Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. (sorry, bad grammar)
This one is so easy. It’s Jack, of course.
Before Jack came along, I didn’t much care about proper living. I’ve had Depression for as long as I can remember and I was never very motivated to take care of it – I didn’t care enough about myself to get the treatment I really needed. I took anti-depressants on and off but those didn’t take care of my issues 100%.
When Jack came along, though, I HAD to take care of myself. I didn’t want him to have a ghost of a mother. I didn’t want him to learn my unhealthy thought patterns or be hurt by behaviors that I didn’t even notice I had. I didn’t want him to grow up without a mother, either, and although I hate to say it, that was a possibility if I didn’t get treatment.
So right before he turned 2, I got serious and put myself back on antidepressants, enrolled in a Managing Your Depression course with Kaiser, started attending regular therapy, attended a 9 month long intensive outpatient therapy program, and have been maintaining my mental health ever since with weekly appointments with my therapist. I’ve learned how to stay ahead of my depression for the most part. When I do get depressed, I don’t beat myself up nearly as much as I used to, and I try to ride it out. I know which parts of me are ME and which parts are the illness I’ve fought all my life. Knowing those things has made a huge difference.
I love my life. I love living. Before Jack, I could not have said that. Before Jack, the work wasn’t worth the return.
Image above by Sarahndipitea