Step in the right direction

It’s interesting being at this stage in my life, a life as a chronic depression-sufferer.  I am such a seasoned veteran of depression by this point that most can’t even tell I’m depressed.  A therapist admitted to me a few years ago that she could not tell that I was totally freaking out sitting right in front of her.  I attribute this not only to how long I’ve been dealing with these issues, but also to growing up in a family who hid problems and marched on because any wrong step could throw us into a very scary situation from which we might not recover.  I’m somewhat thankful because it has made me stronger, and I can keep functioning even under terrible circumstances.  The downside, of course, is that I often forget that I’m no longer living on a precipice and it takes a lot longer for me to realize that I’ve reached the point where I have stopped participating in really living.

As you all know, I realized some time ago that I needed help.  Well, I am finally getting it.  I contacted my doctor last week and she immediately got to work with a referral to the mental health department.  Embarrassing questions were asked but now things are in motion.

My first intake appointment is in a week and a half.  I will be spending the whole morning getting acquainted with the system, meeting with mental health professionals, and possibly even participating in group therapy.  I am interested to see what I get out of all of this because it sure seems like a lot to do in a few hours time.  Also, we leave for a trip to Wisconsin the very next day.

I feel relieved even though I still have paperwork and talking to do before I actually get treatment.  It has also helped that we have the daycare situation squared away so I don’t have to expend enormous amounts of energy worrying about that.  I am looking forward to returning to a healthier state of mind.  I am looking forward to really living.

4 thoughts on “Step in the right direction”

  1. Congratulations. I wish you lots of luck as you do the hard work that is ahead. I wish my mother had sought treatment….my life would have been so different as well as hers. Lving withchronic dpresison is not easy…fort he person who is depressed and for those who love them.

  2. Good luck, I hope that your therapy (whatever it entails) is very helpful. My mom pointed out to me yesterday that I’m relapsing into my old “depression” habits and ticks. She thought that I should go see my doctor, but I think I’m going to try to get active first. I’m not one to get a lot of exercise, but I figure that I should try all the non-medicated stuff first. After all, I am still nursing, and have no desire to have Kitten exposed to anti-depressants (especially because I was on more of a “downer” medication to keep my rages in check, and I would worry that it would subdue her as well).

    Also: I’m sure you know this… but our lactation consultant said that she sees the majority of PPD when people stop nursing. So take heart that you’re normal! 🙂 (if that’s what you think it is – I don’t mean to assume by any means)

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