I can’t remember the last time I felt 100% fine. It’s probably been a year and a half, at least. I also can’t remember the last time I felt that I was giving 100% to family, friends, work, or myself, or receiving 100%. I think all of this is interconnected, so it makes sense that where one area is lacking, so is another.
I recently participated in an activity at work where I took a test to determine my strengths in an effort to learn how to apply them better at work. One of these strengths was Achiever and part of the description was, “every day starts at zero. By the end of the day you must achieve something tangible in order to feel good about yourself.” Needless to say, I am not a person who is comfortable “doing what I can” and lately I feel that I am half-assing everything. There is not even ONE thing that I can think of right now that I am excelling at and it really, really bothers me. It’s especially bad when I feel that I am short-changing Jack, which is unacceptable. I wish I knew how to fix it.
I am not sure if I’ve overcommitted myself (to life?) or if I’m not doing well because of sleep deprivation. Perhaps it’s both. In any case, I think it’s clear that I need a personal assistant. Or more therapy.