I’ve been taking anti-depressants for a month now but I have admitted to myself and my counselors that they aren’t working as they should be.  Some things have gotten better, and some things have gotten worse.  I am feeling a bit afraid at this point. I’m afraid I’m going to go crazy. I’m afraid I’ll really screw up my marriage, that I had no business thinking that I could handle being a mother, that this illness will leave me incapacitated. Mostly I’m not afraid for myself, just that I will burden those I love. I feel like I’m losing my sense of self, and I don’t want to go back to the hell of 3 years ago.

I am working on getting help and getting things going in the right direction but it will take some time.  I don’t know how long and I don’t know how often I’ll be able to update here in the mean time.  I hope you are all here whenever I get back.

4 thoughts on “Spotty”

  1. I hope that the things that have gotten better, stay better, and that the things that have gotten worse, turn right back on around. Many kudos to you for dealing with it with such presence of mind.

  2. Take care of yourself. 🙂 I know it takes forever to get the right combination and dosages and therapy… but you knew that before me. 🙁 I hope you start to feel normal… whatever “normal” is for you. I’ll be waiting for your return! Love ya!

  3. Of course we’ll be here when you get back! The first step to figuring out something that will work for you is admitting that what’s happening now isn’t working, right? Please do take care of yourself.

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