Those Days

It’s difficult having Jack only part of the week.  There are positives to counting on having time to myself every week, but it’s rare when you have a positive without negatives (in my experience). It’s particularly difficult during an insanely busy time at work (such as quarter end) when the analyst in me is called upon to look at numbers for hours upon hours for days until they start to blur together and talk to me.  I get home completely mentally exhausted and have nothing to offer anyone.  I often just want to cry because I don’t even know what to do with myself.

I hate those days when I have Jack and I can’t sit down and play with him because I’m too worn out.  I feel like I’m wasting the time I have with him.  On those days I look forward to later in the week when he goes to his dad’s and I can arrive home and zone out.  Then when he’s at his dad’s I wish he was home with me.  Ack.

When I’m totally exhausted, the best I can do is hug him and kiss him, tell him I love him, feed him dinner, and put on a DVD.  I guess I’m lucky that he is at an age where he’s happy to do that.  Last night, at least, I rallied for a bit and we went out to the backyard for about 10 minutes…in the dark.  😛  He got to pet the upstairs neighbor’s dogs and I got to switch laundry over to the dryer.  We watched the dogs play for a bit and then went inside and sat on the couch eating ice cream cones.  He grinned at me between licks.

After prepping for bed, reading stories, and turning out the light, Jack dropped off to sleep quickly and I went to bed feeling much lighter than I had before.  There may be nights when I can’t run around and play with him, but just that little bit that I could do last night seemed to be enough for both of us.

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