Jack will be 10 months old on Sunday, which is also Mother’s Day. I’m shocked and amazed at how quickly the time has gone by. It’s no longer easy for me to remember those first few days when I was struggling with the reality of a newborn. I was having such a difficult time with breastfeeding at that point – my nipples were shredded and bleeding, burning from thrush, and Jack was attached to me constantly. I cried during every nursing session for that first week, and in between nursing sessions, and I had no idea how I would make it to 6 months or even 6 weeks, let alone a year and beyond. I had no idea that every day would get easier, bring more confidence, etc. I’m not only breastfeeding, but pumping 3x daily and donating milk, too. What a change!

How funny that something that seemed so horrible at the time now is now a mere blip on the radar screen of my life with Jack. The last 10 months has shown me in vivid detail that perseverance pays off. I have also learned that it’s better to be proactive with research. I could have saved myself a lot of trouble if I had just read more before Jack was born, or made it to a LLL meeting. Ah, well. I guess a person can’t be 100% prepared all the time.

This Mother’s Day means a lot to me. I didn’t celebrate last year while pregnant because I was still not convinced the pregnancy would yield a baby after the first go-round went south. In hindsight, I do think that pregnant women should celebrate. Pregnancy is the foundation of a woman’s path to motherhood. Pregnancy is the time where a person prepares for the life she will have with her child, and the choices made during that time are important.

I take pride in my preparation during pregnancy, the choices I made during labor and the outcome of the birth, and the past 10 months. I am happy that I am the mother I had thought I would be, even if I am a little shorter on patience than I expected. I look at my son and I take pride in him, even though I feel that a large part is personality and has little to do with how he is being raised. Still, I am proud to be supporting him and meeting his needs, which is setting the foundation for his future. Mostly, I just feel lucky to know him, to have him, to love him and be loved by him. After all, he is what has made me a mother.

3 thoughts on “Mothering”

  1. Happy Mother’s Day! Your insights into your first year are so true. I hope you and Jack have a wonderful Mother’s Day. THis will be my 36th and it is still special. This year I wil celebrate with and for my daughters, who are both mothers now. Some say it is a Hallmark inspired day, but I believe we derve to celebrate our motherhood and our children.

  2. I was the same way last year. I had a hard time allowing myself to celebrate yet felt like I was missing out on something because I was SO close to giving birth and was SO obviously a mother.

    And what you say about those first few weeks breastfeeding is so true. I remember how I was struggling to get to 2 months and now I can’t believe it’ll have been a year in just about 2 weeks.

    Happy Mama’s Day to you!

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