Kill me now

The weekend did not go as I had hoped. I was planning to finally get some time to myself and ended up with an hour (which was spent showering/dressing, eating lunch, and packing a diaper bag). Let’s start at the beginning.

Jack slept horribly Friday night. It was also a struggle to even get him to bed, which meant that our plans of watching netflix were completely dashed. I didn’t get to bed until late because I kept coughing and was trying to do everything I could think of to help my throat so that I didn’t wake the boy up. Well, he woke up over and over again all night long crying, presumably because of teething pain. I don’t think he went more than 1 hour at a time without waking. It was the worst night’s “sleep” I’ve ever had!!

I got no rest on Saturday, either – woke up pretty early to take care of the child and had baby duty for most of the day since Joe had homework. I did try to get together with my friend Jann, who had told me to call her if I wanted to quilt, but she ended up making other plans without me. Arg! So I didn’t get out of the apartment by myself at all. Instead I worked on our taxes and then all three of us went to Eureka to get some essentials at Target and to stop in at a friend’s place for an hour. Then it was back home and another struggle to put Jack to bed. The first time he awoke crying, I administered infant’s motrin and he slept great the rest of the night, thankfully.

Today was more of the same if you add on being close to tears most of the time. I got some projects around the home done but despite yesterday’s declaration that I would get some time to myself before the fucking superbowl, I got that harried hour. NOT what I was hoping for. I am so sick of not having any time to myself. I am worn down and exhausted, sick with a sinus infection for the second time in as many months, and I came to the realization that I really haven’t had a break since Jack was born. When Jack was a newborn and I was going through one of my hormonal crying jags, I told Joe, “I don’t want to be the mom.” I still kind of feel that way because even if I get out of the house by myself, I have to take a breast pump along to use every 2-3 hours. I am NEVER off duty.

Needless to say, I am not in a great place right now.

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