I am not sure what led me to think about being thin a few days ago while I was showering, but I suspect it has something to do with my recent conversation with my sister about PCOS. Sis is trying for a baby and she has for many years dealt with the same condition I have, secondary amenorrhea. She is currently going through health analysis to figure out what is causing it, which I never got around to doing. When I last spoke to my OB about it, she suspected I had PCOS but since I was pregnant at the time we didn’t do any tests. Well, I lost that pregnancy and then a few months later I jumped on the opportunity to try for a baby again when my menstrual cycle made it’s semi-yearly appearance. I got pretty lucky to conceive Jack right away, especially considering I had been off of birth control for about 4 years before conceiving the first time. Some day I will get around to obtaining a definitive diagnosis. I really shouldn’t put it off much longer considering that my mom has a tumor on her pituitary gland that had been growing in size for many years before someone finally took notice, something that could definitely account for my problems.
Anyway, back to being thin. One of the symptoms of PCOS is difficulty losing weight. My sister pointed out that she and I do not have this problem (which doesn’t mean much – PCOS is kind of a catch-all term and symptoms are varied). In fact, I have the opposite problem. I am a hearty eater and still tend toward thinness. Quite a few people have said I am *too* thin, need to gain weight, have bird legs – you get the idea. I have also had a number of people over the course of my life accuse me of being anorexic, which I find funny because it generally happens WHILE I am eating. Methinks they need to go back to Eating Disorders 101. My brother-in-law told me once that he hates being called skinny. His argument was that he is thin and in shape, not underweight as the term “skinny” implies. Too true.
It’s interesting how a person’s self-perception changes based upon those around them. I have often wished I was bigger than I am, partly because of all the nitpicking I have dealt with over my life, and partly because most of the people around me on a regular basis are bigger than me. I suppose I have “short man’s syndrome” for thin people. I have never felt like a small person, but I have always felt like a thin person (except while pregnant, of course). If I were to listen to the many bitter people who have told me that it will one day catch up to me, I would have to guess that I won’t always be thin. 😛
I’m sure that another reason that I have been contemplating thinness lately is that I reached my pre-pregnancy weight at 6 months post-partum and am still losing weight. Let me tell you, I am doing nothing to encourage weight loss other than toting a 20 pound kid around and breastfeeding every 1-3 hours. So to see myself shrinking is just weird.
It’s interesting living in America today.