I have been very hesitant to say anything on this blog about what has been going on for me personally, but the dust has settled somewhat so perhaps I can report on a few things. I think last time I mentioned anything, Joe and I had decided to separate. That separation was painful, mainly due to the hurt we caused our family members. After 11 years together, there is no way to make something like this seamless. The separation turned into divorce, for which I filed the paperwork almost a month ago. Good lord, did that involve a lot of paper!! It’s unbelievable how difficult the whole process is.
Jack has transitioned really well. Joe moved a little over an hour away from us but I have tried to keep everything stable for Jack by staying in Alameda and keeping him in the same daycare. This has done wonders. Since the very beginning of all of this, he has been his normal self at home for the most part. He did have some trouble going between me and Joe for the first month or so, but as soon as Joe found his footing and was able to stabilize things on his end, Jack’s demeanor also improved.
It’s tiring, all of it. Dividing up our belongings, speaking with family and friends about the reasoning behind the decision, being solely responsible for Jack most of the days of the week, carting Jack to and from Marin several times per week (due to daycare/work schedules, Joe can’t take Jack two days in a row), filing paperwork and getting finances in order…divorce is not the easy way out, that is for sure. I knew as soon as I moved into my new apartment, though, that I was going in the right direction and that has kept me afloat (along with a lot of support from family and friends).
Despite entering the dating scene with no expectations of finding anyone with whom I would click, I met someone special very quickly. All I can say is that I got incredibly lucky and things fell into place at just the right time. David and Jack get along famously, which is another amazing blessing. I feel like I’ve moved mountains to make this life that I have now possible, but it was so worth it.
I am finally leaving behind the depression that I have been working so hard to fight off for the last few years. I am halfway done with an intensive therapy program. It has been really, really exhausting (in addition to everything else I’ve been doing!) to deal with some old wounds but it is leaving me feeling lighter and happier than I ever have before. And that has allowed me to be a better mom to Jack.