurate with putting food in his mouth – there is no way he would have luck drawing on a magnedoodle!

Having very little luck with my search on the internet, I proceeded to tear through my house looking for items that I wouldn’t normally let Dez play with but that also aren’t dangerous while supervised. I came up with quite a few things to put in my “forbidden items grab bag.” I then hit up my Facebook parenting groups to gather more ideas before heading to Target. (I came out spending way too much, but it was less than $100, which is kind of amazing for a trip to Target!)

In the end, I collected quite the mishmash of items to entertain my toddler on the plane. And thus I bring you tips for flying with a toddler (without losing your mind).

Ewokmama tips for flying with toddler

Ideas for Fun and/or “Forbidden” Items to Bring on the Plane:

  • a fun keychain with spare keys and a large paperclip attached
  • various expired membership cards
  • a bracelet
  • post-it notes
  • small, portable toys that are new to your toddler – we had Little People figurines, My Little Pony minis, a Little People clown car
  • a pill organizer filled with snacks
  • stickers
  • interactive books (i.e. a “slide & seek” book and Pat the Bunny)
  • a pack of playing cards from the $1 bin

My cell phone is the ultimate forbidden item, of course…so I also looked around the app store to find things that might appeal to a toddler. [Note: If your kiddo is closer to 2 years and above, Toca Boca makes some awesome apps.] The best app I found is called “Animal and Tool Picture Flashcards for Babies” by Open Solutions. It’s free and contains a mixture of animal photos and clip art pictures; when you tap on a picture, the app states the name of the animal and then plays a clip of the sound that animal makes.

That app was the best money I never spent! Dez LOVED it. Even aside from the animal pictures and sounds, he really enjoyed dancing to the background music. It came in handy in the hotel room later, as well.

A word of warning, though. Now that I’ve let Dez play with my cell phone, he is more demanding about it than ever. Still, it was worth it for peace of mind on the plane!

If I were to pick one item from the above list to suggest above all others (aside from the animal flashcards app), it would be the pill organizer filled with snacks. Dez thought it was great to point to the container he wanted me to pop open – over and over. The snacks were key! A well-fed kid is a happy kid!

Aside from items to schlep along with you onto a plane, here are a few more tips for flying with toddlers:

  • Opt for the window seat. Not only will your kid like the view, but you can use stranger anxiety to keep him from trying to make a run for it.
  • If you are flying with your child on your lap, upgrade to get extra legroom. You can let your kid stand up a bit or maybe even play on the floor (depending on how MUCH leg room there is). And in case of tantrums, flailing limbs are less likely to hit the seat in front of you.
  • Babywear through security.
  • Ask for an empty cup and/or water bottle for your kid to play with.
  • Make sure to nurse or give your child something to drink during take off and landing to help with eardrum pressure.

Hopefully these things will help you get through your trip without any meltdowns from your toddler OR YOU. If not and your kid has a tantrum, hang in there! And maybe buy your neighbor – and yourself – a drink to cope.

Moms and dads, what did I forget? What are your tricks for traveling with toddlers?

Sometimes ya gotta get mean

I bought Jack some new clothes recently.  He had grown out of all of his long sleeved shirts and it’s been cold and rainy here.  I bought some uber cute shirts from The Children’s Place featuring things like guitars and monsters on the front.  Only problem?  He refuses to wear them.  He says he doesn’t like ANY of them, claiming: “Those are BAD shirts.”  Yesterday Jack ended up in a too-small shirt at daycare because it was the only old piece of clothing that was clean and his fit was monstrous (especially after I tried to bribe him with a cookie and when it didn’t work, I withheld the cookie, which led to a 30 minute tantrum).

When Jack tried to put up another fight this morning, I decided to play hardball.  I asked nicely first and then when he refused…

“Jack, if you don’t pick a shirt to wear, I’m going to send you out in the rain without one.”


“Which shirt do you want to wear?”

“I don’t like those shirts, moooooom!”

*opening the front door to show him the pouring rain* “Okay, let’s go.  No shirt for you!  You’re going naked in the rain.”

“Nooooooo, I’ll put a shirt on!”

And so he did.  He whined but I got a (pirate monkey) shirt on him and his new waterproof jacket and we got out the door without too much frustration.

Let it be known that I do not negotiate with terrorists, even (especially!) three year old ones.

Habitual Oddities

I’m kind of bouncing off of Nancy’s post at Fear and Parenting in Las VegasThe OCD Chronicles with this one.  I’ve been wanting to write about this for a while and I think about it every morning when I’m getting Jack ready for daycare but, well, between the new blog project in which I’m involved and a nasty cold (which I found out has resulted in a torn serratus muscle by my right rib cage, oh joy), I’ve been a little distracted…

Anyhoo, my boy has some odd habits. Sometimes they are great habits, and other times they are annoying.  I have to wonder at his future mental health at times, but mostly I know that he is just a typically wacky 3 year old trying to exert control over his environment and he’ll grow out of it…

  1. Any time we remove his socks, he has to make sure there is no lint between his toes. This wouldn’t bother me so much except when we are trying to get dressed in the morning and we are inevitably running late…if I stick the sock on before he is ready he will shove his hand down in it to clean between his toes even if there is nothing there.  At least I got him to stop doing this as part of the bedtime routine…
  2. Zippers must be zipped and of course they must be zipped all the way up to his neck.  This one wouldn’t bother me if he actually could zip it himself!
  3. Rockets are not space shuttles…and vice versa.  Honestly, I have no clue what the differentiation is with this but Jack apparently does.  I suspect no matter what I say, he is going to say I’m wrong and it’s the other thing.  He loves to tell people they are wrong…
  4. Picking his nose.  Probably every kid does this…right?  Please tell me yes.  No matter how many times I tell him not to pick his nose and to please ask for a tissue, he still prefers to pick.  I guess that’s why they make nostrils the size of fingers?  Blech.
  5. Standing right in front of the television.  What is up with this?  I remember doing it as a kid, too, but I have no idea WHY.  Jack does it and we have wasted a lot of breath reminding him to back up and sit in a chair or on the couch.
  6. Every day when I attempt to walk out of the door at daycare, he exclaims, “Oh, I forgot!” and runs up to give me hugs and kisses.  I suppose I need to teach him the difference between ‘forgot’ and ‘remembered’.
  7. It’s pretty cute that he is so polite with his pleases and thank yous.  The rebel in me who hated to be polite for politeness’ sake as a kid thinks it’s weird in a 3 year old, though…

I’m probably lucky.  I’m guessing there are kids out there with much stranger habits than Jack’s.  What do you think?  Is your kid wacky-doo too?